The joke thread II - Page 36

Jimbuna · 11-17-18, 06:22 AM

What’s green and Invisible?

This cucumber.

Platapus · 11-17-18, 08:01 AM

Dog 911 Operator : This is dog 911. What is your emergency?

Dog: It's my ball! It rolled under the couch!

Dog 911 Operator: Keep calm. Have you tried barking at it?

Dog: Yes, but it is still stuck under there!

Dog 911 Operator: OMG!

Dog: OMG! OMG!

Jimbuna · 11-18-18, 08:41 AM

Can’t believe how long my Iphone is taking to charge. It’s been soaking in Apple Juice for about 8 hours now but still nothing is coming up on the screen.

Jimbuna · 11-19-18, 06:00 AM

Im selling my roof for free… I guess you can say its on the house!

Jimbuna · 11-19-18, 02:03 PM

An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile walk into McDonalds and interrupt a half-naked man eating a burger. The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, “We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of a hallucinogenic nature, Sir.”

Jimbuna · 11-20-18, 09:44 AM

Got a new job today following in my fathers footsteps… I’ve become a minesweeper.

Jimbuna · 11-21-18, 08:03 AM

We only have 2 minutes left before we die… but every time you breath it resets the clock.

Jimbuna · 11-22-18, 07:44 AM

Spent the whole of last night sitting in bed thinking about the sun and where it comes from …. and then it dawned on me.

Jimbuna · 11-22-18, 10:43 AM

I’ll never forget my first week as a detective, it was terrifying. I kept seeing ghosts at every crime scene but then I found out they actually use white blankets to cover the dead.

Jimbuna · 11-23-18, 06:39 AM

Did you hear about the wheat farmer who got arrested by the police? Apparently for being a cereal killer.

Catfish · 11-23-18, 06:49 AM

VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name
UK: no
VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy
UK: fine

Jimbuna · 11-23-18, 08:09 AM

Bond films to last 30% longer with scenes of his passport being more heavily scrutinised between exotic European locales.

Catfish · 11-23-18, 08:30 AM

^ i see you found the site

Jimbuna · 11-24-18, 07:15 AM

Jimbuna · 11-25-18, 07:15 AM

What if Peter Pan and the lost boys are actually the wondering souls of abortions?

That would explain Captain Hook.

11-17-18, 06:22 AM	#526
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What’s green and Invisible? This cucumber. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-17-18, 08:01 AM	#527
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,936 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Dog 911 Operator : This is dog 911. What is your emergency? Dog: It's my ball! It rolled under the couch! Dog 911 Operator: Keep calm. Have you tried barking at it? Dog: Yes, but it is still stuck under there! Dog 911 Operator: OMG! Dog: OMG! OMG! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-18-18, 08:41 AM	#528
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can’t believe how long my Iphone is taking to charge. It’s been soaking in Apple Juice for about 8 hours now but still nothing is coming up on the screen. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-19-18, 06:00 AM	#529
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Im selling my roof for free… I guess you can say its on the house! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-19-18, 02:03 PM	#530
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile walk into McDonalds and interrupt a half-naked man eating a burger. The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, “We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of a hallucinogenic nature, Sir.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-20-18, 09:44 AM	#531
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got a new job today following in my fathers footsteps… I’ve become a minesweeper. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-21-18, 08:03 AM	#532
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	We only have 2 minutes left before we die… but every time you breath it resets the clock. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-22-18, 07:44 AM	#533
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Spent the whole of last night sitting in bed thinking about the sun and where it comes from …. and then it dawned on me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-22-18, 10:43 AM	#534
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ll never forget my first week as a detective, it was terrifying. I kept seeing ghosts at every crime scene but then I found out they actually use white blankets to cover the dead. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-23-18, 06:39 AM	#535
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the wheat farmer who got arrested by the police? Apparently for being a cereal killer. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-23-18, 06:49 AM	#536
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,893 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name UK: no VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy UK: fine __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

11-23-18, 08:09 AM	#537
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Bond films to last 30% longer with scenes of his passport being more heavily scrutinised between exotic European locales. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-23-18, 08:30 AM	#538
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,893 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^ i see you found the site __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

11-24-18, 07:15 AM	#539
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-25-18, 07:15 AM	#540
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,086 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What if Peter Pan and the lost boys are actually the wondering souls of abortions? That would explain Captain Hook. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)