SUBSIM Radio Room Forums


SUBSIM: The Web's #1 BBS for all submarine and naval simulations since 1997

Go Back   SUBSIM Radio Room Forums > Subsims & Naval Games > Ironclads
Forget password? Reset here

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-18-2016, 09:32 AM   #1
Typical Russian
Totem Games
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 146
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Default Totem Games: Ironclads 2 Philippines 1898. We need help...

We need help in checking the text for the intro to a new game scenarios. Thank in advance.





In the 1890s San Francisco is the largest
seaport of transpacific trade.

American merchant ships are loaded goods here.

A month later, the goods are unloaded in the harbors of Asia. During the voyage ships are forced to replenish supplies only in foreign harbors.

US Navy is ready to protect the interests of American trade. The problem is that no coaling stations and naval bases in the Pacific and Asia...

In the same time Spain's power over its colonies in the Pacific weakened. Philippines rebelled against the metropolis.

Spain almost pacify insurgents, but...

The shocking outcome of the Battle of Manila Bay spurred the Spanish government to organize a relief expedition.

Coming battle between the rising and falling empire!
Typical Russian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2016, 01:49 PM   #2
NeonSamurai
Ocean Warrior
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Socialist Republic of Kanadia
Posts: 3,047
Downloads: 16
Uploads: 0


Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Typical Russian View Post
We need help in checking the text for the intro to a new game scenarios. Thank in advance.





In the 1890s San Francisco is the largest
seaport of transpacific trade.

American merchant ships are loaded goods here.

A month later, the goods are unloaded in the harbors of Asia. During the voyage ships are forced to replenish supplies only in foreign harbors.

US Navy is ready to protect the interests of American trade. The problem is that no coaling stations and naval bases in the Pacific and Asia...

In the same time Spain's power over its colonies in the Pacific weakened. Philippines rebelled against the metropolis.

Spain almost pacify insurgents, but...

The shocking outcome of the Battle of Manila Bay spurred the Spanish government to organize a relief expedition.

Coming battle between the rising and falling empire!

In The 1890s San Francisco was the largest seaport for transpacific trade in the world.

American merchant ships loaded their goods at San Francisco.

A month later, the goods would be unloaded in the harbors of Asia.

During the voyage, American ships could only replenish supplies from foreign harbors, which was costly.

The US Navy, though ready to protect American trade interests, faced the problem of having neither coaling stations, nor any American naval bases in the Asia-Pacific region.

Meanwhile, Spain was loosing power over its colonies in the Pacific. In the Philippines, rebel forces had rose up and attacked Manila.

Spain attempted to pacify the insurgents, but...

The shocking outcome of the Battle of Manila Bay spurred the Spanish government to organize a relief expedition to the Philippines.

This set the stage for the coming battle between these two empires!

(edited to make it fit better with the video)

Last edited by NeonSamurai; 07-18-2016 at 02:56 PM.
NeonSamurai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2016, 07:04 PM   #3
em2nought
The Old Man
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,300
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonSamurai View Post
Meanwhile, Spain was losing power over its colonies in the Pacific.
...and Spanish American War! Awesome!
__________________
Time to Dump the Tea in the Potomac
em2nought is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2016, 10:34 PM   #4
NeonSamurai
Ocean Warrior
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Socialist Republic of Kanadia
Posts: 3,047
Downloads: 16
Uploads: 0


Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by em2nought View Post
...and Spanish American War! Awesome!
It wasn't losing at that time, it was only the first battle (Manila Bay) that it lost, and the US was having a lot of problems too at the time :P
NeonSamurai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2016, 01:47 AM   #5
em2nought
The Old Man
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,300
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonSamurai View Post
It wasn't losing at that time, it was only the first battle (Manila Bay) that it lost, and the US was having a lot of problems too at the time :P
I was just correcting the one spelling error pal, unless you mean Spain was getting all jiggly?

addendum: Maybe it should be "had risen" instead of "had rose" also, but grammar isn't a strong point of mine.
__________________
Time to Dump the Tea in the Potomac

Last edited by em2nought; 07-19-2016 at 01:56 AM. Reason: addendum
em2nought is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2016, 05:40 AM   #6
Typical Russian
Totem Games
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 146
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Default

Many thanks! I corrected video. Also, I broke subtitles for short frames. But I'm not sure what is right divided the long sentences in the two separate frame. I have read the rules for writing subtitles. Do not use more than two lines in one frame. Maybe we need to replace long sentences in two separate short sentences?




1st frame: The US Navy, though ready to protect American trade interests, faced the problem of having neither...
<break>
2nd frame: coaling stations, nor any American naval bases in the Asia-Pacific region.

