The joke thread II - Page 27

Jimbuna · 09-18-18, 09:53 AM

My local church have now installed Wi-Fi to help improve communication. Are they finally admitting praying doesn’t work?

Jimbuna · 09-19-18, 07:56 AM

God: I’m gonna create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!
Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*
God: Correction, I’m gonna create a great flood!

Platapus · 09-19-18, 03:40 PM

I interviewed 100 women about what they felt was most important in selecting a shampoo.

The number one answer was "What are you doing in my bathroom, get out you pervert!"

09-19-18, 03:43 PM

I would have shamelessly exploited that.

Platapus · 09-19-18, 04:07 PM

It was at the start of our second date. Right away she said those three special words. Sure I had heard them before, but with her, I knew it would be different.

"That's him, Officer"

Jimbuna · 09-20-18, 07:54 AM

Platapus · 09-20-18, 03:14 PM

I grew up in a tough neighborhood.

When my English teacher asked me "What comes after a sentence."?

I told her "you file an appeal".

It was a tough neighborhood.

Jimbuna · 09-21-18, 05:35 AM

Genesis 1:13 “And on the 3rd day God created the land for all the animals to share but he decided to make a special piece of land called Antarctica just for penguins because he liked them and thought they were cute.”

Platapus · 09-21-18, 03:38 PM

I came from a tough neighborhood.

It wasn't until I moved, that I learned that a PBJ was something kids ate.

It was a tough neighborhood.

Jimbuna · 09-22-18, 07:10 AM

Just seen a bishop walking in the street which was strange because he wasn’t walking diagonally.

Platapus · 09-22-18, 09:20 AM

I told my wife that I was hiring a new secretary

She told me that I better hire one that was old, fat, and ugly and that she did not want me to hire anyone I would be tempted to have sex with.

I asked my wife when could she start.

Jimbuna · 09-23-18, 05:11 AM

My first day back at the gym today went well. I did 20 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes on the defibrillator and then 3 days in the hospital.

Platapus · 09-23-18, 06:46 AM

I lived in a tough neighborhood

At the local restaurant, the chef's special was Broken Leg of Lamb.

It was a tough neighborhood.

Jimbuna · 09-24-18, 08:54 AM

A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.

Platapus · 09-24-18, 04:06 PM

And my other daughter?

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to being in the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

09-18-18, 09:53 AM	#391
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,934 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My local church have now installed Wi-Fi to help improve communication. Are they finally admitting praying doesn’t work? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-19-18, 07:56 AM	#392
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,934 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	God: I’m gonna create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die! Fish: Winks at God and slips him a $20 note God: Correction, I’m gonna create a great flood! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-19-18, 03:40 PM	#393
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,925 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I interviewed 100 women about what they felt was most important in selecting a shampoo. The number one answer was "What are you doing in my bathroom, get out you pervert!" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-19-18, 04:07 PM	#395
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,925 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	It was at the start of our second date. Right away she said those three special words. Sure I had heard them before, but with her, I knew it would be different. "That's him, Officer" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-20-18, 07:54 AM	#396
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,934 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-19-18, 03:43 PM	#394
Bleiente Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	I would have shamelessly exploited that.

09-20-18, 03:14 PM	#397
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,925 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I grew up in a tough neighborhood. When my English teacher asked me "What comes after a sentence."? I told her "you file an appeal". It was a tough neighborhood. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-21-18, 05:35 AM	#398
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,934 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Genesis 1:13 “And on the 3rd day God created the land for all the animals to share but he decided to make a special piece of land called Antarctica just for penguins because he liked them and thought they were cute.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-21-18, 03:38 PM	#399
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,925 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I came from a tough neighborhood. It wasn't until I moved, that I learned that a PBJ was something kids ate. It was a tough neighborhood. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-22-18, 07:10 AM	#400
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,934 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just seen a bishop walking in the street which was strange because he wasn’t walking diagonally. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-22-18, 09:20 AM	#401
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,925 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I told my wife that I was hiring a new secretary She told me that I better hire one that was old, fat, and ugly and that she did not want me to hire anyone I would be tempted to have sex with. I asked my wife when could she start. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. Last edited by Platapus; 09-22-18 at 02:33 PM.

09-23-18, 05:11 AM	#402
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,934 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My first day back at the gym today went well. I did 20 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes on the defibrillator and then 3 days in the hospital. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-23-18, 06:46 AM	#403
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,925 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I lived in a tough neighborhood At the local restaurant, the chef's special was Broken Leg of Lamb. It was a tough neighborhood. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-24-18, 08:54 AM	#404
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,934 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-24-18, 04:06 PM	#405
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,925 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	And my other daughter? She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to being in the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

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