View Full Version : You know whats grosser then gross?
Back in my HS years in the mid 80's, these jokes were incredibly popular, so I will start it off and I will ask my compadres of subsim to add on. Only one requirement, one liners only!
Whats grosser then gross?
You kiss your grandma goodbye and she slips you the tongue....
:o
Sailor Steve
08-26-08, 03:31 AM
Were you so busy telling 'gross' jokes that you didn't learn the difference between 'then' and 'than'? :p
d@rk51d3
08-26-08, 03:50 AM
That's the way it's spoken in "Chitcago, Illinoise":rotfl:
Frame57
08-26-08, 04:38 AM
You go to the doctor and he tells you that you need a prostate exam. You bend over and he begins the uncomfortable probing. While you are trying to think of anything else but what is going on you realize both of his hands are on your shoulders....:oops:
You go to the doctor and he tells you that you need a prostate exam. You bend over and he begins the uncomfortable probing. While you are trying to think of anything else but what is going on you realize both of his hands are on your shoulders....:oops:
:rotfl::rotfl:
I remember hearing this while watching Jim Davidson's 'In Your Face' (Kindly pointed to me by Kratos & Hunter).
I'll hijack this thread for abit, just to post the linky to the IYF, great watch. :up:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=jim+davidson+in+your+face&search_type=&aq=9&oq=jim+dav
Happy Times
08-26-08, 04:52 AM
Back in my HS years in the mid 80's, these jokes were incredibly popular, so I will start it off and I will ask my compadres of subsim to add on. Only one requirement, one liners only!
Whats grosser then gross?
Today its 2g1c.
Frame57
08-26-08, 05:17 AM
When i was the FNG on the Archerfish, I was selected to repair a valve in one of the sanitary tanks. The senior A gangers were chuckling because they thought it would gross me out. little did they know that i worked as a plumber apprentice before I joined the service and had some experience with sewers and such. So before i climbed into the tank I bought a baby ruth candy bar from the gedunk locker that the yeoman ran and put it in my coverall pocket. So I climb in the **** tank while a few of the other crew looked on and poked fun at me asking me how I like the working conditions etc... I casually replied, "all was fine and was getting hungry". While they kept jeering i took the candy bar out and exclaimed that i found something of Interest and approached the access hatch for them to see and proceeded to eat the candy bar feigning it to be something else entirely. The worm turned on them and they became grossed out. The Corpsman later chewed me out for eating in the sanitary tank, but it was worth the antics I guess. Things we did to entertain ourselves on Subs...:D
Jimbuna
08-26-08, 07:04 AM
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Were you so busy telling 'gross' jokes that you didn't learn the difference between 'then' and 'than'? :p
SS, you got me. :know: I was too caught up in my observations of the rather distinct changes in the post pubescent stage of the female homo sapien sapien. :rock:
That's the way it's spoken in "Chitcago, Illinoise":rotfl:
I don't think Neal would appreciate it if I would have spelled it the way I really wanted to:rotfl:
With the spelling play on the state, its unreal the amount of times I've heard people pronounce Illinois with the 's' at the end. I usually fire back, do you say Ar-kansas, when speaking about Ar kan saw?:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Just remember if ever in the second city, tree means three, jeet means did you eat, and a gangway is the walkway between two houses.
d@rk51d3
08-26-08, 07:46 AM
I don't think Neal would appreciate it if I would have spelled it the way I really wanted to:rotfl:
:rotfl:
That thought had crossed my mind.:yep:
Sailor Steve
08-26-08, 10:31 AM
Sailing ship. New sailor. Crusty old chief is showing him around. Baby sailor says "Chief, I don't know quite how to ask this, but we're going to be at sea for weeks. What do you do when you, you know...?"
"Well, son, when we're at sea we have 'The Barrel'."
"The Barrel?"
"Yup. See that barrel over there? See that hole down there? Any time you feel the urge, you just mosey on over there and let The Barrel do its thing. Best time you'll ever have on board, guaranteed."
The kid decides that's just to weird for him, so he goes about the business of learning the ship and the sea, and studiously avoids The Barrel. After a week of this he decides he can't take it anymore. When he's sure no one is looking he sneaks over to the barrel.
A few minutes later he seeks out the Chief. "Chief. I gotta tell you I had my doubts, but you were right; that was quite the experience! Can I do it again?"
"Sure you can, son. The only time you're restricted is when your on duty and on Tuesdays."
"Tuesdays? What happens on Tuesdays?"
"Well, now that you've joined the club, Tuesday's your day in the barrel!"
VipertheSniper
08-26-08, 10:37 AM
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
That's not grosser than gross, thats just very cynical.
What's gross? A baby in a trashcan. What's grosser? Two babies in a trashcan. What's grossest? One baby in two trashcans.
Frame57
08-26-08, 12:25 PM
Sailing ship. New sailor. Crusty old chief is showing him around. Baby sailor says "Chief, I don't know quite how to ask this, but we're going to be at sea for weeks. What do you do when you, you know...?"
"Well, son, when we're at sea we have 'The Barrel'."
"The Barrel?"
