In the barber shop.....

[SUBMAN1]

G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave.

Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."

The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"

Bush replied, "Go ahead; my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

[Tango589]

ROFLOL
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Oberon]

:rotfl:

Heard that one with an Air General and an Army General instead of Bill and George. :lol:

[Letum]

Very impolite.
You should be ashamed to insult someone like that, what ever your political differences.

It would have been a funny joke if it wasn't for the names and insults.

[RickC Sniper]

Lighten up. It was FUNNY !

:up:

[SUBMAN1]

Lighten up. It was FUNNY !

:up:Exactly - it was hallarious! :D

-S

[Brag]

Lighten up. It was FUNNY !

:up:Exactly - it was hallarious! :D

-S

I vote for funny :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Letum]

It is funny, but it could have been just as funny with, say an Air General and an Army
General.

Instead it has been twisted to insult real people.
It leaves a bitter taste.

[SUBMAN1]

It is funny, but it could have been just as funny with, say an Air General and an Army
General.

Instead it has been twisted to insult real people.
It leaves a bitter taste.Like anyone with half a brain cares about the person it is twisting up and insulting! That makes it all the better! :D :rotfl:It wouldn't be half as funny with your idea of an Air Marshall or whatever!

-S

[FIREWALL]

It is funny, but it could have been just as funny with, say an Air General and an Army
General.

Instead it has been twisted to insult real people.
It leaves a bitter taste.


Get a Life. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[StdDev]

I'll decide.. yeah its funny!
And sometimes you dont have to use names
...
Life's a bitch... dont vote for one!

[Platapus]

:rotfl:

Heard that one with an Air General and an Army General instead of Bill and George. :lol:

This is one of the many corny jokes that people pull out and insert their names of choice.

I think the first recorded instance was King Ferdinand and Christopher Columbus :rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

It is funny, but it could have been just as funny with, say an Air General and an Army
General.

Instead it has been twisted to insult real people.
It leaves a bitter taste.Like anyone with half a brain cares about the person it is twisting up and insulting! That makes it all the better! :D :rotfl:It wouldn't be half as funny with your idea of an Air Marshall or whatever!

-S
Okay Subman, this is all your fault:

When Bush first became president, Clinton of course gave him the pre-change tour of the oval office. Later at dinner Laura was talking to Hillary: "George told me how wonderful the office is; he says they even have a gold urinal in the bathroom."

That night in bed, Hillary says to Bill, "Honey, I think I figured out who peed in your saxophone."

[sonar732]

It is funny, but it could have been just as funny with, say an Air General and an Army
General.

Instead it has been twisted to insult real people.
It leaves a bitter taste.Like anyone with half a brain cares about the person it is twisting up and insulting! That makes it all the better! :D :rotfl:It wouldn't be half as funny with your idea of an Air Marshall or whatever!

-S Okay Subman, this is all your fault:

When Bush first became president, Clinton of course gave him the pre-change tour of the oval office. Later at dinner Laura was talking to Hillary: "George told me how wonderful the office is; he says they even have a gold urinal in the bathroom."

That night in bed, Hillary says to Bill, "Honey, I think I figured out who peed in your saxophone."

I like your joke better Sailor Steve....nothing personal Subman.

[Platapus]

Good one Sailor Steve :up:

Here is a politically neutral White House joke.

One February morning, the President looks out of the oval office and see, written in urine, in the snow, “you suck”

Well, the President calls in the Secret Service and the FBI and demands an investigation.

A few days later, the head of the FBI enters the oval office.

“Mr. President, we have completed our investigation and we have some good news and some bad news”

“OK, what’s the good news”

“Mr. President, the good news is that we have chemically analyzed the urine and it is traced back to the Vice President.”

“That’s the good news? What is the bad news?”

“Mr. President, It was your wife’s handwriting”

rimshot :roll:

[SUBMAN1]

Okay Subman, this is all your fault:

When Bush first became president, Clinton of course gave him the pre-change tour of the oval office. Later at dinner Laura was talking to Hillary: "George told me how wonderful the office is; he says they even have a gold urinal in the bathroom."

That night in bed, Hillary says to Bill, "Honey, I think I figured out who peed in your saxophone."Woo hoo! Good for GW! :up:

-S

[SUBMAN1]

:rotfl:

Heard that one with an Air General and an Army General instead of Bill and George. :lol:
This is one of the many corny jokes that people pull out and insert their names of choice.

I think the first recorded instance was King Ferdinand and Christopher Columbus :rotfl:Its not as funny if their wasn't a sex scandal with one of those two. :dead:

-S

[Rotary Crewman]

Very impolite.
You should be ashamed to insult someone like that, what ever your political differences.

