Pearl Harbor - Mystery Science Theater Style!

[Subnuts]

Two silly Australian guys sit down, watch Pearl Harbor, and tear into it for the entire three hour duration, starting here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4nwZSxMtvtI

Due to YouTube's restrictions, they've divided it into 18 parts. It's not entirely hilarious, but they do a great job pointing out how ridiculous the entire movie is. I've never actually seen it before, but Christ, even the attack scene, the part everyone raves over, was completely ridiculous. Let's tally up some of the inanity in that sequence, shall we?

The Japanese doing an airshow flyby of the base before actually bombing it.
The fact that all of the explosions are so explosively explosive that even the explosions seem to explode.
The Arizona blows up two minutes into the attack, and is basically treated as some kind of joke (durrr! that cook won't finish peeling his potatoes now!:roll:)
Oh, and when the Oklahoma capsizes, it lifts itself out of the water, rears up by the stern at a 30 degree angle, and manages to roll completely over, in 40 FEET OF WATER!
The Japanese planes zipping between the American ships like X-wing fighters in the Death Star trench.
The row of Spruance-class destroyers that gets blown up at least three times.
Actually, I also noticed an Ohio-class BB, a Knox FF, and at least one modernish LST in the harbor as well.
Cuba Gooding Jr. raining a merciless hail of bullets on the hapless sailors on the ship next to him.
The Japanese task force is composed mostly of modern American warships, and is clumped together in a group maybe a mile across.
Josh and Ben manage to destroy a bunch of Zeros in their P-40s a in turning fight. And the Japanese have at least 10 opportunities to kill these guys, but keep missing by inches every time they have a clear shot. Oh, and both side's planes seem to have 50,000 rounds of machine gun ammunition. Yeah, right.
There's absolutely no blood, and when they finally show the hospital scene, the camera lens is covered with enough vaseline to ram it through Gibraltar. Bomb victims just get tossed through the air like ragdolls.I could go on for ages, but give this video a shot. It might make you laugh your ass off. Or not. Who knows. They've also given the same treatment to Titanic, but it's not quite as funny.

[nikimcbee]

1. There's no Crow or Tom Servo!:nope:
2. I'm not falling for this trick to actually watch Pearl Harbor a second time.:dead:


I did manage to find part 10/18 is when the bomb hits the Arizona.

[mrbeast]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Jimbuna]

So is it not as realistic as U-571 was http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif

[Etienne]

I especially loved the bomb falling straight down. And the whole thing on the side of the liner.

Seriously... What the hell?

[Sailor Steve]

Yep, Oklahoma turns completely upside down. And then the rescue team up on top of the keel manages to cut a section loose just in time for a drowning victim's arm to come out of the hole, along with a whole bunch of the water they drowned in...and all this takes place thirty feet above the new waterline!

[Jimbuna]

I'm sure I once read on a forum that in one scene over the harbour you can actually see a helicopter and a vapour trail off a high altitude jet plane.

[Etienne]

I'm sure I once read on a forum that in one scene over the harbour you can actually see a helicopter and a vapour trail off a high altitude jet plane.

The harbor's full of DDG. Trust me, no one's looking for a tiny helicopter :-D

[Nokia]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[XabbaRus]

That is brilliant.

[Dowly]

I'm sure I once read on a forum that in one scene over the harbour you can actually see a helicopter and a vapour trail off a high altitude jet plane.

The Japanese "guncamera view" scenes when they strafe the harbor are shot from helicopter. ;)

[Jimbuna]

I'm sure I once read on a forum that in one scene over the harbour you can actually see a helicopter and a vapour trail off a high altitude jet plane.

The Japanese "guncamera view" scenes when they strafe the harbor are shot from helicopter. ;)

That's right, it was a film crew :yep:

[Subnuts]

I'm sure I once read on a forum that in one scene over the harbour you can actually see a helicopter and a vapour trail off a high altitude jet plane.
The Japanese "guncamera view" scenes when they strafe the harbor are shot from helicopter. ;)

They even joke about how the Zero's machine guns in that shot appear to be jutting out about 15 feet, as if they'd gotten a hardon from all that death and destruction! :rotfl:

Oh, and did anyone else notice Josh 'n Ben's convertible outrunning the five Zeroes chasing them? :roll:

[Subnuts]

Starting with part 9/18, let's play "spot the modern warship!"

http://i32.tinypic.com/33c6u11.jpg

http://i25.tinypic.com/8vop4l.jpg

http://i29.tinypic.com/ri96aa.jpg

http://i27.tinypic.com/26vxx.jpg

http://i26.tinypic.com/11rqhbt.jpg

http://i26.tinypic.com/280mhkz.jpg

http://i30.tinypic.com/2mhealk.jpg

http://i28.tinypic.com/2sbtkq9.jpg

http://i29.tinypic.com/2ewcjd0.jpg

http://i26.tinypic.com/2r24pc6.jpg

Ah, screw it. I give up.

