Achmed gets to meet his 72 virgins

[Monica Lewinsky]

This video is made by one of the the bad guys over there. The cameraman is filming his "friend" as he launches mortar shots at American troops.

Little does Achmed know that new mortar shell tracking technology can track the trajectory of a hostile round and fire a retaliatory shot to precisely the spot from which the hostile shell was fired from. There is only one catch to the requirements. It requires the hostile mortar to fire 2 to 3 rounds. Make SURE you count the number of mortar rounds the masked insurgent fires in the video until he meets them virgins in another world.

http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/Oops_Mortar_Rounds.wmv

I've always wondered what you do with all them virgins. :)

[SteamWake]

Thats some stunning technology right there.

[nikimcbee]

So who says those virgins will be female. I think this guy will get 72 she-males, for his military prowess.:rotfl:

[A Very Super Market]

Given his crappy-looking equipment, I'd say that was his own round detonating inside the tube.


Or a joke vid.

[SandyCaesar]

Ironic, wasn't it, how they were shouting "Allahu Akhbar" every time he fires a shot...well, until "Artillery Akhbar". Crack! Crack! Crack...BOOOM! :|\\

Still, when you consider transit time of the counterbattery fire, time needed to disseminate information, time needed to aim and fire, I have to say: good job for the CB guys.

Any chance of seeing this on Iranian State TV soon?:hmm:

[SandyCaesar]

Given his crappy-looking equipment, I'd say that was his own round detonating inside the tube.


Or a joke vid.

That would have to be a hell of a mortar shell to blow up like that in the tube, considering its size (60mm-82mm). Joke vid, possible but unlikely.

And you have to remember, mortars are often quite crude-looking, but they get the job the job done. You only having to remember the IRA propane mortars, for instance.

[SteamWake]

I particurally enjoyed the manual aiming method ;)

[Fincuan]

:lol: That one always gets a smile on my face.

I'd say(having actually worked with both heavy and light mortars and fired them) that's a shell blowing up inside the tube, or at least that's what the makers of that vid want to indicate. In that timeframe it would be impossible to get CB fire to that location because just the flight time would be longer than the whole video.

[Rockstar]

I stopped the video at 16 seconds then played it frame by frame. Seems the the direction of the blast initially expanded out through of the muzzle of the mortar tube and out the back along the ground a few feet then into a ball of fire and smoke


I have to add that for some reason it made me think of Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

...And Saint Atilla raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... ["skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." Amen.

"ONE! TWO! FIVE!" Sir Galahad corrects him, shouting "Three, Sir!" Arthur then yells "THREE!" and hurls the grenade at the killer rabbit. The Grenade soars through the air, accompanied by a short bit of choral music, then bounces once and explodes.
.

[darius359au]

Oh yeah ,it's definitely an own goal - In the words of Achmed the dead terrorist "There's a bunch of ugly assed guys out there ,Are you my Virgins? ,Oh Crap I'm screeewwwwed" :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[SandyCaesar]

Oh, okay. Hell of an explosion for a light mortar, though.

That makes the failure even more embarrassing. "Heroically killed by own mortar shell" just doesn't have the same ring as "heroically martyred by American artillery.:sunny:

[AngusJS]

Also, wouldn't you be able to hear the incoming rounds in the video?

[A Very Super Market]

I didn't think that was that big an explosion, it seemed pretty confined to me. Also, the rather haphazard (read: idiotic) way he is handling his ammunition and mortar supports the premature detonation theory. It has to be a joke vid, why would terrorists put such an embarrasing video for everyone to see?

[UnderseaLcpl]

This video is made by one of the the bad guys over there. The cameraman is filming his "friend" as he launches mortar shots at American troops.

Little does Achmed know that new mortar shell tracking technology can track the trajectory of a hostile round and fire a retaliatory shot to precisely the spot from which the hostile shell was fired from. There is only one catch to the requirements. It requires the hostile mortar to fire 2 to 3 rounds. Make SURE you count the number of mortar rounds the masked insurgent fires in the video until he meets them virgins in another world.

http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/Oops_Mortar_Rounds.wmv

I've always wondered what you do with all them virgins. :)


I have some serious doubts as to the accuracy of those statements.

First of all, counterbattery fire is directed by seperate, ground-based "firefinder" radar, not by guided shells. This is especially true in the case of a mortar round. There may be "smart" mortars in our arsenal, but rest assured that their functions do not include tracking hostile fire to determine and attack the P.O.O. (point of origin, terrible acronym:roll: ) They are simply too small, and lack sufficient "hang-time" to accquire a target, especially if that target had to fire more than once.

I'm inclined to believe that the blast in this video is either fake or came from an equipment malfunction, as A Very Super Market (whose name is a pain to type;) ), and a couple others seem to think.
The time between the first round fired and the detonation is way, way too short for a counterbattery attack. The information on shell trajectory has to be interpreted by the radar operator (automatic process showing a grid square on newer equipment) and then relayed, by radio, to the firing battery or mortar platoon. For the round to land directly on the guy, at least a 12-digit grid square would be needed. Then the information has to be sent to the firing computer, which will compute a solution for each firing position. Then the mortar or gun crew has to aim their weapon, and load if required, all before the target can be engaged.

