View Full Version : Never Leave Bernard In Charge
I left the officers' mess in Kiel, it was 1939 and time for my first patrol. Upon arriving at the wharf I was more than impressed with the band and cute nurses that were there to see us off, after all it was close to midnight. A light breeze blew accross with a chill straight off the water as my number one reported, "all crew present and boat ready for sea".
I descended down the steps of the conning tower into a dimly lit command room. All were busy with their pre voyage double checking and acknowledged my presence. The area smelled of a mix of rising damp and oil fumes with metallic sounds audible as last minute preparations continued.
Looking over the charts, the navigator informed me of a pre-set course to navigate the canal. "Not for me", I told him and promptly drew my own course. "Ahead slow"' I gave the order and went back to the bridge to soak up the atmosphere.
Once we left the wharf proper and were clear of other shipping I gave the order for ahead standard. I looked over to Bernard on the bridge, "Bernard my good man, the bridge is yours until we clear the canal".
I thought this would be good for Bernard's confidence and after all we would be in friendly waters until we left the canal so what could go wrong?
The other three on the bridge, Moe, Larry and Curly looked in disbelief, but I gave them one of those reassuring looks that only a commander could give.
I then proceeeded to leavy my post and hang a load of washing on the clothes line.
Upon returning I heard the screams of the crew, you guessed it, straight into the pylon of a bridge. Well of course we're taking damage, we just ran into a steel bridge!
I managed to abandon ship with all other hands lost. Now the trudge back to HQ to explain why my crew are deceased and my boat is a hazard to shipping in the Kiel Canal......:nope:
baggygreen
10-18-07, 07:58 PM
And a type 11A for you my boy!:lol::lol:
NiclDoe
10-18-07, 08:24 PM
BERNARD!!!!:x :x:damn: :damn: :stare: What are we going to do with you? :doh: :shifty: :roll: :hmm:
Von Manteuffel
10-19-07, 06:25 AM
Before heaping even more calumny on the unfortunate Bernard, we should bear in mind that he could have been the victim of a new secret weapon of the Tommies - the moving bridge pylon. It's believed to work a little like the famous Wooden Horse of Troy. A number of crack troops parachute in, each carrying a section of steel pylon. Under cover of darkness, they build the pylon so that it looks like part of an existing bridge and connect it with underwater steel cables to the shore. They then hide in the shoreline undergrowth and wait for an unsuspecting U-Boat to come along - Just as the U-Boat is about to sail under the bridge, they heave on the cables and pull the false pylon into its path. A collision and the subsequent loss of the U-Boat is inevitable.
As all new Kaleuns who are learning to manouvre and navigate their vessels know, this same underhand and dishonourable method is used by the Tommies with moving docksides, anchored ships and even sections of shoreline.
Are there no depths to which they will not stoop?
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showpost.php?p=671342&postcount=1442
Petsman
10-19-07, 07:12 AM
I always use the Kiel plot option. No trouble wanted. Bernard should be judged for it!:lol:
papa_smurf
10-19-07, 10:29 AM
Never every leave Bernard in charge of your U-boat!
After this debarcle, I doubt you'll ever be allowed to command a U-boat for a long while......
Never every leave Bernard in charge of your U-boat!
After this debarcle, I doubt you'll ever be allowed to command a U-boat for a long while......
Bernard? That guy my guard shot the last night in harbor? I questioned and the guard said he looked like a danger to the boat and shot him as soon as he was within range of his pistol. The guy fell into the water... hm .. since I left harbor, I don't know what happened with him. Maybe someone will want to speak to my guard when we are back in 6 day... Lucky boat so far! A few merchants and 2 destroyers sunk so far and no damage :D
Fenris_Wolf
10-19-07, 01:02 PM
You remind me of this dreadful accident on my boat. A fellow by that same name, Bernard yes, well he was on watch alone at the bridge and someone slipped and fell on the dive planes control! Luckily for everyone else the hatch was already closed by chance. We saved the ship, we had to, but the poor fellow was lost. :cry:
Sailor Steve
10-19-07, 03:47 PM
No he wasn't. You'll soon find that he was actually in the head at the time.
Bernard never goes away.
NiclDoe
10-19-07, 04:25 PM
No he wasn't. You'll soon find that he was actually in the head at the time.