It would have been a funny joke if it wasn't for the names and insults.

:huh:

Really? You're joking, right?

[Tchocky]

Didn't find it that funny. Seemed to throw politics in front of the humour train, resulting in delayed laughter and many giggles missing their connections entirely.

http://media.miaminewtimes.com/44176.51.jpeg

That said, people can say what they like. So yay life, love, and the pursuit of stray geese.

[Letum]

Very impolite.
You should be ashamed to insult someone like that, what ever your political differences.

It would have been a funny joke if it wasn't for the names and insults.
:huh:

Really? You're joking, right?


No, I'm not.
It's nothing short of malicious. No innocent person should be treated like that.

I would not approve of someone making such an offensive joke to someones face and I don't approve of it in obscure anonymity either.

[Rotary Crewman]

Blimey, I am honestly shocked you feel that strongly about a joke.

Remember, it is a joke.

[Letum]

Blimey, I am honestly shocked you feel that strongly about a joke.

Remember, it is a joke.Wouldn't you feel strongly if it where about you?

Anyhow, I don't feel "strongly" perse. I am too cynical not to be more than a little apathetic about this.

[Rotary Crewman]

Is it true then? If not, well...

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/03_03/laurenBBC0104_468x332.jpg

Face, bovvered!

[SUBMAN1]

Blimey, I am honestly shocked you feel that strongly about a joke.

Remember, it is a joke.Wouldn't you feel strongly if it where about you?

Anyhow, I don't feel "strongly" perse. I am too cynical not to be more than a little apathetic about this.:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Sounds like Letum has a secret crush on Hitlery! Too funny! Any other person or president, he'd be all over it! :D

-S

[Letum]

Blimey, I am honestly shocked you feel that strongly about a joke.

Remember, it is a joke.Wouldn't you feel strongly if it where about you?

Anyhow, I don't feel "strongly" perse. I am too cynical not to be more than a little apathetic about this.:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Sounds like Letum has a secret crush on Hitlery! Too funny! Any other person or president, he'd be all over it! :D

-S


Actualy I must profess almost total ignorance about her. :doh:

[SUBMAN1]

Actualy I must profess almost total ignorance about her. :doh:A likely story since any other president or candidate, or even the U.S. for that matter you seem to have no problem trashing. Somehow, I don't believe you, or she is your wish for presidency in some for or fasion.

No biggie, but I also hope she wins the nomination. Her nomination means that its a 100% chance win for McCain. Obama, I am not so sure about. Its neck and neck with him. Any liberal Socialist is a lose / lose situation for personal freedom in my country, so you can see my animosity towards that idea.

-S

[Sailor Steve]

Woo hoo! Good for GW! :up:

-S
Really? I took it for George being obtuse, not sneaky.
I guess it depends on your predilictions. Me, I have none; I make fun of everybody.

[Letum]

Actualy I must profess almost total ignorance about her. :doh:A likely story since any other president or candidate, or even the U.S. for that matter you seem to have no problem trashing. Somehow, I don't believe you, or she is your wish for presidency in some for or fasion.


What?! Where did that come from?

I honestly don't know a thing about her outside the BBC coverage.
I would be at a total loss to explain the American voting system.

I don't know what Clinton's or the other candidates policies are at all and I have no
opinion about who should be leading your country.

My objection has nothing to do with politics at all!
Sheesh!

[SUBMAN1]

What?! Where did that come from?

I honestly don't know a thing about her outside the BBC coverage.
I would be at a total loss to explain the American voting system.

I don't know what Clinton's or the other candidates policies are at all and I have no
opinion about who should be leading your country.

My objection has nothing to do with politics at all!
Sheesh!k then - explain why every other joke you have ever seen on this board that have used real names (And I have posted many myself) and you never objected to those?

Somehow, I don't believe you. Not even in the slightest.

-S

PS. Here is a UK news station that should teach you a great deal about the US political system. Should solve your BBC hangup - http://news.sky.com/skynews/home

[Letum]

:doh: I don't get it!

Is there some reason why I should like/dislike Hillary?

What other jokes?

What dont you belive?

[SUBMAN1]

:doh: I don't get it!

Is there some reason why I should like/dislike Hillary?

What other jokes?

What dont you belive?How can you sit their and discuss your political views daily in relation to American ones, and criticize America and how it conducts its politics, and then you tell me you have no idea how Americans conduct politics? Are you serious?

I guess I'm in for some sort of joke since you're just messing with me. :D Or you hit your head on the bathroom floor this morning and you have amnesia or something! Hahaha! When you get your head screwed back on, let me know.

-S

PS. An example of the hypocrit you are trying to be - the GW Bush joke above - you had no problem with.

[Letum]

How can you sit their and discuss your political views daily in relation to American ones, and criticize America and how it conducts its politics, and then you tell me you have no idea how Americans conduct politics? Are you serious?

1) The Bush Joke above is more than a little tame. I don't see how anyone could be
insulted by the suggestion that they pee in to saxophones. It's just bizarre.
2) One does not need a good understanding of a system to criticise or applaud its
actions.
i.e. I know nothing about Chinese politics aside from it being a one-party dictatorship lead by Who Jintao (?SP) and When Ji...something. That does not mean I am not well informed enough to condemn Chinese human rights abuses.
3) I do not criticise or applaud nations, only their actions.

[Tchocky]

Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit.

[SUBMAN1]

1) The Bush Joke above is more than a little tame. I don't see how anyone could be
insulted by the suggestion that they pee in to saxophones. It's just bizarre.
2) One does not need a good understanding of a system to criticise or applaud its
actions.
i.e. I know nothing about Chinese politics aside from it being a one-party dictatorship lead by Who Jintao (?SP) and When Ji...something. That does not mean I am not well informed enough to condemn Chinese human rights abuses.
3) I do not criticise or applaud nations, only their actions.Quite frankly, GW peeing into a sax I find even less tame than the Clinton joke since the Clinton joke leaves things to your imagination. Not only is the sax joke showing GW as being stupid, but it is showing a disgusting action where no direction is given in that regard to the Clinton joke.

And to say it wouldn't go the other way and you wouldn't be on GW's side, you can forget that argument - here is an example for you being a hypocrite - you actually agree with GW being an idiot (incredibly insulting) - http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=104375

So to sit their and tell me that you don't understand our politics to look innocent, and to say you don't know whats going on, not only are you a hypocrite, but you are a liar too. What do you take me or everyone else here for? Idiots? Sorry. Not many at Subsim.com if any. This simply comes down to the person that is the center of the subject, and your left wing socialist ideals and your need to manipulate the truth towards them. Nothing more.

Enough said - end of subject since I am done with it. Sorry for making me call it like it is. I usually avoid that, but you left me no choice. Have a nice weekend.

-S

[Sailor Steve]

I know this isn't about me, but I fell the need to clarify myself a little here, just so no-one thinks I'm a part of this. My only objection to the Clinton joke is that I originally heard it as part of a series about a marine general and an admiral. The "stupid Bush" joke I like just because it's funny; I've also heard it said that not since Ronald Reagan has a man so widely regarded as less than bright so consistently made fools of his detractors.

That said:
Back in the days when Gerald Ford was President, he was on his way to a meeting with his Vice-President, Nelson Rockefeller; his Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger; and the Reverend Billy Graham. Just as Marine-1 is about to lift off from the White House lawn, a hairy, unkempt young man with a backpack runs out of the White House. The President, recognizing him as a friend of his son's, waives off the secret service agents and listens while the man tells him of his need to get to Arlington, whither they are bound. The President okays this and off they go.

At about 8,000 feet a loud banging noise is heard. The pilot suddenly rushes to the back, shouts "We just lost a rotor blade! There's no way we can make it!", grabs a parachute off the rack, opens the door and jumps out.

President Ford immediately grabs a parachute, shouts "I'm the President of the United States! It's imperative that I live! There are three parachutes left; you'll figure something out!", and jumps out the door.

Vice-President Rockefeller grabs a parachute, shouts "There's only a heartbeat between that man and me taking his place! I must live! There are two parachutes for the three of you! Good luck!", and jumps out the door.

Secretary of State Kissinger grabs a parachute and shouts "Mein Gott! I am ze schmartest man in ze vorld! It cannot get along vizout me! Zere is von parachute left. You two are on your own!" And he's gone too.

Billy Graham looks at the young man and calmly says "Son, contrary to what a lot of people like to think, I really do believe what I preach. I've been ready to meet my Maker for a long time. You take that parachute, and I'll pray for your safe landing."

The young man looks at him and says "It's all right, sir, we still have two parachutes. The smartest man in the world just took my backpack!"

[Letum]

1) The Bush Joke above is more than a little tame. I don't see how anyone could be
insulted by the suggestion that they pee in to saxophones. It's just bizarre.
2) One does not need a good understanding of a system to criticise or applaud its
actions.
i.e. I know nothing about Chinese politics aside from it being a one-party dictatorship lead by Who Jintao (?SP) and When Ji...something. That does not mean I am not well informed enough to condemn Chinese human rights abuses.
3) I do not criticise or applaud nations, only their actions.Quite frankly, GW peeing into a sax I find even less tame than the Clinton joke since the Clinton joke leaves things to your imagination. Not only is the sax joke showing GW as being stupid, but it is showing a disgusting action where no direction is given in that regard to the Clinton joke.

