Army ranks explained...

[AntEater]

The General He jumps over tall buildings, is stronger than a locomotive, faster than a bullet, can walk on water and talks to god.

The Colonel He jumps over smaller buildings, is stronger than a toy locomotive, almost as fast as a bullet, can walk on water in calm seas and sometimes talks to god.

The Lt. Colonel: He jumps over small buildings in favorable wind conditions and with lots of run up, is almost as strong as a toy locomotive, convincincly claims to be quite fast, can balance on water in a public swimming pool and can talk to god after a written request.

The Major: He can barely jump over a doghouse, asseses himself as quite strong, can fire a gun pretty fast, can sometimes swim pretty well and is occasionally adressed by god.

The Captain: He makes big leaps instead of jumping over houses, gets run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without hurting himself, can stay afloat in water and talks to animals.

The 1st Lieutenant: He runs against buildings, is sometimes able to recognize a locomotive, is not supplied with ammunittion for safety reasons, can stay afloat after precise instructions and talks to water.

The 2nd Lieutenant: He stumbles over the doorstep while entering a building and thinks its a railway, can handle a water pistol and talks to himself.

(added by a sergeant, I suppose)

The Sergeant: He effortlessly lifts every building and walks underneath it, pushes locomotives off their tracts, catches bullets with his teeth and freezes water with his gaze. He is god.

(German joke translated by me)

[jumpy]

Read that before in one of Spike Milligans memoirs, funny though :lol:

[Jimbuna]

Read that before in one of Spike Milligans memoirs, funny though :lol:

That's it!!....I knew I'd seen it somewhere http://imgcash3.imageshack.us/img240/4669/slapheadrc6.gif

[Takao]

Yeah, it's all over the internet. IIRC, it started in the military and moved to the civilian sector. I have seen it used for police, firemen, business executives, computer programmers, etc. Google The Image of Rank and see what you get.

My personal favorite is:

The Image of Rank

General

Leaps over tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than an locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.

Colonel

Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, and talks to God.

Lieutenant Colonel

Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a B. B., walks on water in an outdoor pool, and talks to God if a special request is approved.

Major

Barely clears Quonset huts, loses tugs of war with locomotives, can fire a speeidng bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God.

Captain

Makes high marks when trying to leap short buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury, can dog-paddle, and talks to animals.

First Lieutenant

Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.

Second Lieutenant

Falls over doorsills when trying to enter buildings, says "look at the choo-choo", wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself all the time. NCO

Lifts buildings and then walks under them, kicks locomotives off the track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them, and freezes water with a single glance. He is God!

Junior Enlisted

Sneaks through the barracks, catches a ride on a train called the Silver Bullet, uses water only as a chaser, and when seeing one of the above, he uses God's name.

[Venatore]

The new Ensign was assigned to a U-boat, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.

He was trying to impress the XO with his expertise learned at U-boat school.

The XO cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch." :doh:

[Sailor Steve]

Yep. Heard it in the navy 38 years ago; of course with navy ranks ending with the chief.