Brag
01-16-09, 02:57 PM
It was a drizzly morning in Lorient. Admiral Doenitz stood by the window and stared at the sentry box at the gate of the little Chateau des Sardines. Once his heartbeat came back to normal, he returned to his desk and re-read the message.
From BDU
To all U-Boats at sea and not previously sunk or destroyed Those boats that have been sunk don't need to reply. To make sure everyone understands those of you who have been killed in action or kaboomed while silently lurking will not be required to report their final incident.
Those of you who up to now have not been killed will report their position daily unless ypu get killed before reporting.
Doenitz took a deep breath and bellowed, "Baaaalz!"
Balz, the acting operations officer, entered the room, clicked his heels and stood at attention. "Jawhol, Herr Admiral."
"What sort of rubbish is this?" Doenitz waved the message. "Why can't you write just: All U-Boats will report their position daily?"
"Because it depends when they receive and send their messages. If they receive this message before reporting to the great hoochie-woochie in the sky--"
"The who?"
"chie--woochie," Herr, Admiral."
"And what's that on your head?"
"A tea cozy, Herr Admiral."
"It looks like a chicken about to lay an egg on your head."
"It's lined with foil inside. It keeps me from hearing voices."
Doenitz shifted in his chair, "You hear voices?"
"Only when I don't wear a tea cozy. Sometimes I hear Churchill's speeches in French. He has a terrible accent."
"Does Churchill give speeches in French?"
"No, Herr Admiral, he speaks to the House of Commons in English, they haven't learned German yet."
Doenitz shook his head. "Now, let's see . . ."Why was it I called you?"
"To wave a message at me? Or maybe to congratulate me on my splendid work?"
" Ah yes," Doenitz frowned. "It was your verbosity. Watching that chicken on your head is distracting me."
"It's a tea cozy, her Admiral. It also catches and detects enemy secret communications, like Churchill's speeches in French."
"You told me he didn't speak French."
"No, I said the British Parliament didn't speak French."
"Now, what does the British Parliament have to do with anything we're discussing today?"
"Last I heard they are our enemies, though I would prefer to vote Labour in the next elections."
"You vote in England?"
"I sometimes wear a bowler hat."
Doenitz lit a cigar. "Balz, go to the harbor and check out progress on your boat. Take your time. Don't hurry back."
From BDU
To all U-Boats at sea and not previously sunk or destroyed Those boats that have been sunk don't need to reply. To make sure everyone understands those of you who have been killed in action or kaboomed while silently lurking will not be required to report their final incident.
Those of you who up to now have not been killed will report their position daily unless ypu get killed before reporting.
Doenitz took a deep breath and bellowed, "Baaaalz!"
Balz, the acting operations officer, entered the room, clicked his heels and stood at attention. "Jawhol, Herr Admiral."
"What sort of rubbish is this?" Doenitz waved the message. "Why can't you write just: All U-Boats will report their position daily?"
"Because it depends when they receive and send their messages. If they receive this message before reporting to the great hoochie-woochie in the sky--"
"The who?"
"chie--woochie," Herr, Admiral."
"And what's that on your head?"
"A tea cozy, Herr Admiral."
"It looks like a chicken about to lay an egg on your head."
"It's lined with foil inside. It keeps me from hearing voices."
Doenitz shifted in his chair, "You hear voices?"
"Only when I don't wear a tea cozy. Sometimes I hear Churchill's speeches in French. He has a terrible accent."
"Does Churchill give speeches in French?"
"No, Herr Admiral, he speaks to the House of Commons in English, they haven't learned German yet."
Doenitz shook his head. "Now, let's see . . ."Why was it I called you?"
"To wave a message at me? Or maybe to congratulate me on my splendid work?"
" Ah yes," Doenitz frowned. "It was your verbosity. Watching that chicken on your head is distracting me."
"It's a tea cozy, her Admiral. It also catches and detects enemy secret communications, like Churchill's speeches in French."
"You told me he didn't speak French."
"No, I said the British Parliament didn't speak French."
"Now, what does the British Parliament have to do with anything we're discussing today?"
"Last I heard they are our enemies, though I would prefer to vote Labour in the next elections."
"You vote in England?"
"I sometimes wear a bowler hat."
Doenitz lit a cigar. "Balz, go to the harbor and check out progress on your boat. Take your time. Don't hurry back."