Your most laughable career?

[msalama]

Mine just started and ended today. Sunk on my 1st war patrol at BF16 on Sept. 14, 1939. God knows I've screwed up before, but this one definitely takes the cake :lol:

And yours?

[STEED]

I can not say due to all the accident files went up in smoke. ;)

[Lzs von swe]

Could be the one when I was sunk on the first patrol, East of Scapa, by 1, ONE, lousy Swordfish:oops: :rotfl:

[stew278]

Back when I was playing stock SH3 there were a few careers where I ran aground on Heligoland while sailing out of port. Sunk on the first day of the patrol. I always forgot there was an island out there, good thing we have a name marker on the map now.

[KeptinCranky]

Boldly running my brand spanking new type II into the Kiel minefield because I didn't check the map....Kerfooom :cry:

Sinking the Lutzow, that wasn't so hot either....:oops:

[stabiz]

That would have to be the first (of many) failed attempts in Scapa Flow. I actually think I have single handedly lost more boats in that damned place than were lost in the entire war.

Oh, and the time I tried to sail through Gibraltar and the Der Kanal on the way to Bergen. :rotfl:(GWX of course, dont know how hard it is in vanilla)

[Randomizer]

Accidentally rammed my escort leaving Flensburg and while getting that sorted out an RAF raid started and my U-989 was sunk. All this maybe 1500m from the pier; that kaluen went on to "other duties".

Good Hunting

[Phaedrus]

I had a phenominal first patrol in my IXC not too long ago.

Smashed a convoy for a troop ship, Ceramic ocean liner, medium tanker.
Then bagged two more modern tankers, two medium cargos, followed by a lone ceramic liner trying to run to the Bristol Channel at 14 knots.

My deck gun and remaining torpedoes went towards various single merchants.

Upon my triumphant return I collided with a German merchant about 500 km outside of Lorient in a rainstorm.

My deck watch decided not to notify me and take me out of TC 512.


The way she goes.

[LobsterBoy]

I took a brand new boat out of Kiel and into the canal. The phone rang. When I hung up I looked and the boat had run aground. :damn:

I laughed pretty hard and counted myself lucky that I didn't ruin a longer career because I forgot to push the pause button.

[Salad]

I left Bernard in charge leaving port through the canal on the first day. BIG mistake. The knuckle head ran into the first bridge and all hands (except Bernard and myself) were lost.:oops:

[Sailor Steve]

I'd have to go for the time I was re-doing the Acadamy. I was shooting the deck gun at a merchant from real close when he suddenly exploded, taking me with him.

Never even made it to the 'career'.:rotfl:

[joegrundman]

I was running on the surface between ireland and scotland in rain and poor visibility. I KNEW i should be underwater in such conditions, but i just wanted out of the strait, so i ran at high speed on the surface.

Yup, i encountered a Revenge class BB at 700 yards. i lasted about 10 seconds

EDIT: Sailor steve - i think you are the winning this competition at the moment, and the guy who crashed into the friendly merchant is runner up

[msalama]

LoL guys :lol: Great stories...

[downunder]

Mine would have to be the first time i played Sub vs Sub on multiplayer. Fiquring i would be playing guys who play this all the time, i thought they would be onto me straight away. So i thought ill make it harder for them by selecting flank speed and hard left, Little did i know i was in a fiord and crashed into the cliff and sank. :oops:

[BulSoldier]

What happened to me recently was my first patrol with new career and type VII. On my way out of kionsberg on that damn canal i ran aground because the map is little offplace and there are tide waves every few seconds that either mask the ground or for my horror they pulled out and i saw how my entire boat sit on the ground and the waves washed my (her actually bottom :)) and neither flank ahead neither emergency backwards helped.Just sat there waiting to selfdestruct.

[KeptinCranky]

I thought I'd try and do better.....

Ran into an unescorted King George V and Three-stacker Heavy Cruiser, first patrol with a brand new IXb,

hit it with one eel, thought meh, that won't sink and went to get a coffee while my boat quietly made it's way to eighty meters... when I come back it's no longer on the hydrophone, then when I listen properly I get a stationary contact right up close...

went back to periscope depth, saw her at 500 meters, hit her with 3 more eels, then did the following...

http://home.planet.nl/%7Efourn003/images/thismayseemdumb.jpg

I thought I'd try a boarding action, where their guns couldn't reach me...:arrgh!:

that worked out well, except for Bernard not shutting down the engine....:o

http://home.planet.nl/%7Efourn003/images/kerbladda.jpg

amazingly, that didn't kill me.... instantly..., the pressure at 174 meters did though

Do I get a cooky? :D

[Jimbuna]

tell em the truth Pinnochio http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/7222/liarrv1.gif

Tell em what you were really hunting for http://imgcash3.imageshack.us/img524/1262/pinocchioij9.gif


http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/7975/gigglebigtb9fg3.gif

[Blacklight]

I have a couple careers that went Bernard on me.

The most embarassing was when I was driving out of Wilhelmshaven. I spoted the Tirpitz docked there so I decided to steer over for a closer look and to take some snapshots of my Uboat next to it. Then the phone rang. I left Bernard in charge and answered the phone. The conversation lasted longer than I expected and when I returned, I got back just in time to see my Uboat plow right into the Tirpitz. After that embarrasing fiasco, as we were leaving the harbor, we got too close to the sub net. *BANG !!* All hands lost except me and Bernard.

[KeptinCranky]

Meh, OK, I was hunting for Jimbuna's Q-ships, those had blown me out of the water earlier too :shifty:

I do think taunting a battleship like that is serious hubris though :cool:

[Randall Flagg]

my first career was the biggest disastor so far, i never left port crashed against an ally ship.

:(:(

[msalama]

Yah guys, great stories all around :lol:

My shortest patrol ever lasted all of five minutes or so. Here's what happened:

We're starting out docked at Kiel, and I'm in the command room plotting our course. I draw a couple of waypoints to get us going down the channel, and the guys then promptly steer the boat out at 10kts. Just as I'm contemplating the mission ahead with deeply burrowed brows - you know, thinking about the dangers and inconveniences waiting for us on the high seas - I hear a godawful crash and some loud bangs, and a deckhand yelling "Sir! The boat is taking damage!"

Well, turns out that our beloved helmsman Bernard had driven the boat into a dock wall at flank speed. The man is cleaning toilets from now on, I'm telling ya!

But what a perfect slapstick event still: I'm down there sombrely thinking of our second dangerous voyage to final destinations yet unknown... and the moment is interrupted by my crew ramming the boat into a dock wall. Oh the drama indeed... and the band, needless to say, just kept on playing of course :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[kiwi_2005]

More a laughable patrol, not long after the game came out i came back from a patrol thinking i did quite well for sinking 7 ships only to find out when i looked at the results i had sunk 7 friendlies...:o :88)

[UnderseaLcpl]

Departed Wilhelmshaven, went to the loo because getting out of port sucks and takes forever. Came back just in time to be rammed by the escort ship (whatever class it is) then CTD when I try to start a new career. Double-whammy!

edit; OMFG now I have this stupid medic avatar. I look like a space man from a bad 50's B-movie.

[BettingUrlife]

My most laughable career was not really laughable, just kind of stupid. On my very first patrol, first time out of harbour with my very clumsy fingers I accidently hit hard starboard after my wife called out to me for something. While I was talking to her, I didn't notice the concrete wall rapidly approaching ... ending with the destruction of my boat and its crew :damn:

[Hartmann]

Sailing out of lorient i collided with the U-boat pen, perhaps the pilot was drunk :nope:


In my first patrol with sh3 ... i was firing my deck gun to a little merchant at night in the britis channel when i noticied a search light very close to me, i ordered crash dive but the destroyer was so near that he miss my tail only by a few meters.

the deph charges caused severe damage and killed one crew member.

http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/1494/sh3img112006205910296bmyj5.jpg

[_Seth_]

...an RAF raid started and my U-989 was sunk. All this maybe 1500m from the pier; that kaluen went on to "other duties"....

Also happened to me... Just left the subpen, then the bombs started falling around me..Bernard (on watch duty) had his new target cap on, that his old aunt Brünhilda in Bremen had sent him for his birthday.
(Here's a pic of her from the birthday-party:)
http://brainlessworld.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/fat_lady.jpg
(And yes, that's NOT a candle, it's a stick of dynamite..:88) )

Bernards cap with the big red target on top made the brit's bomb run an easy task... So, my steel cigar and all hands went to the bottom...:shifty:

Quoting Bernard Murphy's law;
"...if anything can go wrong, it will, and it will be my fault, no doubt...":doh: :doh:

[Ivan Putski]

Seth you seadog, I always wondered where my ex went, that was actually taken during her last diet. Has she showed you the Iron Cross tatoo I got her.:D

[_Seth_]

Seth you seadog, I always wondered where my ex went, that was actually taken during her last diet. Has she showed you the Iron Cross tatoo I got her.:D :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Actually, she showed it to me....*I'm not gonna say where it is placed, but i can say that you have to look closely and use your periscope wisely..:p ..You might want to get the "Playboy recognition manual" to ID the target properly..*

[Jimbuna]

Seth you seadog, I always wondered where my ex went, that was actually taken during her last diet. Has she showed you the Iron Cross tatoo I got her.:D :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Actually, she showed it to me....*I'm not gonna say where it is placed, but i can say that you have to look closely and use your periscope wisely..:p ..You might want to get the "Playboy recognition manual" to ID the target properly..*

LMAO :rotfl:

[STEED]

http://brainlessworld.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/fat_lady.jpg


BLOODY HELL SETH I'M HAVING WHAT WAS A LATE LUNCH HERE. :stare: :hulk:

[rifleman13]

http://brainlessworld.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/fat_lady.jpg

That's what I call a 100k ton BATTLESHIP!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[Biggles]

In my first career...I didn't get out of Kiel. Too long ago to remember the details, but it wasn't pretty...

[rifleman13]

The funniest thing, eh?:rotfl:

The first time I played SH3, I decided to skip the Naval Academy and proceed straight to the Campaign.:arrgh!:

I wasn't accustomed to the long load times (stock 1.3). When I finally reached my sub, I wasn't sure what to do, so I pressed various keys on my keyboard. When I looked to external view, the band was playing and inside the sub, TOTAL CHAOS!

Everything was falling apart! But the band played on...:doh:

As expected, I saw the "u-boat screen of death" and I saw my sister was watching me play SH3 over my shoulder... very embarassing!:oops:

So, I created a new rule: Don't skip the tutorials!:dead:
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[sharkbit]

http://brainlessworld.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/fat_lady.jpg

That's what I call a 100k ton BATTLESHIP!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

More like a shipping hazard. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[msalama]

Wow :o I just wonder what exactly _did_ Bon Scott have to endure before writing Whole Lotta Rosie :lol:

And oh, BTW, I almost screwed up another career today. I was hunting this convoy, and neither me nor my crew noticed a Storozhevoy coming in at flank speed until the buggeress was all over us! We crash-dived but she succeeded in DCing us quite accurately, which of course then resulted in us getting some very inconvenient and TOTALLY unproductive and uncool damage to our boat :o We did escape, however, but for a moment it definitely felt like she was Rosie and we were Bon Scott :lol:

Still, no matter. We escaped and even succeeded in sinking a tanker off that convoy later on :yep:

After reporting to BDU they replied that the first drink's on them (no really), so all's well that ends well I'd imagine :up:

S!

[_Seth_]

The funniest thing, eh?:rotfl:

The first time I played SH3, I decided to skip the Naval Academy and proceed straight to the Campaign.:arrgh!:

I wasn't accustomed to the long load times (stock 1.3). When I finally reached my sub, I wasn't sure what to do, so I pressed various keys on my keyboard. When I looked to external view, the band was playing and inside the sub, TOTAL CHAOS!

Everything was falling apart! But the band played on...:doh:

As expected, I saw the "u-boat screen of death" and I saw my sister was watching me play SH3 over my shoulder... very embarassing!:oops:

So, I created a new rule: Don't skip the tutorials!:dead:
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl: Hey, thats how Bernard was introduced to the Kriegsmarine! It also happend like that!

*I know that one, mate...btw; i never read assembling manuals when bying new stuff, causing me a lot of trouble...and i'll never learn..*

[Sag75]

year 1944.... near the Channel........

-DD in attack run, sir!
-get ready to launch the TV torpedo!!
-open tube 3, rudder a midship,..... LAUNCH!
-torpedo in the water, sir!

......the acustic torpedo didn't hit the DD, so i turned on my right at flank speed to avoid the DD route. I did... BUT the torpedo was still following the DD on its back... IT CHOSE MY PROPELLERS NOISE AND HIT ME!!!!! :up: :know: :arrgh!: :rock:

[Lzs von swe]

Just remembered another one:yep:
Going through the Kiel canal at 10 knots in 300-400m visibility we almost crashed into an small tanker that had drifted into the middle of the canal. After doing an perfect left, right, right, left maneuver past it, cursing her captain, I ordered back to course and returned to my coffee.
The next moment the boat crashed into the left bank and that was the end of a glorious career, boat lost:dead:

The crew tried to do an 180 to get back to the way point we passed in the process. Did not think of that, my fault:oops:

[HunterICX]

''Gone in 60-seconds''

Discovering the wonderfull feature -Waypoints-

FULL AHEAD!

-
-
-
BANG-KLANG-SCRATCH-WE've FLOODING SIR!, UBOAT DAMAGED SIR!' WE'RE TAKING DAMAGE! KEBLANG!.....*blub*

:damn: I set the waypoint directly to my assigned grid ramming my IXD right into the concrete wall of the docks, thinking the Uboatcrew will sail the boat without my need ....nope, I then learned you had to put waypoint to waypoint drawing a nice route towards your grid.

@Seth, dont-ever-post-that-again!

HunterICX

[msalama]

ROTFL Hunter :lol:

Yep, exactly what happened to me too (re: my 1st post on this page), although I of course blamed Bernard :arrgh!:

[Gezoes]

There I was, all gung-ho and ready for 1944. Huddled in my French sub-pen, I was gloating at this nice bunker while airial mayhem went on outside :smug:

After it had quieted down a bit, I went on my merry way... suddenly a DD next to me opens fire, shoots down a RAF bomber, wich proceeds to smash my bridge to smithereens :huh: :rotfl:

[mcf1]

GWX 2.1 in peacetime while in patrol I accidentally beached my uboot :damn:
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[robbierob2005]

I once entered a french port. I made some repairs on my ship and by the time I was ready to leave port again, it was no longer under german command.
The port had become red and every ship in it became hostile. Also a subnet appeard.
I immediately went to periscope depth and was trying to leave port.
I didn't got very far. That was the end of my carreer :-(.

[Jimbuna]

Bloody French....never could make up their minds which side they were on.

Just be grateful you weren't in the Med. :lol: