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SUBMAN1
11-14-08, 12:37 AM
Some people should take this part to heart:

64. Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their asses kicked.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

-S




1. Can cuss for a full ten minutes without ever repeating a word.

2. Know that "Cav" is an abnormal condition that can be cured with testosterone shots.

3. Can remember when there were real NCOs in the Army.

4. Will fight with bayonets and E-tools just to save ammo.

5. Wear Corcoran jump boots in garrison just in case they have to kick the **** out of some loudmouthed MP.

6. Have eyes in the backs of their heads.

7. Can see in the dark.

8. Would rather be a squad leader than a general.

9. Have wet dreams about leading a parachute assault on Baghdad .

10. Still don't trust the Russians.

11. Still hate the French.

12. Will take vacation time just to make a pilgrimage to see Iron Mike.

13. Know who Iron Mike is.

14. Don't give a damn about being politically correct.

15. Don't know how to be politically correct.

16. Think that "politically correct" should fall under "sodomy" in the UCMJ.

17. Love deploying to combat because there's less paperwork.

18. Can be found eating and bunking with the troops.

19. Can remember the "daily dozen."

20. Can remember running PT in boots.

21. Have enough "fruit salad" on their greens to be Mexican field marshals.

22. Have enough time in service to retire as captains.

23. Think it's cool to teach their kids how to do "SPORTS."

24. Do not fear women in the military.

25. Would actually like to date GI Jane.

26. Are convinced that "wall-to-wall counseling" really works.

27. Think that Bradley crewmen are emasculated infantrymen.

28. Know that tankers exist in order to allow the enemy to deplete its basic load of sabot ammunition.

29. Know where the "Green Ramp" is.

30. Can remember who their "Ranger Buddy" was.

31. Know that there's a difference between "giving orders" and "going through the orders process."

32. Think that "slides" involve ropes and snap links.

33. Don't like taking orders from a guy who couldn't get a DD 214.

34. Still know how to PMCS a buffer.

35. Can field strip an M1 Garand, although an M14 is an authorized substitute.

36. Believe that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.

37. Know that most of life's problems can be solved by applying the eight steady hold factors.

38. Know that the US Military was too stupid to have assassinated Kennedy.

39. Believe that "Nuts" wasn't exactly all that BG McAuliffe said to the Krauts at Bastogne .

40. Think that we should develop nuke rounds for the M203.

41. Know the true meaning of the word Hooah.

42. Want both "Cross of Iron" and "Saving Private Ryan" to be training films.

43. Don't know how to use a "stress card."

44. Idolize John Wayne.

45. Know why you should carry two field dressings on your LBE.

46. Would rather have a "mad minute" than a "VTC."

47. Shudder when they hear "Garry Owen."

48. Know that the vertical buttstroke is not a sexual position.

49. Don't believe that "AAFES" needs a "commander."

50. Don't need "leadership tabs" to know when they're in charge.

51. Can pass a PT test slobbering drunk.

52. Can remember when two boys in bed together was wrong.

53. Don't have to "do a Lewinski" to get a "one block."

54. Don't give a damn if they get a "one block."

55. Won't brief it if it's too complicated to fit on a few 3 x 5 cards.

56. Would have paid money to watch Custer getting his clock cleaned.

57. Believe troops don't really want the "Single Soldier Initiative."

58. Really don't like taking crap from those who haven't "been there."

59. Believe that "RHIP" was invented by individuals who couldn't lead their way out of a field latrine.

60. Know how to properly construct a field latrine.

61. Can set the headspace and timing on a "fifty" by touch alone.

62. Know how to do a "daisy chain."

63. Enjoy heating MREs with C4.

64. Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their asses kicked.

65. Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably still don't have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan .

66. Would rather be OPFOR than MOPP4.

67. Know that the new OER system is as screwed up as the old one.

68. Think that the neutron bomb would be appropriate for the Bosnia scenario.

69. Realize that Reagan won the Gulf War.

70. Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.

71. Want to be like Teddy Roosevelt.

72. Love the smell of napalm in the morning.

73. Know that "napalm" is really called "incendi-gel."

74. Don't need a GPS to find themselves.

75. Think of Army aviators as guys who wear pajamas to work.

76. Know that it really is possible to crawl inside a Kevlar when someone's shooting at you.

77. Have enough extra TA-50 in their closets to start a surplus store.

78. Would love to own their own HMMWV.

79. Believe that SMA McKinney got caught.

80. Think that MREs taste good.

81. Would like to see what kind of creature "ham and chicken loaf" comes from.

82. Realize that there were no starving people in Somalia .

83. Can remember open bay barracks.

84. Believe that "combat power on the objective" is a bunch of crap.

85. Believe that killing the enemy isn't.

86. Know that "accuracy counts," especially in combat.

87. Know the Ranger Creed or Fiddler's Green by heart.

88. Still have jungle fatigues in their closets.

89. Never count on the artillery in a clutch.

90. Believe that terrorists can be taken care of for 32 cents each (the cost of a 9mm round).

91. Would love to go to sniper school.

92. Have more time on a static line than most other soldiers have in the chow line.

93. Know what a "link count" is.

94. Realize that volleyball is the most important subject taught at CAS3.

95. Know that it's not real coffee if you can't stand a track jack up in it.

96. Don't need a "MCOO" to know where the enemy will come from.

97. Remember when the "men were men" and the "women were women."

98. Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M16.

99. Are never too friendly with anyone that they are not willing to say good-bye to through the scope of their rifle.

100. Know that crappy leaders will always say they have crappy soldiers.

SUBMAN1
11-14-08, 12:39 AM
And since we are on the subject:

-S

The difference between Infantry, Air Cavalry, and Artillery

HAPPINESS IS . . .
Infantry: A good rifle
Cavalry: An AH-64
Artillery: A loud boom

UPON HEARING FIREWORKS
Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire exercise
Cavalry: Not loud enough
Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks?

OTHER TRADES
Infantry: Waste of rations
Cavalry: Waste of rations
Artillery: Waste of rations

IDEA OF FUN
Infantry: Not having to "pepper-pot" an entire grid square before the objective
Cavalry: Racing across a grid square on at NOE
Artillery: Leveling a grid square

FAVORITE SONG
Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
Cavalry: "Purple Haze"
Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!

BIGGEST LUXURY IN THE FIELD
Infantry: Engineers blowing trenches for them with C4
Cavalry: Grunts to dig their trenches for them
Artillery: Cable

A LONG ROUTE MARCH WITH FULL KIT
Infantry: 20 clicks
Cavalry: From the hangars to the helicopter
Artillery: What's a route march?

OFFICERS
Infantry: Are morons and should stay away from the trenchlines
Cavalry: Are morons and should stay out of the aircraft
Artillery: Are morons and should stay away from the gun lines

FAVORITE MODE OF TRANSPORTATION
Infantry: Anything but walking
Cavalry: Apaches. Apaches. Apaches. apachesapachesapacheAPACHES!
Artillery: Don't you have to move around to require transport?

BIGGEST GRIPE IN THE FIELD
Infantry: The weather
Cavalry: Coffee maker in helicopter not working
Artillery: Only having basic cable

BREAKFAST IN THE FIELD
Infantry: I don't care what it is, just so long as I can sit down to eat it
Cavalry: Hot coffee and rum with a beer chaser
Artillery: Eggs over easy, crispy bacon, sausages, toast and Tim Horton's coffee

WHAT THEY CALL THEMSELVES
Infantry: Death Techs
Cavalry: Cav
Artillery: 10 Mile Snipers

WHAT OTHERS CALL THEM
Infantry: Grunts
Cavalry: Zipperheads
Artillery: Drop shorts

NeonSamurai
11-14-08, 09:36 AM
OFFICERS
Cavalry: Are morons and should stay out of the aircraft


Odd I though the guys that fly Apaches and slicks are themselves officers (warrant officer at the minimum) ;)

Cute though I'm not sure I would agree with the 100 list, the other one is good though

August
11-14-08, 09:50 AM
I probably posted this before but what the hey:

The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)


1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

15. Quartermaster: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

16. C-17 Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.

17. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.

20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

22. MinuteMan Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

24. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

25. Signal: Tries to communicate with snake...fail repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate. Signal Officer informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to video-conference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. SigO abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, complains, and takes credit. In the end, General Dynamics and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the 2 smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake is forgotten.

26. Submariner: Follows the snake unnoticed for several days before launching a
salvo of duds and colliding with the snake.

Letum
11-14-08, 10:00 AM
26. Submariner: Follows the snake unnoticed for several days before launching a
salvo of duds and colliding with the snake.

August
11-14-08, 10:23 AM
26. Submariner: Follows the snake unnoticed for several days before launching a
salvo of duds and colliding with the snake.

Good one! Added to the list.

Biggles
11-14-08, 11:45 AM
Okay, so if I ever join the army, then I guess I'll try to get into the artillery;)

Quillan
11-14-08, 01:38 PM
Let's see, how did this one go?

An infantryman slumps after completing a 10 mile march in the rain, and mutters to himself "God, this is sh!t".

A Ranger lies in wet grass, having marched 15 miles through the forest in the rain to set up an ambush and says to himself "God, this is the sh!t!"

A Green Beret, having marched 20 miles through the swamp to take out an enemy command post says to his buddy "God, I love this sh!t!"

A navy SEAL, having parachuted into the ocean, swam 5 miles to shore, and crawled 20 miles through rain and mud to rescue some prisoners raises his fists into the air and screams "GOD, GIVE ME MORE OF THIS SH!T!"

A fighter pilot, sitting in his air conditioned apartment drinking beer in the heat of the day, turns to his roommate and says "The goddamned cable is out! What is this sh!t?"