1st frame: The shocking outcome of the Battle of Manila Bay spurred the Spanish...
<break>
2nd frame: government to organize a relief expedition to the Philippines.

Last edited by Typical Russian; 07-19-2016 at 07:20 AM.
Typical Russian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2016, 10:05 AM   #7
Sailor Steve
Jammin' Again
 
Sailor Steve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: High in the mountains of Utah
Posts: 49,254
Downloads: 601
Uploads: 246


Default

NeonSamurai's corrections work quite well, but I noticed one serious (well, to me anyway) typo that he missed. It should be "trans-Pacific".

[edit] And a typo by Neon - "Spain was losing power...", not "loosing".

[edit] And yes, it should be either "rebel forces had risen" or "rebel forces rose up".
__________________
"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it."
-Joseph Joubert




Last edited by Sailor Steve; 07-19-2016 at 10:13 AM.
Sailor Steve is online   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2016, 03:33 AM   #8
Typical Russian
Totem Games
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 146
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Default

How to divide these sentense into two separate?


The US Navy, though ready to protect American trade interests, faced the problem of having neither coaling stations, nor any American naval bases in the Asia-Pacific region.

The shocking outcome of the Battle of Manila Bay spurred the Spanish government to organize a relief expedition to the Philippines.
Typical Russian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2016, 10:08 AM   #9
NeonSamurai
Ocean Warrior
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Socialist Republic of Kanadia
Posts: 3,047
Downloads: 16
Uploads: 0


Default

The US Navy was ready to protect American trade interests...

But the Navy faced the problem of having neither coaling stations, nor any American naval bases in the Asia-Pacific region.


The shocking outcome of the Battle of Manila Bay...

Spurred the Spanish government to organize a relief expedition to the Philippines.

Last edited by NeonSamurai; 07-20-2016 at 03:10 PM.
NeonSamurai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2016, 11:48 AM   #10
Sailor Steve
Jammin' Again
 
Sailor Steve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: High in the mountains of Utah
Posts: 49,254
Downloads: 601
Uploads: 246


Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonSamurai View Post
The US Navy, was ready to protect American trade interests.
Comma should not be used there.

Quote:
But the Navy faced the problem of having neither coaling stations, nor any American naval bases in the Asia-Pacific region.
Never begin a sentence with "but".

I think Neon's original wording is best. If it needs to be divided between two separate frames, a simple "..." after the first phrase would do.

The US Navy, though ready to protect American trade interests...

Faced the problem of having neither coaling stations, nor any American naval bases in the Asia-Pacific region.

[edit] On second thought, Neon's suggestion here could also work the same way, with a little tweaking:

The U.S. Navy was ready to protect American trade interests...

But the navy faced the problem of having neither coaling stations nor any American naval bases in the Asia-Pacific region.



Quote:
The shocking outcome of the Battle of Manila Bay...

Spurred the Spanish government to organize a relief expedition to the Philippines.
That one looks perfect to me.
__________________
"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it."
-Joseph Joubert



Sailor Steve is online   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2016, 03:08 PM   #11
NeonSamurai
Ocean Warrior
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Socialist Republic of Kanadia
Posts: 3,047
Downloads: 16
Uploads: 0


Default

Fixed

Now go back to aiding Ms. Trump with her speeches
NeonSamurai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2016, 05:10 PM   #12
Sailor Steve
Jammin' Again
 
Sailor Steve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: High in the mountains of Utah
Posts: 49,254
Downloads: 601
Uploads: 246


Default






Oh, and
__________________
"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it."
-Joseph Joubert



Sailor Steve is online   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2016, 05:22 PM   #13
Onkel Neal
Born to Run Silent
 
Onkel Neal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 1997
Location: Cougar Trap, Texas
Posts: 16,746
Downloads: 384
Uploads: 194


Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Typical Russian View Post
We need help in checking the text for the intro to a new game scenarios. Thank in advance.





In the 1890s San Francisco is the largest
seaport of transpacific trade.
e!
Be sure to post a link to the finished video here, I can add it to the Subsim main page
__________________
.


My work will never be done, because people will always need to subsim
Onkel Neal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2016, 09:43 AM   #14
Typical Russian
Totem Games
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 146
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Default

Gentlemen, we are very grateful to you for your help!

The publication of this video is still premature. We are preparing the materials for the new game. Then we want to place them on Steam Greenlight. That's when we need your support.
Typical Russian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2017, 11:40 PM   #15
em2nought
The Old Man
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,300
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Default

It's almost been a year since the last report. So, when am I going to be able to tell Gridley to fire when ready?
__________________
Time to Dump the Tea in the Potomac
em2nought is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:45 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 1997- 2017 Subsim