[Fincuan]

Isn't that the stern of a nucear sub on the left side of the screen in part 16 @ 3:01? :lol:

[silentrunner]

Lets just make this the official Pearl Harbor sucked thread

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCmnwZVtyk

[nikimcbee]

Lets just make this the official Pearl Harbor sucked thread

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCmnwZVtyk

That is funny!

[Sailor Steve]

Lets just make this the official Pearl Harbor sucked thread

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCmnwZVtyk

That is funny!
:rotfl:

Thanks for sharing that...but I looked around and I like this one better. Well, at least the ending.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvIMZPUApJg&feature=related

[Stealth Hunter]

I used to know these guys... no really. I had them on my friends list until my account was removed due to "copyright infringement". A two-second clip of Family Guy is NOT copyright infringement...

[XabbaRus]

What is the deal with that. It's a whole movie and no trouble?

The best review I saw was "First half fo Titanic meets the last half of Tora Tora Tora."

:lol:

Someone needs to do an update of Midway.

[Stealth Hunter]

Steven Spielberg. That's who needs to direct a new Midway. It wasn't that bad of a film. Had a lot of good and vintage footage from actual dogfights during the war in the Pacific Theatre. Maybe a 6.5 or a 7/10.

I think that someone needs to make a film about the Wilhelm Gustloff's sinking. It's political, has huge potential levels, and would possibly make Titanic look like a finch to a... tropical parrot...?

[TarJak]

At least Tora Tora Tora had some basis in historical fact despite it's many flaws.

[Jimbuna]

Steven Spielberg. That's who needs to direct a new Midway. It wasn't that bad of a film. Had a lot of good and vintage footage from actual dogfights during the war in the Pacific Theatre. Maybe a 6.5 or a 7/10.

I think that someone needs to make a film about the Wilhelm Gustloff's sinking. It's political, has huge potential levels, and would possibly make Titanic look like a finch to a... tropical parrot...?

I should imagine that would be viewed as offensive to the Russian Government.

Not that I'm disagreeing personally mind you http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif

[XabbaRus]

The Midway film had many inaccuracies especially with the footage though I guess they had to make do with what they had at the time. With modern CGi they could do it just right.

I liked Tora Tora Tora, though could someone detail the flaws in it.

[AG124]

One of my many little nitpicks about that movie that I didn't see mentioned here - the scene during the attack in which a BB's tripod most falls completely over sideways. I don't recall that happening in RL...:hmm: The forward tripod on the Arizona did fall over forwards as her bridge collapsed (although not completely).

Yes, the movie did actually suck very badly, but I think the other comments on this thread have more than accurately conveyed that point by now.:p

[mapuc]

Guys, it's Hollywood, what else did you expect!?

110% accurate historical authenthic movies?

FORGET IT those kind of movies woldn't sell


Markus

[Stealth Hunter]

Steven Spielberg. That's who needs to direct a new Midway. It wasn't that bad of a film. Had a lot of good and vintage footage from actual dogfights during the war in the Pacific Theatre. Maybe a 6.5 or a 7/10.

I think that someone needs to make a film about the Wilhelm Gustloff's sinking. It's political, has huge potential levels, and would possibly make Titanic look like a finch to a... tropical parrot...?

I should imagine that would be viewed as offensive to the Russian Government.

Not that I'm disagreeing personally mind you http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif

The Russians complain about everything. You know they're still on the ass end of the relatives of Erich Hartmann? They threaten them to this day that they'll kidnap them and that they'll murder them, although in 1997 they cleared Hartmann of any remaining charges and said his imprisonment was unlawful... 4 years after his death.

[CaptHawkeye]

Sorry Mr. Bay, West Virginia looks nothing like Iowa. Not even remotely alike.

[VipertheSniper]

Steven Spielberg. That's who needs to direct a new Midway. It wasn't that bad of a film. Had a lot of good and vintage footage from actual dogfights during the war in the Pacific Theatre. Maybe a 6.5 or a 7/10.

