Dear Red States

[Foxtrot]

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio , they are seriously considering it. We've given them until today to decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A. To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals then we Bluies. Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

(pun intended)
:D :oops:

[UnderseaLcpl]

We accept. Have fun.:D

[Thomen]

That sounds vaguely familiar.. doesn't the same thing made its round 4 years ago? hehe

[Kapitan_Phillips]

Bush's Quagmire.



http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p128/Giggleheimer/Quagmire.gif

[Onkel Neal]

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio , they are seriously considering it. We've given them until today to decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A. To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals then we Bluies. Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

(pun intended)
:D :oops:

You're a very nice person, I hope that made you feel better.

[FIREWALL]

Light up another bowl. ;)

[Digital_Trucker]

Light up another bowl. ;)

And don't bogart it this time:rotfl:

[castorp345]

Light up another bowl. ;)

hurrah for MA! we just decriminalized possession of marijuana under the amount of one ounce (goes into effect in 30 days)!
:rock:

personally, i'd much rather spark up a joint any day than get pissed on booze
(and now i can without worry).
:|\\

[RickC Sniper]

92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes

Obviously you've never been to northern Minnesota in the summer.

[Tango589]

I'm looking forward to a Red State comeback to this...:hmm:

[GlobalExplorer]

Brilliant post. :rotfl:But remember, it's not good style to rub it in. People of the confederacy have feelings too, better not hurt them today.

[Thomen]

Light up another bowl. ;)
hurrah for MA! we just decriminalized possession of marijuana under the amount of one ounce (goes into effect in 30 days)!
:rock:

personally, i'd much rather spark up a joint any day than get pissed on booze
(and now i can without worry).
:|\\

Better hurry up and smoke in advance.. no telling how long the Feds need to waltz in and overthrow it again.

[Quillan]

Hmm, we've also got the vast majority of the oil. With you guys taking the bulk of the population with you, we'll be down below $1 a gallon gasoline pretty quickly. You, on the other hand, will have to pay through the nose for all petroleum products. That should be interesting. Enjoy!

[August]

Hmm, we've also got the vast majority of the oil. With you guys taking the bulk of the population with you, we'll be down below $1 a gallon gasoline pretty quickly. You, on the other hand, will have to pay through the nose for all petroleum products. That should be interesting. Enjoy!

We've (meaning the red states and me once I moved there) also have nearly 100% of the military bases and equipment. I'm sure we'd soon be sending some of that back to you (at 1800fps) as soon as is practical...

[cj95]

I wasnt aware that mosquitos were tracked as a demographic group on a state to state basis.......:roll:

[GlobalExplorer]

Hmm, we've also got the vast majority of the oil. With you guys taking the bulk of the population with you, we'll be down below $1 a gallon gasoline pretty quickly. You, on the other hand, will have to pay through the nose for all petroleum products. That should be interesting. Enjoy!
We've (meaning the red states and me once I moved there) also have nearly 100% of the military bases and equipment. I'm sure we'd soon be sending some of that back to you (at 1800fps) as soon as is practical...

Wait, I just played that on my computer, the Confederacy did well in 1st and 2nd Manassas until they shot their best General and then they lost it by lack of manpower, war materials and money.

No really, if you wanna abreact yourself I seriously recommend this (http://shopus.ageod.com/game-description-American_Civil_War-659234.html). With the CSA I stormed Washington and Baltimore in '63 with the Yankee I was victorious in '62.

[Task Force]

Ya know, this sounds eriely fimiliar to the Civil war.:yep:

[GlobalExplorer]

OFF TOPIC!!! But if I could stump your nose into that, then this thread was not in vain ;)

[MothBalls]

Hmm, we've also got the vast majority of the oil.

Most of the missiles are in the north.

[Seth8530]

Hmm, we've also got the vast majority of the oil.
Most of the missiles are in the north.

Well thank god it dont take very many

[August]

Wait, I just played that on my computer, the Confederacy did well in 1st and 2nd Manassas until they shot their best General and then they lost it by lack of manpower, war materials and money.

No really, if you wanna abreact yourself I seriously recommend this (http://shopus.ageod.com/game-description-American_Civil_War-659234.html). With the CSA I stormed Washington and Baltimore in '63 with the Yankee I was victorious in '62.

Well back then the north had the manufacturing capacity to win the war and the transportation network to move it around. The south on the other hand was a mainly agrarian society with few factories or roads. Those situations have changed considerably since 1861.

Now i'm a confirmed Yankee and would never fight against my United States government, no matter how misguided and dunderheaded they are, but I'm pretty sure that if a second American Civil war started tomorrow those Red States would kick the snot out of us...

[Hylander_1314]

Hmm, we've also got the vast majority of the oil. With you guys taking the bulk of the population with you, we'll be down below $1 a gallon gasoline pretty quickly. You, on the other hand, will have to pay through the nose for all petroleum products. That should be interesting. Enjoy!
We've (meaning the red states and me once I moved there) also have nearly 100% of the military bases and equipment. I'm sure we'd soon be sending some of that back to you (at 1800fps) as soon as is practical...

Wait, I just played that on my computer, the Confederacy did well in 1st and 2nd Manassas until they shot their best General and then they lost it by lack of manpower, war materials and money.

No really, if you wanna abreact yourself I seriously recommend this (http://shopus.ageod.com/game-description-American_Civil_War-659234.html). With the CSA I stormed Washington and Baltimore in '63 with the Yankee I was victorious in '62.

Actually it should be called the unCivil War, since no war is civil by any means. Or War Between the States, or better yet, The War for States Rights. The States lost btw.

[CaptainHaplo]

Sure you have missiles - but remember - your anti-war - so you have to disarm yourself unilaterally.

Your right - you have 92% of the countries fruits.... most of those come from California... Oh wait - did you mean the food kind or did you mean the people?

You can have florida - its Gods waiting room anyway - and as its geographically seperated - no you cant overfly us, we will just wait till all the old folks feed the alligators and then take over disneyworld and the beaches.

You get 2/3rds the tax revenue - for now. But with all the tax and spend liberals you will have running your country, the states will all be combined to form one big state - of taxation! So while your redistributing the wealth of all those "big businesses", watch em all move to the red states where we won't tax them for being innovative and successful. Unemployment will skyrocket for you, while we will become your "offshore" problem.

I guess your going to be spending alot of those taxes on education as you want to "educate your children". Good luck with how well you blue staters have screwed up public education to date. Down here we will teach our kids to love and respect the Creator, how to do useful things like hunt and fish and make their own way, while you teach yours that the government is their new mommy and the nipple of welfare will keep them happy. That will be useful given the unemployment mentioned above.

As for the "higher education" sector - you can have Harvard and Yale. We will keep Clemson, Wake Forest, Duke and the University of North Carolina as well as many other fine institutions like Texas and Texas Tech, Alabama and Oklahoma. Since will we educate our children (doubtlessly allowing vouchers to create competition and thus effective eduction vs your public sinkhole), we will not only be smarter than you, but we will be able to kick your arse in basketball and football, as well as a war.

Of course, bringing up "violent" and non-politically correct sports isn't fair to you - since you will believe that everyone should be entitled to be a "winner" regardless of talent or ability. From your affirmative action programs to your "results don't matter" education system and the "success must be punished - preferably by taxes!" mantra, the thought of competion really isnt something you would cherish.

Not to mention with all that pot smoking your all going to be doing, the munchies are really not going to be doing your overall athletic ability any good. After all, do you think Jabba the Hutt could have played basketball? *Though he might have made a good offensive lineman........*

Speaking of sports - you guys do get to keep tennis - but is there anyone that considers that a real sport? We get golf - because not only can you not build a course due to its "environmental impact", everyone knows that we have the best courses on the continent. Just ask Tiger, he is building his course not far from where I type this.

You mentioned wine and cheese - yes you do have the majority of that. But we get places like Biltmore in NC - which is the equal of any Cali winery you can name. Since you all are all about "green" - you can't have cheese though. That comes from cows and they make way too much methane for the environment. You will have to subtitute real cheese for soy based fakes. Good luck getting that to age well! We get microbreweries - and mountain stills that make the best peach brandy in the world.

Speaking on natural resources, while you may have great things like oil, unfortunately you wont be able to actually USE it - because drilling is evil and petrolium products are evil. We will keep Alaska and West Virginia - so our oil and coal needs are met - oh dont forget we get access to the Gulf States offshore reserves too. Too bad your scared of nuclear power - cuz we will have alot of it for sale. Thankfully your government will mortgage its future buying energy we will happily and safely produce.

Speaking of Alaska, we will not only exploit the tundra - but all the crude and natural gas flowing thru those pipes are going to get the moose and caribou all nice and warm - likely frisky too - so we will have energy and a nice dinner of red meat while your eating soy cheese to satisfy those munchies from your "roll your own" parties.

Yes people down here are a little on the hefty side. But hey - seeing as how we won't have a problem telling all the illegals we wont give them free health care, I think we will have no problem taking care of our own. Sure we probably will have a higher mortality rate - but you want to eat lettuce and jog every day - you feel free. We are happier eatin grits with redeye gravy, living a few years shorter, and at least enjoying life instead of pretending to be 2 legged rabbits.

Since you have disarmed to the point that your northern neighbor Canada could mobilize their army and take you over (thats what - one tank and 3 soldiers they got up there?) - dont worry about world security. We won't be all namby-pampy dealing with the knuckleheads of the world. While your busy telling Iran "Please don't build a nuclear weapon, that would be bad. We are sorry for whatever we did that makes you behave this way. Will you not do it if we say pretty please???", we will elect a leader that understands how to deal with rogue states. The first act will be to call the head of whatever rogue state is being stupid and say "Well you want nuclear weapons? Fair enough - I have three on the way right now and they should be there in about 8 minutes. Have a nice day." Problem solved. See, we won't have a problem making a decision when its a "them or us" question.

Terrorism will cease to be a problem for us since we will racially profile - because we understand that the guy in a turban with a funny accent is alot more likely to be a terrorist than Billy Bob the farmer who is wearin overalls and smells like he just came in from the fields. Sure it might not be "nice", but it will be effective. Ok - our policy of "The first terrorist act that occurs here will result in all the muslims of the world facing east toward the new Mecca parking lot." may also have something to do with it. Unfortunately for you, it might "offend" someone if you actually used any remaining brain cells you might have to root out bad guys before they blow you up, so expect things like train bombings and stuff right before your elections just like they have in France nowadays. Thankfully, you will be just high enough to either not care, or liberal enough to wonder what horrible things you have done to make these people hate you so much. Maybe you can talk them out of acting this way - but of course make sure you apologize to them first.

You talked about the teenage pregnancy issue. Yes its a real problem, but while you slowly reduce your numbers by killing off your progeny with things like partial birth abortions, we will take our kids and teach them that if they create a life, they are responsible for it. Yes - as horrible as it may sound - we will teach personal responsibility, so that our grandkids and great grandkids will be more discerning in their decisions, not wanting to be saddled with a child at a young age.

While I am on it - we will ban gay marriage - while you blueys will not only condone it, but encourage it. So between abortions, same sex relationships that create no children, and of course the spread of such wonderful sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV, you won't have anyone alive up there in a few generations.

(Note - an old friend here was homosexual - and in no way is this meant to deride him or his personal choices. It is however a fact that such a lifestyle is unhealthy. RIP LeoV)

In the fine tradition of the "south" - let me say - "Ya'll DONT come back now, ya hear?"

[Yahoshua]

We also have 2 out of the 3 largest ports of commerce (Houston and New Orleans) and 85% of most U.S. based corporations here in Houston.:D

[GoldenRivet]

If Texas were to depart the dear old union little would change.

sure there would be vast logistics about it.

But the US Military has a large setup in the state of Texas... sure... they could stay, we will just tax the crap out of them.

1. elect a president.
2. we already have a state constitution, we could adopt the US constitution with modifications
3. Raise a military, several good ports in TX for a navy
4. Coin our own money
5. create over seas alliances

i could only see Texas bailing out of the USA if President Hussein came after our guns.

you can bet your ass they will have to kill me to collect mine.

because once the state disarms you, you're no longer a citizen... you're a peasant

[GlobalExplorer]

This thread is a joke anyway :p
I tryed the demo of Birth of America when you posted it in the other games forum, but I couldn't really sink in it, I don't mind the complexity but without knowing much of the context it's difficult. Otherwise I really like the graphic style, and WWI sounds better to my ears, I hope they will have a demo available soon for this one.

Mind it's gonna be by a different team and a different engine, and the graphics are not so nice imo. But some people said that it's based on some boardgame that kicks ass. I think I will wait for Vainglory of Nations which is about victorian age until WWI, and it will have an even greater campaign than AACW, opening up the way for real diplomacy.

[GlobalExplorer]

Now i'm a confirmed Yankee and would never fight against my United States government, no matter how misguided and dunderheaded they are, but I'm pretty sure that if a second American Civil war started tomorrow those Red States would kick the snot out of us...

Interesting .. thank god it's just hypothetical, or in other words: we're just talking **** :up:

[Blacklight]

What an awesome idea !!! Can we get this as a question on the next election ballots ? :D

[Hitman]

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states

Cool, Subsim.com stays purely american :rock:

[GoldenRivet]

slave states?

Slavery has been abolished for a loooooong time, welcome to 2008.

i never understood why they call the south "slave states" when only a very small percentage of the southern population had the wealth to own a slave. We are made to look like every white person in the south once owned a slave... which is very far from the case

I wonder if you ever stopped to consider that slavery in America started out in places north of the "mason dixon" line?

guess not.

as far as states leaving the union... even a filthy, flea infested rat knows when to get the hell off of a sinking ship.

people say Obama is going to return America to Normal.

Im sorry but men being married to men and women being married to women is not "normal"

but then again i guess "normal" depends on who you ask.

Our nation has never fully recovered from the war of northern agression and our differences as a result of that conflict.

just look at the polls

our nation is more split down the middle than ever with poll results like "too close to call" and 49% - 51%

one half of the nation wants one thing the other half wants another.

so we have become the Dis-United States of America... the nation is "United" only in physical location and in political theory.

our nation is Divided in every other regard.

[mrbeast]

Seem to remember there was quite a bit of Southern agression inthat war too :hmm:

[August]

If civil war should break out in America again, unlike last time, it won't be geographically based. Every state in the union has sizable contingents of both sides living in close proximity to each other and folks would do well to remember that before advocating secession, forced or not.

[GoldenRivet]

its not Obama im so worried about.

more congress

[Vacquero]

Rivet, I'd imagine you could take most of Eastern New Mexico with yall. I'd join ya, if that were to happen.