Bernard's Birthday is coming up

[NiclDoe]

Just 3 more days now till Dowly gets the cake and party ready!:yep:

[Sailor Steve]

Does the cake have TNT in it?

[NiclDoe]

Ask Dowly as he is Bernard's Dad.:yep:

[Dowly]

I tried cyanide last year... :hmm:

[NiclDoe]

Did it work? Bernard is useful when he breathes CO2 in so our boat is more livable and also he brought a plant on board too.

[Brag]

We need Balz to compose a happy birthday song for Bernard. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Dowly]

Did it work? Bernard is useful when he breathes CO2 in so our boat is more livable and also he brought a plant on board too.

Nope... didnt work... He ate the whole thing and asked for more. :nope:

[NiclDoe]

O please Brag can you make Balz sing this year's song please!!!! :rotfl:

[NiclDoe]

You mean he ate all the bad stuff in it and wanted more?:huh:

[Dowly]

You mean he ate all the bad stuff in it and wanted more?:huh:

:yep:

So I baked him three cakes more, he ate them too, no effect. Tho, he had some gas problems later that night. :hmm:

[NiclDoe]

I give him something nice for him. Oooh lets see what i can give the little bugger:hmm:
I got it and heres the present and its enriched radioactive uranium fresh from Russia with Love. (Even though i live in the US)

[sunvalleyslim]

I think it's time to get Bernard blotto and have him sing to Kapt Balz instead...:rotfl::rotfl:

[Brag]

Here is the wire recording Kptlt Balz sent via radio while on patrol:

Haaappy hoochie woochie Bernard
Hoochie woochie birthdaaaay
hoochie woochie hoochie woochie
Bernard, you hoochie woooooohieeeeee
Happy hoochie woochieeee Birthdaaaaay
hoochieeeeee wooooooochieeeeeee to youooooooooo.

[Sailor Steve]

An interesting "irresistable force/immovable object" variant: what happens if Bernard sails on Balz's boat?

[NiclDoe]

An interesting "irresistable force/immovable object" variant: what happens if Bernard sails on Balz's boat?

That will not paint a pretty picture thats for sure. Hitler may dismiss Balz for Bernard being on board. Balz just beware and be on look out more often. ;)

[StarFox]

your going about this all wrong. If you really want him to leave your boat, you hire some one to do it, rather then do it yourself and mess something up. It may take months or years, but it will be done

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y241/will107/scr_167.jpg

^^

[andylegate]

Are you sure Benard isn't over at my new VII U-45? He may have snuck on board and is "hot racking" it. I'm only wondering because of all the problems I've been having lately (IE destroyed conning tower, sonar operators that don't know the difference between Warships and Merchants......).

I'm off to look at my crew roster right now! Mid-patrol or not, if I see Benard on the crew's list, he's going for a swim! LOL!

[gordonmull]

We need to think of a present to give him for his birthday. I reckon lead boots, followed by a game of pin the tail on the donkey somewhere on the foredeck.

[NiclDoe]

Yes Andy he is on your sub becuase of your reasons and you should kick his ar*e when he is about to board. He said "ship spotted" and i loked and it was a Dolphin next to us and Bernard wanted to have it for diner. I said no becuase Kpt. Lehmann does not allow us to shoot any dolphins. ;)

[Frostyvegi]

We need to think of a present to give him for his birthday. I reckon lead boots, followed by a game of pin the tail on the donkey somewhere on the foredeck.

I think he heard you say that.. yesterday he was on deck. We were experiencing some unseasonably good weather for early November off the coast of England, the sun was shining through a slight fog, water was so calm it looked like glass.. and guess who shows up on deck in full wet weather gear?

[gordonmull]

I'm scared now. If he did hear me he'll probably try extra hard!

[Spruence M]

Another Year? :damn:


:lol:

[NiclDoe]

What did you get the little Bugger for his birthday?

[Frostyvegi]

I'm tossing up a big red button with a big sign on it that says 'DO NOT PRESS' that's not connected to anything.. just so he has something to press that can't fire the torpedo when I'm not looking.. or one of those child proof locks to put on the Barracks door so he mysteriously doesn't show up for duty next time I cast off.. :hmm:

[Myxale]

Is it time already?

Dowly will have to order some Fool-Proof cake, if Bernard is gonna slice it!:rock:

[Rhodes]

It's going to be a hell of a birthday party. I going to get prepare, ready my mind...

:-j:()1::()1::rock:

[NiclDoe]

Watch Seth's funny video about Bernard. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9Jzel95iQI Seth you made this one a classic.

[Dowly]

Still 2 days. Tuesday, 25th. :up:

[NiclDoe]

Im surprised Neal does not know about this. :hmm:

[Dowly]

Hehe, IIRC, Neal didnt remember the last birthday either. And to think of it, I havent been really a model user here at SS in the past. Maybe he just says a little prayer in his mind to all the uboaters who have to deal with Bernard and carries on. ;)

[NiclDoe]

1 day :D

[Brag]

It is the 25th in Berlin, Wilhelmsaven, Kiel and even Lorient Brest & St Naz.

Kptlt. Johan Sebastian Balz (Bernard's best friend) raises his champagne glass and gestures for his U-53 choir to sing:

Happy hoochie woochie Bernard
Hoochie woochie birthday
Hoochie woochie
Hoochie woochie
Happy hoochie woochie Birthday
hoochie woochie to you. :smug: (beautiful isn't it?)