I think that someone needs to make a film about the Wilhelm Gustloff's sinking. It's political, has huge potential levels, and would possibly make Titanic look like a finch to a... tropical parrot...?

I should imagine that would be viewed as offensive to the Russian Government.

Not that I'm disagreeing personally mind you http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif


There was a movie in 2 parts about the Gustloff just 2 weeks ago on German and Austrian TV, I haven't seen it tho, but from what I've read it wasn't such a good movie (surely better than Pearl Harbor tho)

[Jimbuna]

Steven Spielberg. That's who needs to direct a new Midway. It wasn't that bad of a film. Had a lot of good and vintage footage from actual dogfights during the war in the Pacific Theatre. Maybe a 6.5 or a 7/10.

I think that someone needs to make a film about the Wilhelm Gustloff's sinking. It's political, has huge potential levels, and would possibly make Titanic look like a finch to a... tropical parrot...?

I should imagine that would be viewed as offensive to the Russian Government.

Not that I'm disagreeing personally mind you http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1817/thinkbigsw1yo4.gif


There was a movie in 2 parts about the Gustloff just 2 weeks ago on German and Austrian TV, I haven't seen it tho, but from what I've read it wasn't such a good movie (surely better than Pearl Harbor tho)

Anything and everything was better than Pearl Harbour :p

[Hylander_1314]

Yep, and Flyboys was another Hollywood goes Marvel Comics. Really, even my daughter who was 10 or 11 at the time they released Pearl Harbor, ripped on it at the movie theater. All I did was smile, that's my girl.

[V.C. Sniper]

This movie is an insult.

[TarJak]

The Midway film had many inaccuracies especially with the footage though I guess they had to make do with what they had at the time. With modern CGi they could do it just right.

I liked Tora Tora Tora, though could someone detail the flaws in it.I liked it too and I think it was well made and at leaste didn't stray into the murky depths that Pearl Harbour did. There are 18 flaws listed here: http://www.moviemistakes.com/film1314

Pearl Harbour has 156 flaws: http://www.moviemistakes.com/film964

Hmmm does that mean movie making was better in 1970 than it was in 2001?:hmm:

[Hylander_1314]

One has to remember also that back when Tora Tora Tora, and Midway, The Battle of Britain, and the Blue Max were made, there was no CG. They had to scrounge whatever planes they could for filming. The Battle of Britain was the best repesented as far as planes went, even though there were no JU-88s, or Do-17s in flying condition for them to use, so the only real flying bombers were the He-111s but they were Spanish built versions as were the Me-109s. Also not all the Spitrires and and Hurricanes were MkI or MkII versions either, but you had to work with what you had in those days. The scenes where the Spitfires of 54 Squadron intercept the Ju-87 Stukas were filmed mostly with R/C Ju-87s. The exception being the scene where a plywood mockup of a Stuka crashes into the radar hut. It was launched from a rail. But even those R/C models were huge. From wingtip to wingtip they measured around 6 feet. Which makes them close to 1/4 scale models. So the model engines could be completely hidden in the fuselage.

Same with Tora Tora Tora, and Midway. How many original Japanese planes were left in flying condition in those days, none. Even the American P-40s and B-17s were all later war variants as there were no early models available to film, and there were no P-36 Hawks around either, (the radial engine variant of the P-40). So with all things considered, I think it's safe to say that Hollywood and European film makers did a better job for the most part before computers muddled things up, and more emphasis is now put on movie eye-candy as opposed to a good story.

Now for an exception, one can say that Dark Blue World is a well done film about the Battle of Britain that's not too old. But it's considered more obscure as it deals with the Czechs who flew in the Battle of Britain. The story is good, and it has good action too.

I'm hoping that the European made film The Red Baron comes to America. It looks like it's been done quite well, with great mockup planes, including Albatros fighters, SPADs, Sopwiths, Se-5s, and Fokker Triplanes. The clips I've seen of the fighting over the trenches is very intense, and confused as it most likely got when large formations of planes got tangled with each other. But that has to do with good CG work, as it would cost a fortune to build 100+ planes for a movie, that would most likely rot after filming was done.

[Etienne]

Guys, it's Hollywood, what else did you expect!?

110% accurate historical authenthic movies?

FORGET IT those kind of movies woldn't sell

I completly understand. However, Pearl Harbors, even if it had been based on fictionnal events, SUCKS. Big time.

Seriously, even without considering the historical innacuracies, the movies a stupid cheesefest of film.