Dowly
02-14-09, 12:57 PM
Young priest was having his first service. He was so nervous about it that he had problems to speak, he stuttered all the time. For his next service, an older priest told him to put few drips of vodka to a glass of water.
On the next Sunday, the young priest did as told. Everything went fine, he was relaxed and very proud on how well the ppl received him.
The next day, the priest found a letter from the arch bishop from his desk.
"Dear father Johnson
Next Sunday, please put few drips of vodka TO A GLASS OF WATER. Not few drips of water to a glass of vodka! And please, stop mixing the wine with vodka. There's also few other things I'd like to add:
- That little booth beside the altar isnt the toilet
- We wear the white band on our neck, not around the forehead, despite the fact that Jesus sometimes used bandana. And please, stop using it to make silly rabbit ears.
- Try not to lean on to the statue of Holy Marie and especially try not to hug or feel it's breasts from now on.
- Even if the angel statue beside the altar has wings, it's not proper to hop on to it and try and fly to the Heaven and say "Hi" to Jesus. Failing to get a ride isnt an excuse to rip the chandellier from the roof and demand "Jesus the man" to "get the f**k down here among your people!".
- There's 10 commandments, not 12. Suggestions and threats arent part of any of those.
- There were 12 apostles, not 7. They were, like you said, fishermen, but there's no whales in the middle-east nor was one of them a midget.
- We DO NOT refer to Jesus Christ and his disciples as "JC and the boyz" or "Jesus and the dirty dozen"
- We DO NOT refer to Judas as "F**king spy" nor does the bible tell if he paid taxes from the silver he got by betraying Jesus.
- Bin Laden had nothing to do with the death of Jesus
- The old lady you tried to heal, didnt heal, you broke her hip.
- The bread is supposed to be given with the wine, not eaten as snacks as you drink the wine yourself.
- The cantor's dog you tried to sacrifice survived, but with 3 legs and without one eye.
- Sinners go to HELL, not to "F**k themselves"
- Prayers are to be said with your hands crossed, not by asking the people to make waves.
Oh and the guy sitting near to the altar, whom you referred as "Fa**ot, ashdick and dirty transvestite" was me. I sincerely hope you dont do these mistakes next Sunday.
Yours,
ArchBishop"
On the next Sunday, the young priest did as told. Everything went fine, he was relaxed and very proud on how well the ppl received him.
The next day, the priest found a letter from the arch bishop from his desk.
"Dear father Johnson
Next Sunday, please put few drips of vodka TO A GLASS OF WATER. Not few drips of water to a glass of vodka! And please, stop mixing the wine with vodka. There's also few other things I'd like to add:
- That little booth beside the altar isnt the toilet
- We wear the white band on our neck, not around the forehead, despite the fact that Jesus sometimes used bandana. And please, stop using it to make silly rabbit ears.
- Try not to lean on to the statue of Holy Marie and especially try not to hug or feel it's breasts from now on.
- Even if the angel statue beside the altar has wings, it's not proper to hop on to it and try and fly to the Heaven and say "Hi" to Jesus. Failing to get a ride isnt an excuse to rip the chandellier from the roof and demand "Jesus the man" to "get the f**k down here among your people!".
- There's 10 commandments, not 12. Suggestions and threats arent part of any of those.
- There were 12 apostles, not 7. They were, like you said, fishermen, but there's no whales in the middle-east nor was one of them a midget.
- We DO NOT refer to Jesus Christ and his disciples as "JC and the boyz" or "Jesus and the dirty dozen"
- We DO NOT refer to Judas as "F**king spy" nor does the bible tell if he paid taxes from the silver he got by betraying Jesus.
- Bin Laden had nothing to do with the death of Jesus
- The old lady you tried to heal, didnt heal, you broke her hip.
- The bread is supposed to be given with the wine, not eaten as snacks as you drink the wine yourself.
- The cantor's dog you tried to sacrifice survived, but with 3 legs and without one eye.
- Sinners go to HELL, not to "F**k themselves"
- Prayers are to be said with your hands crossed, not by asking the people to make waves.
Oh and the guy sitting near to the altar, whom you referred as "Fa**ot, ashdick and dirty transvestite" was me. I sincerely hope you dont do these mistakes next Sunday.
Yours,
ArchBishop"