Another perfect event created by Balz the Magnificent. Enjoy it, chaps :smug:

[Blacklight]

On my Uboat, Bernard is going to have the honor of riding the "Magic Water Ride" that I and the crew put together for him. The entrance to the ride is one of those tubes up front.

[U-96]

Just for fun, load the deck gun with an HE round and confetti, and convince him there's candy inside the barrel of the deck gun.

[Frostyvegi]

Hang a impact armed torpedo from a rope, blindfold him, give him a bat and tell him it's a pinyata... and run!

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

happy birthday Bernard. may your boat sink and you drown :arrgh!:

[Dowly]

Happy Birthday, Bernard! Uncle Karl gave you a new boat too, isnt he nice. Report to Oberleutnant Jochen Mohr. :rotfl:

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

Happy Birthday, Bernard! Uncle Karl gave you a new boat too, isnt he nice. Report to Oberleutnant Jochen Mohr. :rotfl:

:o
then he has to swim, im on vacation at sea :sunny:

[NiclDoe]

Happy B-day bugger and he just ate my Uranium and wants more.
Mohr enjoy Bernard on your boat for the next few weeks. P.s. your so lucky to have him on your boat.:damn:

[Huskalar]

Hang a impact armed torpedo from a rope, blindfold him, give him a bat and tell him it's a pinyata... and run!If it's really Bernard who you're talking about, I would run first and then shout it's a pinyata. ;)

[HunterICX]

Happy Birthday, Bernard! Uncle Karl gave you a new boat too, isnt he nice. Report to Oberleutnant Jochen Mohr. :rotfl:

:o
then he has to swim, im on vacation at sea :sunny:

Dont worry about that, I can always drop him of with my airplane...just need to make sure he is tied well in the bombay :cool:

[Rhodes]

From U-307 to the place of Bernard party:

Happy Birthday Bernard...

[Blacklight]

From U-307 to the place of Bernard party:

Happy Birthday Bernard...

...And good luck to all those in attendance. I'll stay here safely locked in this concrete bunker till it's over.:arrgh!:

[Stierlitz]

Happy birthday, Bernard!

Oh, and thanks for leaving the conning tower hatch open during the last crash dive practice, you sick bastard. :shifty:

[Biggles]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERNARD!

Your present from me: You'll get a last meal before I shoot you through the head. (Consider yourself lucky)

[NiclDoe]

Headshots dont kill him. Sorry Biggles.

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

yup. bernard is unfortunatly invincible :damn: :dead:

[NiclDoe]

By the way Mohr who is he doing on your ship after Hunter dropped him off. can we meet out at sea and trade him from you to me.

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

By the way Mohr who is he doing on your ship after Hunter dropped him off. can we meet out at sea and trade him from you to me.

never got the package, you should ask him to drop it on ur sub :yep:

[Frostyvegi]

Hang a impact armed torpedo from a rope, blindfold him, give him a bat and tell him it's a pinyata... and run!If it's really Bernard who you're talking about, I would run first and then shout it's a pinyata. ;)

Yeah, but that being said, he'd probably knock himself out with the bat first.. :damn:


Oh.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERNARD.. (you little bugga!)

He must be :()1: right now.. been AWOL from the control room last night.. everything was working a charm.. (time to knock on wood, me thinks!)

[NealT]

Perhaps Bernard is there in disguise?

Happy Birthday anyway!

[Rhodes]

From U-307 to the place of Bernard party:

Happy Birthday Bernard...

...And good luck to all those in attendance. I'll stay here safely locked in this concrete bunker till it's over.:arrgh!:

Why do you think I off in patrol in Bernard birthday... The crew of the 307 said that they wanted more shore leave. When I told them who's birthday was coming, they all run to the boat and said, so Herr kaleunt, why are you taking so long to go in patrol...:rotfl:

[Blacklight]

Headshots dont kill him. Sorry Biggles.

Yeah. The bullet will just miss his brain completely.

[NiclDoe]

How can that be? :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Frostyvegi]

Perhaps Bernard is there in disguise?

Happy Birthday anyway!

I obviously didn't knock hard enough.. went to load up SH3 this morning.. all my save games GONE!!! :damn: :damn: :damn: :damn: :damn: :damn: :damn: :damn:

[Brag]

What a bunch of good friends Bernard has. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[StarFox]

Happy Birthday Bernard

and the next time you leave the bow torpedo loading hatch open while at see, I will stuff you in it to seal it

[Apollo]

I shot him out of tube 3 while we where doing torpedo reloading.

He was back St.Nazire when I got back from the patrol sitting at the dock waiting.:hmm:

[Blacklight]

We're so joyous that Bernard has survived another year !!!:nope:

Isn't it amazing just how many Uboats he manages to be stationed on all at the same time ! He's a real workaholic !:know:

[Bismarck]

He blocked our head yesterday. Try to take a crap and the smell delayed the D-Day invasion fleet.

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

He blocked our head yesterday. Try to take a crap and the smell delayed the D-Day invasion fleet.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:: rotfl:

[NiclDoe]

Well that could have helped Germany if it was true becuase they needed more troops in the Eastern front to get those Russians back into Russia and help stop those Russians from marching into Germany later.

[Kaleu. Jochen Mohr]

send bernard and they will surrender ;)

[NiclDoe]

I wish Hitler would do that so we can take the US and UK and there the war is over.

[Letum]

"Surely he hath borne our Griefs
and carried our Sorrows;
Yet we did esteem him stricken,
smitten of god and afflicted
and Bernard shall bear upon him
all their iniquities
unto a Land not inhabited."

Poor Bernard. :(