Military Rules

[SUBMAN1]

I wonder how many subsimmers will post flame mail over this one? :D

-S

MILITARY RULES

Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan , because the first one probably won't
work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone
you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does
not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is
cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend.
(Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one
you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber,
stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your
intention to shoot...

Special Op Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while
starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform
killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while
starving.

US Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's...that can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power
Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry
executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them
operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict
but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines...

[ASWnut101]

:rotfl: Love it.


I'm going in the AF too! Better study up on Power-point presentations! :cool:

[August]

The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

1.Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2.Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3.Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

4.Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5.Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6.Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7.Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

8.Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

9.Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

10.Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

11.Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

12.Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

13.Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

14.Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly
to save snake's life.

15.Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

16.Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, and delivers two weeks after due date.

17.F-15 pilot: Miss-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

18.F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

19.AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infrared. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.

20.UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

21.B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

22.Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

23.Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

24.Coast Guard (USCG): Chases snake. Fires shot across snake's bow. Boards snake and detains it. Sends it to foreign snake impoundment camp at Guantanimo Bay.

25.Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

[CCIP]

AHAHA :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

The snake one is pure gold!

[SUBMAN1]

AHAHA :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

The snake one is pure gold!

Agreed! :up: :up: :up:

[Tchocky]

3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan , because the first one probably won't
work.

Oh that's so true :)

[Skybird]

3.Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.


That option is mine! :lol:

[Heibges]

My friend a Marine Mortar Maggot originally sent me this.


The 213 Things Skippy is Not Allowed to do....

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is "Specialist Schwarz" not "Princess Anastasia".
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over it”.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on government time.
11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to “Sic Brass!”
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous “Barbie Girl Dance” while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a “Wanker”.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that “We kicked your ass in World War 2!”
27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing “High Speed Dirt” by Megadeth during airborne operations. (“See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker”)
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).
37. Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasa”, not “Dr. Feelgood”.
38. Our supply Sgt is “Sgt Watkins” not “Sugar Daddy”.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. “Keep on Trucking” is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to “Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy's little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies”.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote “Dr Seuss” on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote “Full Metal Jacket “ at the rifle range.
54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of my chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than you”.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to “Block out the space mind control lasers”.
69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed “Skyclad”.
74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the “field of honor”.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. “Redneck Zombies” is not a military training aid.
97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not “Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.”
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint” Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from “Full Monty” every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to “waterproof” dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.
128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand any orders.
130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole ****ing village!” while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove “The Pen is Mightier than the sword”.
142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my window.
144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free” is not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.
148. Putting red “Mike and Ike's” ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is “Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir” not “You can't prove a thing!”
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to “guard the flight line”.
154. Shouldn't treat “piss-bottles” with extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
156. I will no longer perform “lap-dances” while in uniform.
157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
163. Take that hat off.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
165. I do not get “that time of month”.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* “especially patriotic films”
170. Not allowed to “defect” to OPFOR during training missions.
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
172. “A full magazine and some privacy” is not the way to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).
175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celts”.
176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
177. I am not to refer to a formation as “the boxy rectangle thingie”.
178. I am not “A lesbian trapped in a man's body”.
179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.
180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.
181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counseling”.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”.
185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn”.
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
190. Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not “That's what you think”.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am” until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
206. Not allowed to get shot.
207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...this was the same dinner.)
210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

[August]

Ha, the Marines edited it! Here's the preamble I got when it came out a few years ago:

The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

SGT Shawn Stanford
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.n Stanford
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both,since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

[waste gate]

Not really a military rule but one that everyone should keep in mind when planning a trip.

"Time to spare go by air, more time yet go by jet!"
:D

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d4/PubTThou01.jpg

[August]

No thread on military rules would be complete without:

Murphy's Laws of Combat

1:Friendly fire - isn't.
2:Recoilless rifles - aren't.
3:Suppressive fires - won't.
4:You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5:A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
6:If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7:Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8:If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.
9:If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10:Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11:Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12:Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13:If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14:The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15:The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:1-when they're ready 2-when you're not.
16:No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
17:There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18:Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.
19:There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
20:A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
21:The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22:The easy way is always mined.
23:Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24:Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. (For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.)
25:Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26:If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
27:When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
28:Incoming fire has the right of way.
29:No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
30:No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
31:If the enemy is within range, so are you.
32:The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
33:Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
34:Things that must be together in order to work, can't be shipped to the field that way.
35:Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. (Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)
36:Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing.
37:Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
38:Tracers work both ways.
39:If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
40:When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
41:Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
42:Military Intelligence is an oxymoron.
43:Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
44:Weather ain't neutral.
45:If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
46:Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
47:The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
48:Napalm is an area support weapon.
49:Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
50:Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
51:The one item you need is always in short supply.
52:Interchangeable parts aren't.
53:It's not the one with your name on it that should worry you; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
54:When in doubt, empty your magazine.
55:The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
56:Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
57:If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
58:Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
59:The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
60:Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
61:Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
62:The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
63:One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
64:A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
65:The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
66:Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
67:The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
68:The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
69:Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
70:No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
71:If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
72:For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
73:Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
74:When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
75:Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
76:The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
77:To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
78:The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
79:The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
80:When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
81:The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
82:A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
83:Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
84:The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
85:All-weather close air support isn't.
86:The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
87:It's easier to expend material in combat than to fill out the forms for Graves Registration.
88:Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate -- the bombs always hit the ground.
89:The crucial round is a dud.
90:Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
91:There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
92:Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
93:If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
94:If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
95:If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
96:Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
97:Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
98:The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
99:The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
100:There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
101:Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
102:The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
103:Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
104:As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
105:Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
106:The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
107:Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
108:If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

[SUBMAN1]

No thread on military rules would be complete without:

Murphy's Laws of Combat




Stop it! You're killing me! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :up::up::up::up:

[Heibges]

3.Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.


That option is mine! :lol:

Mine too, but more like...

3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, gets pogiebait our of bussel rack, eats pogiebait, and looks for more snakes.

[Sailor Steve]

On Marine Rule #12: People still remembered what happened on October 26, 1881 in Tombstone, Arizona; and the events are pretty well documented.

On the Navy rules (epecially #3): I spent most of my time in Vietnam providing fire support for the Marines, and that only when they called and begged for it, so all I can say is, "Your welcome".:p

[Jimbuna]

Some crackin one's there August :rock: :lol: