If you can't compete honestly, just cheat

[Platapus]

U.S. relay team stripped of 2000 Olympic gold medals
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/08/02/ioc.medals.ap/index.html

The International Olympic Committee has stripped gold medals from the U.S. men's 1,600-meter relay team that competed at the 2000 Games in the aftermath of Antonio Pettigrew's admission that he was doping at the time....

The IOC executive board disqualified the entire team, the fourth gold and sixth overall medal stripped from that U.S. track contingent in the past eight months for doping....

Three of the four runners from the relay final have been tainted by drugs....

Saturday's move came four months after the IOC stripped the gold from the U.S. women's 1,600m relay team and bronze from the women's 400m relay squad because of doping by Jones. She admitted last year that she used drugs at the time and returned her five medals, including gold in the 100m and 200m and bronze in the long jump.

I remember a time when I was proud of my country's participation in the Olympics.
I remember back when it was the "bad" countries that cheated in the Olympics.

Are we truly that insecure of our abilities that we need to cheat like this just to win?

Starting next week, every time I hear of an American winning a medal, I will have to think: honest or dishonest?

This not the way I should be thinking about my country's athletes.....but I guess we have to. :nope:

Well, at least I have my memories. :nope:

"Alvin Harrison accepted a four-year ban in 2004 after admitting he used performance-enhancers..."

A four year ban?? Why not a permanent ban for life for being a cheater?

[Dowly]

This' the reason why I dont watch Olympics.

Another one is football (Soccer for you who think that carrying a ball around the field IN YOUR HANDS should be called football), the acting is just ridiculous! Touch someone and the fecka is crying in the ground for mommy! ******* sissies! :nope:

[STEED]

Too bloody right! Poor old jimbuna ran his heart out for the Gold and only got Silver. Your rightly Gold Medal is on its way jim.

[Jimbuna]

Now that you mention it, your wife told me the other day that you were her gold medallist and I was her silver medallist.

When I enquired as to what she meant, she said "It's nice to know someone that comes second for a change" :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

:lol: :up:

[Platapus]

ohhhh thats mean.

Funny

but mean :up:

[STEED]

ohhhh thats mean.

Funny

but mean :up:

Just jims wicked sense of humor, I hear jim & Max Mosley visit the same saucy spanking parlor. :roll:

[Stealth Hunter]

I really don't know what to make of Jim...

Still thinking everything over about him...:hmm: :hmm: :hmm:

[Jimbuna]

I really don't know what to make of Jim...

Still thinking everything over about him...:hmm: :hmm: :hmm:

You take care of yourself young man....we wouldn't want you giving yourself an injury :lol:

I think it's safe to say that STEED and and I both subscribe to a similar humour level.

In Britain (and many other countries I should imagine) the common understanding is 'only give it if your prepared to take it'....apart from 'spanking' of course http://imgcash2.imageshack.us/img232/5066/iconsmackbuttxg5.gif

:lol:

[STEED]

We Brits are the Kings when it comes to humour just a shame the rest of the world dose not understand us. :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol:

[Jimbuna]

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

Funny sense of humour my plumber has. :cool:

[StdDev]

I really don't know what to make of Jim...

Still thinking everything over about him...:hmm: :hmm: :hmm:

Whats there to think about!!??
Join the rest of us... we worship the very people he walks on! :p

[UnderseaLcpl]

You would think U.S. athletes would know better than any that they wouldn't have to resort to cheating if they would just get off their asses and have a montage.

[Sailor Steve]

We Brits are the Kings when it comes to humour just a shame the rest of the world dose not understand us. :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol:
Petruchio: Come, come, you wasp! In faith you are too angry!
Katherina: If I be waspish, best beware my sting!
Petruchio: My remedy then is to pluck it out!
Katherina: Hah! If the fool could find where it lies!
Petruchio: Who knows not where a wasp doth wear his sting? In his tail!
Katherina: In his tongue!
Petruchio: Whose tongue?
Katherina: Yours! -if you talk of tales, and so farewell!
Petruchio: What? With my tongue in your tail?

What's not to understand? From Shakespeare to Monty Python to Red Dwarf to Blackadder, it may be unusual but it's definitely funny.:sunny:

[Dowly]

I love British humour. Simple, yet so effective. :up:

[Platapus]

Do you know how to make an English man laugh on Wednesday?

Tell him a joke on Monday.

<rimshot>

An Englishman is visiting an American friend on his farm and is marveling at how much vegetables the American farmer is growing.

The Englishman asks the American farmer "what do you do with the vegetables you don't eat?

The American, being somewhat of a rum wit, replies "we eat what we can, and what we can't we can."

The Englishman thought this was a wonderful pun and can't wait until he tells this to his friends back in London.

Back home, the Englishman is telling the story to his friends. "I asked my friend what he did with the vegetables he did not eat? You will never guess what he said. This is so funny. My friend told me that 'we eat what we can, what we can't we put up in tins."
:rotfl:

[Jimbuna]

Way ya bloody buggas http://imgcash2.imageshack.us/img134/9742/angry8se2.gif

Knock us Brits when we invented humour http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/6153/uowprofuriousoi0rt6.gif

Where's bloody STEED when ya need a hand http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif

Your response basums http://www.satellites.co.uk/satellite/images/smilies/a115[1].gif

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.

John Cleese http://imgcash4.imageshack.us/img144/3336/tonguecm5.gif

[Marriott]

I read that entire thing, though long, it was quite entertaining. It should also be included that Americans can no longer say "Huh" after every sentence, then it would be complete:D

[STEED]

Where's bloody STEED when ya need a hand http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif



Popped out for some rough shag and a Swift half. :roll:

So the rest of the world is taking a pop at us, take that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx3eH-E6v5E&feature=related

And some of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmxRdx7HMME
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj36uQ0De6I

[Jimbuna]

Where's bloody STEED when ya need a hand http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif



Popped out for some rough shag and a Swift half. :roll:

So the rest of the world is taking a pop at us, take that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx3eH-E6v5E&feature=related

And some of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmxRdx7HMME
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj36uQ0De6I

Cometh the hour...Cometh the man http://imgcash3.imageshack.us/img412/4774/thumbsuplargeon1.gif

[OneToughHerring]

Imagine how bad some of these people want to win a medal? I mean, the steroids they take are often said to have some serious negative effects, and to be the best you gotta take a lot I imagine. Oh well, no sport is clean these days, except maybe darts and possibly chess. :)

[kiwi_2005]

Where's bloody STEED when ya need a hand http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif


Popped out for some rough shag and a Swift half. :roll:


:rotfl::rotfl:

I must remember that saying:up:

Anyways back to the topic, those Chinese swimmers man dont look natural Im talking about the last Olympics the Chinese female swimmers looked like brutes. Pretty suspect they should all be drug tested.

[Platapus]

Oh well, no sport is clean these days, except maybe darts and possibly chess. :)

I used to be way too much into tournament chess when I was a kid. Did not see anyone using steroids or blood doping there. :)

Caffeine sure! Not no steroids. :up:

[Jimbuna]

Where's bloody STEED when ya need a hand http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif


Popped out for some rough shag and a Swift half. :roll:


:rotfl::rotfl:

I must remember that saying:up:

Anyways back to the topic, those Chinese swimmers man dont look natural Im talking about the last Olympics the Chinese female swimmers looked like brutes. Pretty suspect they should all be drug tested.

I agree :up:

It can be rather difficult, testing a dope. ;)