And to say it wouldn't go the other way and you wouldn't be on GW's side, you can forget that argument - here is an example for you being a hypocrite - you actually agree with GW being an idiot (incredibly insulting) - http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=104375

So to sit their and tell me that you don't understand our politics to look innocent, and to say you don't know whats going on, not only are you a hypocrite, but you are a liar too. What do you take me or everyone else here for? Idiots? Sorry. Not many at Subsim.com if any. This simply comes down to the person that is the center of the subject, and your left wing socialist ideals and your need to manipulate the truth towards them. Nothing more.

Enough said - end of subject since I am done with it. Sorry for making me call it like it is. I usually avoid that, but you left me no choice. Have a nice weekend.

-S


From your link:
If only the story was true. I could see George Bush making that kind of mistake if he was at the helm.

Yup, I doubt it is true, it has been a long time since lighthouses where manned.

What on earth does this have to do with the price of eggs?
I am talking only about the truthfulness of the story about lighthouses here, not Bush. :doh:

As it happens, I do think Bush is particularly dim witted. No idiot, but certainly dim witted.
I also believe, after a bit of googling, that Clinton is likely to be, or have been, well connected with whore houses. (Link (http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a39fd0b09779a.htm))

but snide jokes? well, I just dint find malice and humor go together that well.


As for the politics:
I honestly do not have the first clue of the first policy of any of the election candidates. I couldn't tell you who the most socialist/conservative/etc is.
My knowledge of the voting system is limited. I know that the candidates are looking for votes from state representatives to decide who will win the leadership of each party. I don't know who the "state representatives" consist of, I don't know how the voting works. I assume they are party members?
I don't think members of the public vote, but I cant say that for sure.

I know practically nothing about the republican candidate as he has hardly been in the papers here. Apparently this is because he has won with little competition.

On the democrat side, I know Obama seams to be winning and that his novelty is being black. I am also informed that his wife keeps putting her foot in it.
Hillary is the ex-first lady of Bill.C. Because of this, she is the only candidate I have heard of before. Her novelty is being a woman. I am assuming from your reaction that she is a socialist, but I can't imagine she is much of one if she has her fingers in sex trafficking.

I can't name a single election promise any of them have made or a single policy.
That is aside from the buzz-word "change" which they all use excessively.

I have no idea what you think I know, but pretend not to or why that matters to you.

[Jimbuna]

I know this isn't about me, but I fell the need to clarify myself a little here, just so no-one thinks I'm a part of this. My only objection to the Clinton joke is that I originally heard it as part of a series about a marine general and an admiral. The "stupid Bush" joke I like just because it's funny; I've also heard it said that not since Ronald Reagan has a man so widely regarded as less than bright so consistently made fools of his detractors.

That said:
Back in the days when Gerald Ford was President, he was on his way to a meeting with his Vice-President, Nelson Rockefeller; his Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger; and the Reverend Billy Graham. Just as Marine-1 is about to lift off from the White House lawn, a hairy, unkempt young man with a backpack runs out of the White House. The President, recognizing him as a friend of his son's, waives off the secret service agents and listens while the man tells him of his need to get to Arlington, whither they are bound. The President okays this and off they go.

At about 8,000 feet a loud banging noise is heard. The pilot suddenly rushes to the back, shouts "We just lost a rotor blade! There's no way we can make it!", grabs a parachute off the rack, opens the door and jumps out.

President Ford immediately grabs a parachute, shouts "I'm the President of the United States! It's imperative that I live! There are three parachutes left; you'll figure something out!", and jumps out the door.

Vice-President Rockefeller grabs a parachute, shouts "There's only a heartbeat between that man and me taking his place! I must live! There are two parachutes for the three of you! Good luck!", and jumps out the door.

Secretary of State Kissinger grabs a parachute and shouts "Mein Gott! I am ze schmartest man in ze vorld! It cannot get along vizout me! Zere is von parachute left. You two are on your own!" And he's gone too.

Billy Graham looks at the young man and calmly says "Son, contrary to what a lot of people like to think, I really do believe what I preach. I've been ready to meet my Maker for a long time. You take that parachute, and I'll pray for your safe landing."

The young man looks at him and says "It's all right, sir, we still have two parachutes. The smartest man in the world just took my backpack!"

The old uns are still the best http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/7975/gigglebigtb9fg3.gif .....and yes, there are many variants of this one about too http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/9379/winkbigid2ph3.gif