Gripe sheet

Kapitan · 12-13-08, 04:33 PM

This is apparently from the mantinance records of qantas airlines of australia its funny so i thought id share.

Airline Maintenance, Quantas
March 7th, 2008

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct & inspect the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Fincuan · 12-13-08, 04:52 PM

Probably not from Quantas because it's dated 2008 and I've first seen exactly the same list around 2003, but still extremely funny :rotfl:

Dowly · 12-13-08, 05:34 PM

Yeh, this an old one, but makes me laugh everytime.

:rotfl:

Raptor1 · 12-13-08, 05:43 PM

Yup, old but funny :rotfl:

XabbaRus · 12-14-08, 05:40 PM

and Quantas have had 2 accidents this year.

baggygreen · 12-14-08, 07:03 PM

Actually, Qantas have had about 6 incidents this year, but I wonder how many of them have only attracted media attention because of the 1st incident over the South China Sea.

Fact of the matter is, since Qantas began outsourcing their maintenance to Malaysia there have been more maintenance-related delays and a higher number of reported incidents than when all maintenance was done here.

I don't like flying with them anyway though, hostesses are all old and crabby, and the aircraft they use are 'well worn'. I'll take Virgin any day.

12-13-08, 04:33 PM	#1
Kapitan Sub Test Pilot Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: UK + Canada Posts: 7,090 Downloads: 68 Uploads: 7	Gripe sheet This is apparently from the mantinance records of qantas airlines of australia its funny so i thought id share. Airline Maintenance, Quantas March 7th, 2008 After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct & inspect the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you’re right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget __________________ DONT FORGET if you like a post to nominate it by using the blue diamond Find out about Museum Ships here: https://www.museumships.us/ Flickr for all my pictures: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131313936@N03/ Navy general board articles: https://www.navygeneralboard.com/author/aegis/

12-13-08, 05:43 PM	#4
Raptor1 Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Stavka Posts: 8,211 Downloads: 13 Uploads: 0	Yup, old but funny :rotfl: __________________ Current Eastern Front status: Probable Victory

12-14-08, 05:40 PM	#5
XabbaRus Navy Seal Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,330 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	and Quantas have had 2 accidents this year. __________________

12-13-08, 04:52 PM	#2
Fincuan Admiral Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Suomi, sauna, puukko, perkele Posts: 2,346 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	Probably not from Quantas because it's dated 2008 and I've first seen exactly the same list around 2003, but still extremely funny :rotfl:

12-13-08, 05:34 PM	#3
Dowly Lucky Jack Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Finland Posts: 25,005 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	Yeh, this an old one, but makes me laugh everytime. :rotfl:

12-14-08, 07:03 PM	#6
baggygreen Sea Lord Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canberra, ACT, Down Under (really On Top) Posts: 1,880 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	Actually, Qantas have had about 6 incidents this year, but I wonder how many of them have only attracted media attention because of the 1st incident over the South China Sea. Fact of the matter is, since Qantas began outsourcing their maintenance to Malaysia there have been more maintenance-related delays and a higher number of reported incidents than when all maintenance was done here. I don't like flying with them anyway though, hostesses are all old and crabby, and the aircraft they use are 'well worn'. I'll take Virgin any day.