"Yup. See that barrel over there? See that hole down there? Any time you feel the urge, you just mosey on over there and let The Barrel do its thing. Best time you'll ever have on board, guaranteed."
The kid decides that's just to weird for him, so he goes about the business of learning the ship and the sea, and studiously avoids The Barrel. After a week of this he decides he can't take it anymore. When he's sure no one is looking he sneaks over to the barrel.
A few minutes later he seeks out the Chief. "Chief. I gotta tell you I had my doubts, but you were right; that was quite the experience! Can I do it again?"
"Sure you can, son. The only time you're restricted is when your on duty and on Tuesdays."
"Tuesdays? What happens on Tuesdays?"
"Well, now that you've joined the club, Tuesday's your day in the barrel!"Thank God we did not have the barrell on subs:rotfl:
Jimbuna
08-26-08, 12:57 PM
Sailing ship. New sailor. Crusty old chief is showing him around. Baby sailor says "Chief, I don't know quite how to ask this, but we're going to be at sea for weeks. What do you do when you, you know...?"
"Well, son, when we're at sea we have 'The Barrel'."
"The Barrel?"
"Yup. See that barrel over there? See that hole down there? Any time you feel the urge, you just mosey on over there and let The Barrel do its thing. Best time you'll ever have on board, guaranteed."
The kid decides that's just to weird for him, so he goes about the business of learning the ship and the sea, and studiously avoids The Barrel. After a week of this he decides he can't take it anymore. When he's sure no one is looking he sneaks over to the barrel.
A few minutes later he seeks out the Chief. "Chief. I gotta tell you I had my doubts, but you were right; that was quite the experience! Can I do it again?"
"Sure you can, son. The only time you're restricted is when your on duty and on Tuesdays."
"Tuesdays? What happens on Tuesdays?"
"Well, now that you've joined the club, Tuesday's your day in the barrel!"Thank God we did not have the barrell on subs:rotfl:
I heard you lot had the golden rivet instead :lol:
Jimbuna
08-26-08, 01:00 PM
Jade Goody has cancer, and she claims that she is worried that hair loss might ruin her looks.
Nice to see she hasn't lost her sense of humour.
Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give
away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign "FREE KITTENS"
next to them. Suddenly a long line of big black cars came up with a
policeman on a motorcycle in front. The cars all stopped and a tall man
stepped out from the biggest car. "Hi, little girl, what do you have
there in the box?" he asked.
"Kittens" Little Suzy says. "They're so small, their eyes are not even
open yet."
"What kind of kittens are they?" he asked.
"Democrats" says Little Suzy. The tall man smiled, returned to his car
and they drove away.
Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager
and told him about the little girl with the kittens. It was planned that
they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell
everyone about these "democrat" kitt ens.
The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of
kittens with the "FREE KITTENS" sign and the big motorcade of black cars
pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.
Everyone had their cameras ready and then Sen. Obama got out of his limo
and walked up to Little Suzy. "Now don't be frightened," he said, I just
want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens
you're giving away today."
"Yes sir," Suzy said, "they are all REPUBLICAN kittens."
Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, "But yesterday you told me they were
DEMOCRATS."
Little Suzy says, "Yes, I know. But, today they have their eyes open."
Olympic Funnies
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far
during the SummerOlympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weight-lifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I
saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak
from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother
and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some
deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect
the same thing again."In fact you can see it all over their
faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of
the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the Bri tish crew.."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got
eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses them...
Oh, my God, what have I just said?"
Jimbuna
08-27-08, 12:44 PM
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."
The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.'
"Grosser than Gross" ?
1728?
/you say tomato
*edit* this post is far too obscure, isn't it?
Sailor Steve
08-27-08, 02:51 PM
Since I have no clue what it means, I'll have to support your claim.
Platapus
08-27-08, 02:52 PM
"Grosser than Gross" ?
1728?
/you say tomato
*edit* this post is far too obscure, isn't it?
Not too obscure but I don't follow the math :up:
"Grosser than Gross" ?
1728?
/you say tomato
*edit* this post is far too obscure, isn't it?
Not too obscure but I don't follow the math :up:
1728 is the next up from a gross. It's a great gross. (one dozen gross)
I wonder why the American meaning of "Gross" never took off in the UK. What are the logins for the American meaning?
GlowwormGuy
08-27-08, 02:56 PM
When i was the FNG on the Archerfish, I was selected to repair a valve in one of the sanitary tanks. The senior A gangers were chuckling because they thought it would gross me out. little did they know that i worked as a plumber apprentice before I joined the service and had some experience with sewers and such. So before i climbed into the tank I bought a baby ruth candy bar from the gedunk locker that the yeoman ran and put it in my coverall pocket. So I climb in the **** tank while a few of the other crew looked on and poked fun at me asking me how I like the working conditions etc... I casually replied, "all was fine and was getting hungry". While they kept jeering i took the candy bar out and exclaimed that i found something of Interest and approached the access hatch for them to see and proceeded to eat the candy bar feigning it to be something else entirely. The worm turned on them and they became grossed out. The Corpsman later chewed me out for eating in the sanitary tank, but it was worth the antics I guess. Things we did to entertain ourselves on Subs...:D
Good one... I did something rather similar when we were asked to submit stool and urine samples at work. I took a bit of pre-chewed Snicker bar and a small bottle of apple juice and put them in the requisite containers so when the office secretary was asking for the samples I took them out but as I was about to hand them to her, I downed them both. They pretty much never forgave me for it but man their expressions afterwards were utterly priceless.
