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Brag
01-05-08, 12:40 PM
Lt. Otto Kalb Writes:

24 April 1940

"Sound contact." Someone shook me awake. Crap, still 30 minutes before my watch started.

I found Balz in the hydrophone cubicle wearing Mickey Mouse pajamas and bowler hat. "It's another Spanish liner," I said, yawning.
"Nein! It's hoochie woochie." Balz went to the nav table.
I looked through the periscope into the blackest, rainiest night in the world. Useless to try and attack anything. The visibility was probably less than 300 meters.
"There," Balz said. "That ship is following the hoochie woochie 3 route I have brilliantly deduced. "Auftauchen, grosse fahrt foraus. kurs 360."
At midnight we dove again. This time we were certain the ship followed Balz's hoochie woochie 3 route. Well, almost.
We turned WNW and stopped engines.
ASn hour later we could hear the engin of a freighter approaching. Balz was on the periscope. "It's a large ship."
Sounded like the thing was coming right on top.
"Torpedo, depth 7.5 meters, give me turns for six knots. Auftauchen!"
On the bridge the weather was foul. About two hundred meters ahead, I could barelly see the wake of the freighter through the UZO.
"Feuer," Balz said. "Einz, zwei, Hoochie woochie."
32 seconds later, a huge explosion in front of the ship outlined a medium sized freighter.
"How's that for a brilliant attack?" Balz asked. "A perfect, catastrophic hoochie woochie. Shoot from behind and make the torpedo explode up front. One torpedo ,one ship."
"Jawhol, Herr Kaleun. How did we do that?"
"Einz, zwei, hoochie woochie. We fired from about 180 meters, the target moved 92 meters when the torpedo reached its stern, too early to arm. Then it armed and exploded under hold number two."

"All engines stop, all engines astern one third. "

U-52 stopped and began backing as our target was racked by a series of explosions and went down.
Balz went below, singing. "I'm a hoochie woochie captain."

GoldenRivet
01-05-08, 01:17 PM
actually thats a brilliant shot herr Balz... I have used it successfully a couple of times myself :|\\

not that i intend to BRAG about it :rotfl:

Brag
01-05-08, 03:10 PM
Lt Otta Kalb writes:

Balz is sitting on his bunk with a blanket over his head. "I did everything right, even wore my Mickey Mouse jammies. Bastard, bastard, bastard."

The bastard he's refering to is Bernard who is hiding under some bunches of banans in the aft crew compartment.

Last night, under same conditions, we intercepted a large freighter. The first torpedo was a dud. The second torpedo hit and brought the ship to a stop. We stood 150 meters away, waiting for it to sink. Balz went below and left Bernard on watch.

The freighter vanished.

According to Balz, if we don't get credit for this ship we won't be able to get 100k tons on this patrol.

I'm not sure what Balz has in mind doing with the cutlass next to him. Is he going to commit hara kiri or is he going to murder Bernard? :huh:

GoldenRivet
01-05-08, 06:19 PM
bernard cant be killed - he is like a roach - you crush him and two bernards appear in his place.

NealT
01-05-08, 06:46 PM
I do not believe Balz has the intestinal fortitude to commit sepuku...

Bernard is indestructible.

Brag
01-05-08, 07:31 PM
LT Otto Kalb writes:

The weather cleared, we were unable to find the blasted ship. Balz found Bernard, half drowned in the forward bilge and hung him to dry from the extended periscope.

From his elevated position Bernard yelled, "Shiff gesichted."

4000 meters to the south east, a large cargo was heading our way. We moved ahead and dived.

The first torpedo thunked into the ship at 90 AOB but failed to explode.
"Impossible, no boom-boom." Balz muttered and fired another torp. This one exploded and the large cargo went down within five minutes. Balz ordered the choir to the Zentralle to sing: Wir sind immer ein Hoochie Woochie.

We're are still in the running for 100 K tons.


J.S. Balz writes:
To BDU
Why do you give me bum torpedoes? One cannot become a great Teutonic hero by causing banging sounds on a hull and no boom-boom. Sunk 87319 BRT. Three torpedoes left.

Will exercise hoochie-woochie and attemp a heroic 100,000 BRT.

Prepare the festivities,
Your Balzie