Bernard never goes away.
:yep: :yep: :yep:
Bernard never goes away.
:hmm: Just came back from victorious patrol (balzism, sorry folks) and there was this guy at the pier between the welcome party, you know? The comrades, the fellows, the marines, the sailors, the nurses...
BDU personally was present, whole crew was ordered to attention, knight cross for my chief, and stuff like that... and hipp hurray holiday for 14 days, fine... and then this &(%$$ came, told me he was from the ship yard to check for repairs, and parts wouldn't be there in time and the crane was broken and ...blablabla...
luckily I was totaly drunk in victory ... he told me uboat is lying in dock for 5(!!) weeks... he really looked like the guy that my guard shot before the patrol....
Blacklight
10-20-07, 12:08 PM
Bernard? That guy my guard shot the last night in harbor? I questioned and the guard said he looked like a danger to the boat and shot him as soon as he was within range of his pistol. The guy fell into the water... hm .. since I left harbor, I don't know what happened with him.
Well actually, you'll discover that your guard shot him in the head but it missed his brain completely and now he's on board your U-Boat either in charge of navigation, torpedo targetting, or working at some other highly critical task onboard.
You can't get rid of him that easily.:yep:
BulSoldier
10-20-07, 03:13 PM
Next time make sure your guard uses the 105mm gun to blast his parts atleast 2km of each other!
Next time make sure your guard uses the 105mm gun to blast his parts atleast 2km of each other!
U-49 is only Typ VIIB so it features only 88mm... would that be sufficient or should I use a time fuse with one of my G7a? My artillery bosun could surely construct one :arrgh!:
BulSoldier
10-20-07, 03:24 PM
It will do the trick as long as burn whats left:sunny:
NiclDoe
10-20-07, 03:24 PM
Next time make sure your guard uses the 105mm gun to blast his parts atleast 2km of each other!
Yea about that... bernard is invinclible and can never die.
Stealth Hunter
10-20-07, 03:29 PM
Exactly, which is why I've locked him in the aft torpedo tube.
"DAMN THE TORPEDOES! FIRE BERNARD!"
BulSoldier
10-20-07, 03:39 PM
[/quote] Exactly, which is why I've locked him in the aft torpedo tube.[/quote]
are you willing to use this weapon of horror against human.COme onyou cannot be that cruel even with your enemies,after all that is BERNARD !!!
mowgli99
10-20-07, 07:54 PM
my Bernard story...hmmm. Well, just as we were preparing to leave port i put Bernard on duty to pull in the starboard line. It turns out one of the sailors on the dock attached a very heavy weight on his end. Bernard pulled the line and sank head first in to the water. Took the safety people 10 minutes to get him out and another ten till he was back and ready. My chief wanted to go ahead full to either loose him or kill him in the props. I wish i had listened. He's caused us nothing but trouble.
Blacklight
10-20-07, 10:26 PM
Exactly, which is why I've locked him in the aft torpedo tube
You can fire him out of that tube if you want. You can toss him off the conning tower and drive off at flank speed. You can tie him to a torpedo and launch him at a freighter You can toss him into your props. You can shoot him with the deck canon. You can shoot him OUT OF the deck canon.... only to go below decks and find him steering your Uboat directly into that minefield you were trying to avoid before you were out on deck trying to get rid of him (He'll be claiming excitedly that he found a shortcut to AN34 or whaterver destination you're heading to). Bernard is somehow an anomoly of the space time continuum. Get used to him. He's on your boat permanently. He's on.. all our boats....forever.:shifty:
Stealth Hunter
10-20-07, 11:28 PM
Exactly, which is why I've locked him in the aft torpedo tube.[/quote]
are you willing to use this weapon of horror against human.COme onyou cannot be that cruel even with your enemies,after all that is BERNARD !!![/quote]
I machine gun the survivors of sinking ships...
papa_smurf
10-21-07, 06:54 AM
Bernard will never leave us, he's just something you have to put up with.
Cicatrix
03-24-08, 07:56 PM
Bernard was adopted his real name is Bernard Law
Another Zombie thread --- aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh :eek: :eek: :eek:
Bernard was adopted his real name is Bernard Law
Welcome aboard Cicatrix.
Who else is scar-faced? :D
vBulletin® v3.8.11, Copyright ©2000-2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.