Platapus
08-27-08, 03:08 PM
"Grosser than Gross" ?
1728?
/you say tomato
*edit* this post is far too obscure, isn't it?
Not too obscure but I don't follow the math :up:
1728 is the next up from a gross. It's a great gross. (one dozen gross)
I wonder why the American meaning of "Gross" never took off in the UK. What are the logins for the American meaning?
Ah I was thinking 156 :)
Sailor Steve
08-27-08, 03:31 PM
I wonder why the American meaning of "Gross" never took off in the UK. What are the logins for the American meaning?
'Grosse' is of course German for 'big', or 'large'. 'Kaiser Friedrich der Grosse' = 'King Frederick the Great', which of course doesn't mean wonderful, but powerful, or a man of major accomplishment. Here in the US it came to be used as big, so when a man was said to be 'gross', they were saying he was fat. Since severe obesity is considered by many to be disgusting, 'gross' over the years came to mean anything disgusting. Funny how words evolve.
The opposite is also true. The English for 'gross' was 'great', which also meant large or powerful, and since 'the bigger the better', 'great' eventually came to mean 'wonderful'. So the same word is now used for opposite meanings. Ain't life gross...I mean, great?
Platapus
08-27-08, 03:38 PM
You know what is grosser than a pile of dead babies.
A live baby at the bottom chewing its way to the top.
Unfortunately the better "what is grosser than gross" jokes can't be posted here due to language restrictions. :nope:
Probably not a bad thing. :yep:
Digital_Trucker
08-27-08, 03:39 PM
Since I have no clue what it means, I'll have to support your claim.
I tried to find a miniature smiley, but I couldn't:88)
Just to make sure, for educationnal purpose :D
Gross in the US = disgusting, vulgar and so on
Gross in the UK = great, grand and so on ?
I always used it as "disgusting" (I've read calvin & hobbes too much), didn't know there was another meaning :-?
Gross in the UK means:
1: Great in value. i.e. Gross indecency
2: The number 144 (12x12)
3: The total. i.e. The gross weight of something
Jimbuna
08-28-08, 05:37 AM
You know what is grosser than a pile of dead babies.
A live baby at the bottom chewing its way to the top.
Unfortunately the better "what is grosser than gross" jokes can't be posted here due to language restrictions. :nope:
Probably not a bad thing. :yep:
Then edit them :lol:
What's grosser than gross?
Finding a pubic hair in your Bloody Mary.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls?
It's hard to move one of the piles with a pitchfork.
How do you get a thousand dead babies into a telephone booth?
Cuisinart
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs half way down Tina Turner's throat?
Mike
The same man in a lake?
Bob
In front of your door?
Matt
Tango589
08-28-08, 01:23 PM
You know what is grosser than a pile of dead babies.
A live baby at the bottom chewing its way to the top.
Unfortunately the better "what is grosser than gross" jokes can't be posted here due to language restrictions. :nope:
Probably not a bad thing. :yep:
Then edit them :lol:
What's grosser than gross?
Finding a pubic hair in your Bloody Mary.
Or finding a Bloody Mary in your pubic hairs?
Tango589
08-28-08, 01:28 PM
Finding a leper stirring your tea with his finger.
Jimbuna
08-29-08, 09:56 AM
Whats the definition of gross?
Dreaming you're eating cottage cheese and waking up with your grandmother sitting on your face.
Tango589
08-29-08, 11:30 AM
Whats the definition of gross?
Dreaming you're eating cottage cheese and waking up with your grandmother sitting on your face.
Thanks Jim.:roll:
I was eating cottage cheese when I read this, now I think I will just bin it then go and barf.:dead:
Finding a condom/pubic hair in a jar of mayonnaise!:eek: :D
In RL see my thread (Nice...rant) about finding a pile of sh*t on the elevator this morning. That was gross...:down: :down:
Jimbuna
08-29-08, 01:12 PM
Finding a condom/pubic hair in a jar of mayonnaise!:eek: :D
In RL see my thread (Nice...rant) about finding a pile of sh*t on the elevator this morning. That was gross...:down: :down:
I know mate, I responded :nope:
Tell ya what....stick some of that german marching music on reeeeeeeally high and the feckas might run off thinking the SS are on their way to sort em out :lol:
If I was over there, me and a few of the boys would shift em for you. :up:
Jimbuna
08-29-08, 01:13 PM
Whats the definition of gross?
Dreaming you're eating cottage cheese and waking up with your grandmother sitting on your face.
Thanks Jim.:roll:
I was eating cottage cheese when I read this, now I think I will just bin it then go and barf.:dead:
LOL :rotfl:
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