Simply put, even if the target was accquired and the counterbattery crew was on standby with a loaded weapon (not possible with field artillery, which requires the additional information of which powder bag(s) to use), there is no way in hell that they could aim and fire in that amount of time, let alone the time needed for shell travel.

The insurgent in this vid was either hit by a direct-fire or aerial weapon, or his round cooked off, or the vid is a fake.

Still fun to watch, though.:D

[Rockstar]

I didn't think that was that big an explosion, it seemed pretty confined to me. Also, the rather haphazard (read: idiotic) way he is handling his ammunition and mortar supports the premature detonation theory. It has to be a joke vid, why would terrorists put such an embarrasing video for everyone to see?

I suspect it was real. After the explosion any survivors ran out of the area leaving comrads and equipment behind. Troops sent to search the area probably found the camera and itty bitty peices of the star of the show.

[HunterICX]

It has to be a joke vid, why would terrorists put such an embarrasing video for everyone to see?

Because they do that more often?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfXldMDEj-0

HunterICX

[Schroeder]

I suspect it was real. After the explosion any survivors ran out of the area leaving comrads and equipment behind. Troops sent to search the area probably found the camera and itty bitty peices of the star of the show.

If you want to fake something like that, would your cameraman stand there like a statue or would he be acting as if he were scared and shocked = running away from the explosion?;)

[Fincuan]

Because they do that more often?

...and even more often http://www.apacheclips.com/media/633/Another_Muji_Mortar/

[A Very Super Market]

Ah, the internet, bringing everbody to shame since 1999.

[Frame57]

Maybe it is their version of "Jackass". :D

[Oberon]

Allah Ack-bang!

Although it's not just Achmed who makes mistakes, it's just he generally kills himself doing them, we learnt to stop doing a long time ago:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=j7JiaokM46k

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=tkE-cCJ--Cc&feature=related

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=axk76-LS6uc&feature=related

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=TlcFvrbRVvs

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iyAMC7miuy4

And one of my favourites:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlU-vXC4BA

[SandyCaesar]

"Mr. Achmed, sir? I have good news: your application for transfer from the Artillery to the Suicide Corps has been granted...effective immediately."

And for those videos...:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[FIREWALL]

Why 72 ? :-? Those short dicked mo fo's have trouble with one fat wore-out one.

[SteamWake]

Heh.. leads creedence to the old phrase... "Stuff happens" :p

[Monica Lewinsky]

Why 72 ? :-? Those short dicked mo fo's have trouble with one fat wore-out one.

I assume you were peeking when you verified this statement? :p

[August]

And one of my favourites:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlU-vXC4BA

In all fairness Low Altitude Parachute Extractions (LAPES) have never been a completely reliable means for delivering stuff to the battlefield. It's been a long time since i had to know this but iirc it has an average success rate somewhere around 80-90%.

[bookworm_020]

His 72 virgins will be some nuns armed with baseball bats!:yep:

[OneToughHerring]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4I6-2NJhnf4&feature=related

[August]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4I6-2NJhnf4&feature=related

That kind of thing used to be called "The fog of war" and sadly it has happened to every military in every war throughout history.

[NeonSamurai]

Also, wouldn't you be able to hear the incoming rounds in the video?

That's Hollywood.. If you hear the shells it usually means the shells missed and went over head. Your typical artillery shell is supersonic, so it goes faster then the sound it makes. The only time you would hear it before it hit you is if it were subsonic.

[Oberon]

And one of my favourites:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlU-vXC4BA

In all fairness Low Altitude Parachute Extractions (LAPES) have never been a completely reliable means for delivering stuff to the battlefield. It's been a long time since i had to know this but iirc it has an average success rate somewhere around 80-90%.

It's still a fantastic idea, when it works :up:

[XabbaRus]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4I6-2NJhnf4&feature=related

What annoys me about this video is the intro written by the poster of the video. Basically saying it happened because of not having 21st century equipment but relying on dayglo panels. Dayglo panels are simple and unjambable.....

It was a screw up, as happens. Would it have not happened had they been in radio contact?

The comments then written by youtube users are embarrassing to me a Brit.

[antikristuseke]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4I6-2NJhnf4&feature=related

What annoys me about this video is the intro written by the poster of the video. Basically saying it happened because of not having 21st century equipment but relying on dayglo panels. Dayglo panels are simple and unjambable.....

It was a screw up, as happens. Would it have not happened had they been in radio contact?

The comments then written by youtube users are embarrassing to me a Brit.

Dont pay attention to youtube comments, it is only a hares breath away from being
/b/. I actualy wonder how some of those people manage to not forget reathing while typing, their multitasking skills must be leet.

[SteamWake]

Dont pay attention to youtube comments, it is only a hares breath away from being
/b/. I actualy wonder how some of those people manage to not forget [b]reathing while typing, their multitasking skills must be leet.

Fixed for you :p now inhale... :)