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SUBSIM: The Web's #1 BBS for all submarine and naval simulations!
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SUBSIM: The Web's #1 BBS for all submarine and naval simulations! |
04-17-2009, 09:04 PM
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#1 |
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Rear Admiral
 Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 12,858
Downloads: 0
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Satan
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said "Do you know who I am?" The man replied "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't" said the man. "Don 't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan. "Don 't doubt it for a minute" returned the old man, in an even tone. "Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep" was the calm reply. "And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope" said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied "Been married to your sister for 48 years !"
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04-17-2009, 09:12 PM
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The Old Man
 Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Deep in the Wild Canadian suburbs.
Posts: 1,469
Downloads: 0
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You're telling jokes now? Cool. It was pretty funny.
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 The entire German garrison of Vanviken, right here in your thread! 
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04-18-2009, 12:08 AM
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#3 | |
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War Dog
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Patroling off Bungo Straights
Posts: 14,955
Downloads: 70
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Quote:
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04-18-2009, 12:48 AM
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Navy Seal
 Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast
Posts: 5,978
Downloads: 1
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That even got a laugh from my wife.... just before she threw something heavy at me, will tell you more after I get back from the hospital! 
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04-18-2009, 03:40 AM
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#5 |
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Pacific Aces Dev Team
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Spain
Posts: 8,622
Downloads: 93
Uploads: 3
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Do you guys know what is the difference between a sorceress and a witch? No?
10 years of marriage 
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"Wiser is the Devil for being old than for being the Devil" - Old spanish say 
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04-18-2009, 06:52 AM
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Rear Admiral
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 11,275
Downloads: 54
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Quote:
Reminds me of the old joke about: What's the difference between your Job and your Wife? Similar punchlines 
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
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04-18-2009, 07:19 AM
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Chief of the Boat
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: 250 metres below the surface
Posts: 83,207
Downloads: 42
Uploads: 8
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Nice one
 Jesus and satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off... Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work... Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?" God just shrugged his shoulders and said, JESUS SAVES...
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Stop following me...I'm lost!! GWX3.0 Download Page http://www.mediafire.com/myfiles.php?r=nkjkl#j35rkcr24g8d2 GWX Website/Home Page Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) http://www.subsim.com/subsim_files/gwx_donation1207.php 
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04-18-2009, 12:02 PM
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#9 |
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Grey Wolf
 Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 814
Downloads: 47
Uploads: 0
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My heart is steadfast, O God. I will sing and make music with all my soul. Ps. 108:1 Survival of the fittest does not explain arrival of the fittest. we live in a single spoken sentence.. "God said, let there be"  
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04-18-2009, 12:12 PM
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#10 |
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Rear Admiral
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 11,275
Downloads: 54
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Jesus Saves, all other take 2D6 damage.
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
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04-18-2009, 01:15 PM
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#11 |
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Just A Kid At Heart
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: 600 miles from the nearest ocean.
Posts: 45,409
Downloads: 411
Uploads: 227
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Planning to end the Good vs Evil argument once and for all, God tells Satan he's going to resolve it in court.
Satan says "Bad idea. You'll lose." God asks him "What makes you think so?" Satan replies "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"
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"Realism is in how you play, not in the game settings." -Rockin Robbins, Subsim member 
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04-18-2009, 02:16 PM
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#12 |
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SUBSIM Enthusiast
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Land of windmills, tulips, wooden shoes and cheese. Lots of cheese.
Posts: 8,189
Downloads: 48
Uploads: 10
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:rotfl:
Took me a second, but nice one.  * 666 posts and I wind up in a Satan thread. What are the odds?
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04-18-2009, 02:43 PM
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#13 |
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Just A Kid At Heart
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: 600 miles from the nearest ocean.
Posts: 45,409
Downloads: 411
Uploads: 227
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In your case, pretty good!
 Sorry, couldn't resist.:rotfl:
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"Realism is in how you play, not in the game settings." -Rockin Robbins, Subsim member
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04-18-2009, 04:15 PM
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#14 |
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SUBSIM Enthusiast
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Land of windmills, tulips, wooden shoes and cheese. Lots of cheese.
Posts: 8,189
Downloads: 48
Uploads: 10
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:rotfl:
Yeah, I'm the satanic demon spawn from Holland, pretty well known fact.
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04-18-2009, 05:39 PM
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#15 | |
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Weps
 Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 368
Downloads: 0
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Quote:
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: That is hilarious XD
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