Bernard's Laws of Submarining.

[Rilder]

Well I came up with this Idea a while back (dunno if its original or not) but its basicly like Murpheys Law, but instead of focusing on ground combat Bernards law deals with Submarining, named after that Infamous member of all our crew...

So I decided to make a topic for all of us to post our "Bernard's Laws"

Here are a couple I've come up with, 2 of them posted in other topics...

"Torpedoes, when fired at a high priority target within bounds of a task force or convoy, will always be duds, or will miss."

"A perfectly aimed deck gun, when fired at a target you need to sink, will always find a way to miss, even if this means defying the laws of physics."

"After shooting down a plane,it will always fly straight into your sub."

:p

[Cakewalk]

"When returning from a patrol running at high Time Compression, your submarine will always strike land and recieve fatal wounds." :)

[Sagan]

"After shooting down a plane,it will always fly straight into your sub."

:p

:rotfl:


The shorter the ship the most likely your torpedo will hit at longer ranges, the longer the ship "carrier" whenever its close and you fire a torpedo it'll just miss by an inch.

[rizZO_77]

when you think you can get 200 yards closer to fire a shot at that destroyer: you really can't.... it WILL detect you and sink you with one DC.

[Linavitch]

The only time you get a one shot kill is when you have correctly aimed at least 4 torps to hit.

[squigian]

Sightings of juicy targets only occur under three circumstances:

1. When you are out of torpedoes
2. When you're sub is damaged beyond diving
3. When they are moving too fast to catch up with

If you somehow manage to attack the target, one of three things will happen:

1. You will miss
2. It will shrug off all attempts to sink it
3. You sink the ship, only to find it was friendly/neutral
4. The ship will be sunk; you rejoice and set course back home. Upon entering the port and deciding to Return To Base, the game will immediately crash.

[P_Funk]

Whenever its night time, your Watch crew won't deem it necessary to inform you of a Destroyer breaking formation with the convoy and steaming directly at you, although they'll inform you of the accuracy of his gunnery ("we're taking damage, sir!").

[USS_shipmaster]

" Even you successfully made to port and got grazy amount of enemy tonnage, the HQ will deside that you have enough glory and medals to give you an office job"

[Dustyboats]

You have just carried out an awesome attack on a convoy.....escorts afraid to come near you....you retire gracefully to 12nms at 140ft...stood down Battle Stations and Damage Control....ZZZ' coming from two watches....you hear the soft voice "Radar contact medium range"

[Ostfriese]

Calling Murphy 'Bernard' will increase the chance of becoming a victim of Murphy's Law.

[jerryt]

Whenever its night time, your Watch crew won't deem it necessary to inform you of a Destroyer breaking formation with the convoy and steaming directly at you, although they'll inform you of the accuracy of his gunnery ("we're taking damage, sir!").

Ha ha, had this happen yesterday in very foggy conditions. I'm stalking this convoy on the surface just before dawn, and the first thing I knew about the DD was when the shell whistled overhead, the searchlight came on, and the crewman yelled "we're under fire, sir". Thanks radar for telling me!! :damn:

I look over and this DD is roaring right for me, Next shell hit just below the conning tower, but didn't puncture the pressure hull. I crash dive and just get down far enough so that he barely scraped my deck as he tried to ram me. Then he drops a bunch of DC's on me, but luckily they went off far enough below me that they didn't cause damage! I thought I was screwed for sure! :o

I didn't even get any screen shots because I was so busy, and it really got me jumping. I think it was the best moment of the game so far, really had me worried for my boat and crew. Great "oh Crap!!" moment, lol. :up:

Very realistic though, since the lookouts couldn't see him in the fog. Kind of wonder how he found me though.

[Ducimus]

- Your first torpedo in salvo will explode prematurely.

- Your last torpedo will run circular.

- The sound contact youve been chasing for the last 3 hours will turn out to be made of wood and weigh 1 ton.

- Your SD radar will quit working when you decide to return to port.

- No aircraft shall be spotted by the watch crew until its too late to dive.

- Aircraft will never appear when you do a persicope check before surfacing, and always when you don't.

[Sailor Steve]

Calling Murphy 'Bernard' will increase the chance of becoming a victim of Murphy's Law.
However, calling Bernard 'Murphy' will not reverse the effect; it will make it worse.

[TheSatyr]

"You return to base after a highly succesful patrol,having sunk 9 ships for 30K tonnage...and BDU will claim you didn't sink any ships at all and then suggest that you might make a decent cook on a patrol craft in the Baltic"

[Mush Martin]

If the attack is going well you havent checked for the blackswan on your
six.

[Platapus]

1. If you have not checked, the depth under your keel is 20 feet

2. It is only after calculating range, AoB, speed and opened up the torpedo tube doors will you find out that you had the wrong ship Identified (wanna see the t-shirt?)

3. The tanker will always zig when you zag, but the destroyer will always zig when you zig

[GoldenEagle8]

The shore batteries will always hit spot on, no matter how far, when you can't hit anything from 1000m.

The death blow will always be a dud.

The DD's ALWAYS know you are there, they just want you to feel safe.

right when you know you found the sweet spot, you forgot to open the Torpedo Tube door.

Only friendly mines will kill you.

You only hit mines after an extreamly successful patrol.

[Lorgar]

If you somehow manage to hit 3 ships in a convoy simultaneously
you will always CTD

[-Pv-]

It's not the things that are damaged that sink you, it's the things that are repaired.
-Pv-

[TheSatyr]

You will always run aground on that one little speck of land that only shows up on your map when you have your map zoomed all the way in.