A hillbilly joke.

[Tango589]

Hillbilly Birth

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be
a lantern and said, 'Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am
doing!'

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. 'Whoa there', said the
doctor, 'Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think
theres another one coming.' Sure enough, within m inutes he had
delivered a baby girl. 'Hold that lantern up, don't set it down
there's another one!' Said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby 'No, don't be in
a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems theres yet another one
coming!' cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the
doctor, .. . . . . 'You reckon it might be the light that's attractin'
'em?'

[Safe-Keeper]

:rotfl:

Everyone sing along... "Sweet home Alabama..."

[rifleman13]

:rotfl:

Everyone sing along... "Sweet home Alabama..."

...Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I'm coming home to you
Here I come Alabama!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[Ducimus]

I have to say upfront a southerner i worked with told me this joke while i was stationed in Mississippi.

Heres the short version, its a reference to the sterotypical southerners family tree:

Young man goes to his father and announces he's getting married. He tells his father about his bride to be, and that It'll be a white wedding as she's still a virgin. To which his father replies, "Boy whats wrong with you! If she ain't good enough for her family, what makes you think she's good enough for ours?!?!"

[Yahoshua]

that just sent shivers down my spine......

[bookworm_020]

That's so wrong on so many levels:nope:

[Sailor Steve]

Don't listen to 'em, Dumicus; that family tree joke is a corker!

Bro: "You don't kiss near as good as mom!"

Sis: "That's what dad says, too!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vern and Luke are passing each other on a bridge, when Vern notices the bag Luke is carrying is squirming.

Vern: "Watchya got in the bag, Luke?"

Luke: "Some piglets!"

Vern: "How many?"

Luke: "If you guess right, I'll let ya have both of 'em."

Vern: "Five?"

[d@rk51d3]

Well.........????


Was it five? :D

[Tango589]

Ducimus, that joke is just......bleuugghh.

:rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

Well.........????


Was it five? :D
No, y'idjit! It was three!

[Ducimus]

Mississippi reading test (also told to me by a southerner).

Read the following and recite what it says.

MR PIGS
ONOA AINT
OSAR MR PIGS




As for the previous joke, well.. it was told to me, not like i made it up on my own. Im not that creative. :rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

Mississippi reading test (also told to me by a southerner).

Read the following and recite what it says.

MR PIGS
ONOA AINT
OSAR MR PIGS




As for the previous joke, well.. it was told to me, not like i made it up on my own. Im not that creative. :rotfl:
When I was little, it was:

ABCD puppies
LMNO puppies
OSAR
CMP?

[Tango589]

Mississippi reading test (also told to me by a southerner).

Read the following and recite what it says.

MR PIGS
ONOA AINT
OSAR MR PIGS




As for the previous joke, well.. it was told to me, not like i made it up on my own. Im not that creative. :rotfl:
When I was little, it was:

ABCD puppies
LMNO puppies
OSAR
CMP?

I'm probably missing something really obvious, but I don't get either of those reading tests....:huh:

[Ducimus]

If you pass or fail depends on how you phonetically read it:

MR PIGS
ONOA AINT
OSAR MR PIGS

Theres two ways.


Way No 1:
The way the educated person would read it, and read out.

"Mr. Pigs.
onoah aint.
Osar Mr. Pigs"

Which would be followed by a quizzical look for reading such gibberish. This person would fail this test.

Way no 2:
THe southern hilll billy approach with a thick southern accent.

Them are pigs
Oh no they aint
Oh yes they are, Them are pigs

[FIREWALL]

I'm bettin there were 6 pigs in that sack. :know:

[Sailor Steve]

DANG! How'd y'all do that so quick, Farwall? You gets all muh money!


I'm probably missing something really obvious, but I don't get either of those reading tests....:huh:
ABCD puppies
(Hey, Bee, see the puppies?)

LMNO puppies
(Hell, them ain't no puppies!)

OSAR
(Oh yes they are!)

CMP?
(See 'em pee?)

[Yahoshua]

A Southern virgin is a girl who can outrun all 5 of her brothers......

[Tango589]

Ducimus and Sailor Steve, thanks for the explanation. I was missing the Deep Southern drawl and the 3"-wide gene pool!

[d@rk51d3]

I also remember one, not about puppies, but rather goldfish.

...............

CM MR GOLDFISH

MRNO GOLDFISH

MR GOLDFISH, CDBDI's

OR MR GOLDFISH

:roll: