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View Full Version : The Guy's Rules (For those sick of hearing about the Women's rules)


SUBMAN1
04-11-07, 02:57 PM
The Guys' Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.< /SPAN>

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Wind ows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is .

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you w ear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, Firearms,
or Tannerite Landscaping. http://www.dirtshooters.com/darwin/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

August
04-11-07, 03:06 PM
:rotfl:

Hitman
04-11-07, 03:10 PM
*****The ultimate Women's guide of what a man means when he says something:*****

Yes=Yes
No=No
I'm hungry=I want to eat something
Uh? Yes, sure...= I was not listening already 5 minutes ago
What's wrong?=Can't you say what have I done wrong instead of crying?
You look pretty tonight=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
Do we pick a Pizza and watch a movie?=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
Do you want to dance=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
I love you= I want to have s*x with you
I love you more than anything else= I really need to have s*x now, as soon as possible
I want to marry you=I want to make it ilegal for you to have s*x with other guys

:roll:

GreyOctober
04-11-07, 03:13 PM
Pretty funny youre posting this in a 99% male population forum. Laughed my shorts off regardless :rotfl: :rotfl:

Oh wait...I sense a disturbance in the force....THE AVON LADY! ;)

GreyOctober
04-11-07, 03:16 PM
*****The ultimate Women's guide of what a man means when he says something:*****

Yes=Yes
No=No
I'm hungry=I want to eat something
Uh? Yes, sure...= I was not listening already 5 minutes ago
What's wrong?=Can't you say what have I done wrong instead of crying?
You look pretty tonight=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
Do we pick a Pizza and watch a movie?=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
Do you want to dance=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
I love you= I want to have s*x with you
I love you more than anything else= I really need to have s*x now, as soon as possible
I want to marry you=I want to make it ilegal for you to have s*x with other guys

:roll:


wtf? whats with the "*" in sex? :hmm: id understand if ******* was used, but SEX?..c'mon...

Kapitan_Phillips
04-11-07, 03:19 PM
SUBMAN, you genius :rotfl::rotfl:

XabbaRus
04-11-07, 03:25 PM
Excellent..I have been trying to get my wife to understand this totally...

SUBMAN1
04-11-07, 03:28 PM
Pretty funny youre posting this in a 99% male population forum. Laughed my shorts off regardless :rotfl: :rotfl:


Just sharing the ammo so that all of you can copy this and paste it into an email for your significant other! Now can we get back to the topic of Tannerite Landscaping?

-S

Tannerite ignition:
http://www.tannerite.com/blowup_small.jpg

Jimbuna
04-11-07, 03:34 PM
Awesome :rock:
:rotfl: :rotfl:

Polak
04-11-07, 03:38 PM
Pretty funny youre posting this in a 99% male population forum. Laughed my shorts off regardless :rotfl: :rotfl:

Oh wait...I sense a disturbance in the force....THE AVON LADY! ;)
She's almost male, she served in the military. :D

STEED
04-11-07, 04:04 PM
Watch out SUBMAN1, women libber's and the PC Liberals are after you. Don't panic I shall stop them. :lol:

The Avon Lady
04-11-07, 04:08 PM
Pretty funny youre posting this in a 99% male population forum. Laughed my shorts off regardless :rotfl: :rotfl:

Oh wait...I sense a disturbance in the force....THE AVON LADY! ;)
She's almost male, she served in the military. :D
Nope. Never. :nope:

Though my kitchen may be called Hamburger Hill at times. :D

kiwi_2005
04-11-07, 06:39 PM
The Guys' Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.< /SPAN>

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Wind ows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is .

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you w ear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, Firearms,
or Tannerite Landscaping. http://www.dirtshooters.com/darwin/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Read this before on other forums but its always good to read again. Mind you the version i read did not have this one: "Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, Firearms, or Tannerite Landscaping." An american version no doubt:hmm:

Anyways woman should take note having 20 pairs of shoes and two walkin wardrobes IS ENOUGH! :arrgh!: :yep:

bookworm_020
04-11-07, 08:25 PM
Loved it!:up:

I have just gone through a marrige encounter meeting with the minster who will be leading our marrige service in just over a week. One of the things he mentioned was the clothing issue re Man V's Woman.

Men can wear the same thing over and over and no one notices. A woman wears something that looks the same two days in a row and she will be asked if she has nothing to wear!:doh:

Still yet to figure out the thirty pairs of black shoes though!:huh:

baggygreen
04-11-07, 11:27 PM
I think that any man who ever has figured out that one has been bailed up, kidnapped and disappeared without a trace...

SUBMAN1
04-12-07, 12:18 PM
Watch out SUBMAN1, women libber's and the PC Liberals are after you. Don't panic I shall stop them. :lol:

I feel protected already. :roll: :D

STEED
04-12-07, 04:40 PM
Watch out SUBMAN1, women libber's and the PC Liberals are after you. Don't panic I shall stop them. :lol:

I feel protected already. :roll: :D

All part of the service. :yep:

jumpy
04-12-07, 05:27 PM
hehe

- when walking out of the shower it is a must for all blokes to wave their private parts at their girlfriend/wife* and make "wooohooo! woooo!" noises at them.

*I'm not sure about the latter though :hmm:

From the guide to how men shower, or similar.

P_Funk
04-12-07, 05:28 PM
For those of us living in areas parallel to Minnesota and above I'd switch NASCAR for Hockey and you might have yourself a deal.:up:

U-533
04-14-07, 08:26 AM
I never understood the clothes issue with women...:hmm:

I've always thought what they wore would look better laying on the floor:up:

ReallyDedPoet
04-14-07, 09:43 AM
switch NASCAR for Hockey and you might have yourself a deal.:up:

:up::up:

Platapus
04-14-07, 10:00 AM
I always tell my girlfriend that she would look good wearing nothing at all

<smirk>

But while we are on the subject

Why does my girlfriend ask questions of me that have no answer?

GF: I can't make up my mind, should I wear the blue outfit or the green?

Stupid me: The green one

GF: Why? What's wrong with the blue outfit?

SM: Nothing, I think they are both cute on you (hint to guys never say that something is cute or looks good, but say that it is cute ON YOU or looks good ON YOU. For some reason women like that <shrug>)

GF: But you picked the green outfit.

SM: <looking at my watch wondering if we are ever going to eat> Yes I think it looks good on you (remembering the rule)

GF: So you don't like the blue outfit any more?

SM: (wishing that I had made myself a sandwitch) I like the blue outfit.

GF: Maybe I should wear the blue outfit then.

SM: (thinking about the original question that started this whole mess) Well either outfit will look good on you (BUZZ - wrong answer! Bad man, go to you room!)

GF: But I want to know what outfit you would like me to wear!

SM: (Thinking that I already did when I clearly said the green outfit 45 minutes ago) Please wear the green outfit, it looks really good on you

GF: I think I will wear the blue outfit. I like that way that looks.

SM: <says nothing. Knowing full well that ANY comment will only make this situtation worse> (thinking, at least she did not mention the red outfit)

GF: Or should I wear the red outfit?

sigh

jimbob
04-14-07, 12:00 PM
hehe

- when walking out of the shower it is a must for all blokes to wave their private parts at their girlfriend/wife* and make "wooohooo! woooo!" noises at them.



Its called The Helicopter , if you can make it go around.

:D

jumpy
04-15-07, 11:55 AM
^^

:rotfl: