Some info on the cheese-eating surrender monkeys

[stabiz]

According to historian Niall Ferguson:

Of the 168 major European wars fought since 1495, France was involved in 50. (Austria 47, England 43)

Of 168 French battles fought since 308 BC, the French won 109, lost 49 and 10 were considered a draw.

:huh: Thats pretty good stats!

[OneToughHerring]

How many by KO? :D

edit. I remember when I visited the war museum at the 'Hotel for the Invalides' in Paris. It's a pretty impressive place, row after row after row of French military gear from their history. And on top of all that they had a huge navy for a long time.

[Torplexed]

According to historian Niall Ferguson:

Of the 168 major European wars fought since 1495, France was involved in 50. (Austria 47, England 43)

Of 168 French battles fought since 308 BC, the French won 109, lost 49 and 10 were considered a draw.

:huh: Thats pretty good stats!

Have to give some of that credit to a certain Corsican general. ;)

[TarJak]

One has to remember that England became a French colony after 1066.:D

[XabbaRus]

Actually the Normans weren't really French, Normans come from Norsemen so more like Vikings....

We then split from them anyway and more than enough times kicked their backsides.

I think the funniest thing was a bunch of French academics wanting Agincourt classified as a war crime.....

[A Very Super Market]

According to historian Niall Ferguson:

Of the 168 major European wars fought since 1495, France was involved in 50. (Austria 47, England 43)

Of 168 French battles fought since 308 BC, the French won 109, lost 49 and 10 were considered a draw.

:huh: Thats pretty good stats!

Have to give some of that credit to a certain Corsican general. ;)

The only time when France scored consistent victories was when they were lead by an Italian! :rotfl: (PS I know that Corsica is part of France)

The number of wars doesn't really have to do with the topic, since France was basicly the central European power ('Till Deutschland came around). And England constantly changed hands before the Normans, so yeah.

France wasn't completely useless during WWII. Their North African colonial men did will in Italy and France '44 and '45. It's only because of the admittedly horrible defence in '40 that we think of them as useless, cheese-addicted, funny-speaking, smug and ugly bastards.

[Torplexed]

France wasn't completely useless during WWII. Their North African colonial men did will in Italy and France '44 and '45. It's only because of the admittedly horrible defence in '40 that we think of them as useless, cheese-addicted, funny-speaking, smug and ugly bastards.

Yeah...that defeat has it's roots in the long ugly war of attrition on the Western Front in WWI. Seeing the Germans advance so rapidly after all their pre-war plans to keep the next war off French soil just seemed to cause something to snap in the French High Command.

[Kapt Z]

[/quote]
France wasn't completely useless during WWII. Their North African colonial men did will in Italy and France '44 and '45. It's only because of the admittedly horrible defence in '40 that we think of them as useless, cheese-addicted, funny-speaking, smug and ugly bastards.[/quote]

I think any nation in France's position in 1940 would probably have had their clocks cleaned by the Germans with their Blitzkrieg bop. Britain was saved by the channel, the Russians by, well, Russia and US by the Atlantic.

[Dan D]

The Battle of Austerlitz, anyone?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Austerlitz
http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=P_7r6a_gvgg


"Got a hand in my pocket and it's showing up through my pants...". (Iggy & The Stooges). That is just for the punk rockers out there.

[Torplexed]

The Battle of Austerlitz, anyone?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Austerlitz
http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=P_7r6a_gvgg

That Corsican general again. :p

Let's see Napoleon wasn't French, he was Corsican.

Hitler wasn't German, he was Austrian.

Stalin wasn't Russian, he was a Georgian.

Interesting pattern.:hmm: Don't know if it means anything.

[stabiz]

Are you saying Roosevelt was from Kenya? :lol:

[Torplexed]

Are you saying Roosevelt was from Kenya? :lol:

No. But Churchill was half-American by birth. :ping:

[Raptor1]

Well, France did win the French Revolution

[Etienne]

Well, France did win the French Revolution

Would've been hard to lose that one.

I have a feeling that a lot of the French - hating going on in the state is remnant of the hardcore propaganda that was going on around the initial invasion of Irak in '03. Remember, people pouring wine down sewers and all that.

WWII took everybody with their pants down, anyway...

[A Very Super Market]

*Gasp!*

Obama is from Kenya!!! We (Well, just you) just made a horrible decision!

Well, it still doesn't really relate. Georgia, Corsica, and (pro-18) Austria were all too small to conquer the world with.

[Onkel Neal]

France wasn't completely useless during WWII. Their North African colonial men did will in Italy and France '44 and '45. It's only because of the admittedly horrible defence in '40 that we think of them as useless, cheese-addicted, funny-speaking, smug and ugly bastards.

Yeah...that defeat has it's roots in the long ugly war of attrition on the Western Front in WWI. Seeing the Germans advance so rapidly after all their pre-war plans to keep the next war off French soil just seemed to cause something to snap in the French High Command.

Agreed. In WWII, France was not "useless", just beaten. It happened to Poland and Norway and almost to Russia and Britian.

[TarJak]

Not too mention the Italians dominating most of Europe for around 1000 years.:lol:

[Jimbuna]

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from a recent Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

:lol:

[Tchocky]

Jesus, jim :p

[Jimbuna]

Jesus, jim :p

All meant in jest mate.....all meant in jest :lol:

Edit....I forgot to mention the one they did win, even if just on a temporary basis ;)

Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

[UnderseaLcpl]

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o264/charlie143james/frenchman.jpg