The joke thread II - Page 28

Johndee · 09-24-18, 09:33 PM

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Jimbuna · 09-25-18, 04:46 AM

There’s nothing more entertaining than going to watch a marathon live. My favorite part is the reaction of the runner’s face when I give him a cup of vodka.

Jimbuna · 09-25-18, 11:37 AM

Just signed a £250,000 per week contract to play for Manchester United.

I just need to get them to sign it now.

Platapus · 09-25-18, 04:13 PM

I lived in a tough neighborhood

I bought a waterbed and found a guy tied up at the bottom of it.

It was a tough neighborhood

Jimbuna · 09-26-18, 05:06 AM

Patient: Doctor please help me. I keep thinking I’m John McEnroe!
Doctor: You can’t be serious!!

Platapus · 09-26-18, 04:47 PM

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

It was a tough neighborhood

Jimbuna · 09-27-18, 06:12 AM

Tesco Value Burgers – Low in fat high in Shergar.

What do you put on your burgers? A fiver each way.

Jimbuna · 09-27-18, 08:40 AM

I was cleaning out my late german grandfathers closet and decided to give all his old clothes to a charity shop. I handed over the bag of clothes to the assistant who was rummaging through it when a horrified expression formed on her face. How dare you bring this uniform in to my shop exclaimed angrily this is a symbol of pain shame and humiliation get out of my shop now hugely embarrased at this turn of events I quickly took back the bag. “I'm truly sorry“ I said I had no idea he was a SUNDERLAND FAN!!!

Jimbuna · 09-28-18, 05:08 AM

Since his release on bail Oscar Pistorious has decided to spend the weekend clay pigeon shooting to relax. So far he’s accidentally killed 2 elephants and shot a Jeep that was on safari.

Platapus · 09-28-18, 03:12 PM

The first time I met my wife I suavely asked her what her sign was

"Dollar"

I thought she was kidding.

Jimbuna · 09-29-18, 12:54 PM

Apparently racist chanting was heard at the England training ground earlier today. The FA have threatened to remove John Terry from the squad if he does it again.

mikesn9 · 10-08-18, 05:42 AM

Awfully quiet here.

Eisenwurst · 10-08-18, 06:50 AM

An Australian joke, not sure if this happens in other countries.

"What do you find on the roof of Macdonalds???"

The answer.... pickles.

mikesn9 · 10-08-18, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eisenwurst

An Australian joke, not sure if this happens in other countries.

"What do you find on the roof of Macdonalds???"

The answer.... pickles.

I'm lost.. I guess it doesn't happen here.. or at least to me..

Platapus · 10-08-18, 02:52 PM

Being a Teenage Boy is tough.

One of the toughest parts is walking past the priests and they don't give you a second look any more

09-25-18, 04:46 AM	#407
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,103 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	There’s nothing more entertaining than going to watch a marathon live. My favorite part is the reaction of the runner’s face when I give him a cup of vodka. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-25-18, 11:37 AM	#408
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,103 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just signed a £250,000 per week contract to play for Manchester United. I just need to get them to sign it now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-25-18, 04:13 PM	#409
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,939 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I lived in a tough neighborhood I bought a waterbed and found a guy tied up at the bottom of it. It was a tough neighborhood __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-26-18, 05:06 AM	#410
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,103 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Patient: Doctor please help me. I keep thinking I’m John McEnroe! Doctor: You can’t be serious!! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-26-18, 04:47 PM	#411
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,939 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. It was a tough neighborhood __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-24-18, 09:33 PM	#406
Johndee Swabbie Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 7 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

09-27-18, 06:12 AM	#412
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,103 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Tesco Value Burgers – Low in fat high in Shergar. What do you put on your burgers? A fiver each way. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-27-18, 08:40 AM	#413
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,103 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I was cleaning out my late german grandfathers closet and decided to give all his old clothes to a charity shop. I handed over the bag of clothes to the assistant who was rummaging through it when a horrified expression formed on her face. How dare you bring this uniform in to my shop exclaimed angrily this is a symbol of pain shame and humiliation get out of my shop now hugely embarrased at this turn of events I quickly took back the bag. “I'm truly sorry“ I said I had no idea he was a SUNDERLAND FAN!!! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-28-18, 05:08 AM	#414
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,103 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Since his release on bail Oscar Pistorious has decided to spend the weekend clay pigeon shooting to relax. So far he’s accidentally killed 2 elephants and shot a Jeep that was on safari. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-28-18, 03:12 PM	#415
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,939 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The first time I met my wife I suavely asked her what her sign was "Dollar" I thought she was kidding. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-29-18, 12:54 PM	#416
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,103 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Apparently racist chanting was heard at the England training ground earlier today. The FA have threatened to remove John Terry from the squad if he does it again. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-08-18, 05:42 AM	#417
mikesn9 Sonar Guy Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Sarasota Florida Posts: 390 Downloads: 68 Uploads: 0	Anyone Home? Awfully quiet here.

10-08-18, 06:50 AM	#418
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,593 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	An Australian joke, not sure if this happens in other countries. "What do you find on the roof of Macdonalds???" The answer.... pickles. __________________

10-08-18, 02:52 PM	#420
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,939 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Being a Teenage Boy is tough. One of the toughest parts is walking past the priests and they don't give you a second look any more __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.