THE WIENER FILES

[Walter Kurtz]

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Walter Kurtz. I have been involved in U Boat simulation as a player for going on 21 years now. I have been a member of many groups, forums, online flotillas, etc. etc. etc. Being a bit of a non conformist I always thoroughly enjoyed being out on the fringes of acceptable, normal, typical role play and character development. Sadly, there is no longer an outlet where humor, sarcasm and creativity is encouraged. So I will attempt to satisfy my need for quirky-historical SHIII campaign role play in a blog like thread. I give you.... THE WIENER FILES!

The Wiener Files will be a sort of chronicle of the career of one LTzs Ottokar Wiener; his bio, patrol exploits as well as his exploits ashore. These will be taken from different sources; communiques, letters, messages, newspaper articles, commander's journal, official reports etc. All contributing to the story of the anti hero commander of U100 "Simple Otto" Wiener.

I invite you now to peek into a world unlike the stiflingly regulated and stuffy world of the pure SHIII campaign flotilla... the "Far Side," the "Outer Limits" of SHIII gaming... THE WIENER FILES.

[Walter Kurtz]

ADDENDUM TO KM PERSONNEL FILE:

Soon after Wiener was born his family moved to the Wurst District of Frankfurt. Ottokar was the only son of Oscar M. and Hilda Wiener. His childhood was normal if not mundane or unremarkable. Early on Wiener showed absolutely no interest in sports or any outdoor activities of any kind. His main interests revolved around the creation and maintaining of a sizeable earthworm farm.

His father is employed in the industrial sanitation firm owned and operated by Ernst Crapp. Oscar Wiener drives an offal and refuse collection truck serving the local meat processing plants in the greater Frankfurt area. Complaints were filed against him by his neighbors alleging that an awful odor emanated from the Wiener home. Subsequent investigation revealed that the Wiener family was involved in an unlicensed, cash only, under the table sausage business commonly referred to as "Wiener's Sausage Fest" among Frankfurt's more colorful citizens. Surprisingly charges were not filed in the case. It is reported that the Wieners dodged prosecution by relinquishing the family recipe for spleen and testicle sausage to a local Wurster… Herbert Johnsonville; who then in turn bribed local law enforcement. Wiener's Sausage Fest continues operations.

Ottokar was an average student in both primary and secondary education. Continually but unsuccessfully trying to find ways to merge his love for sausage and worms to create a viable business career, Wiener's attention shifted to the Kriegsmarine. Thanks to the tragic loss of a significant number of officer candidates due to a mysterious food poisoning incident in March of 1934, Wiener is able to enter the officer training pipeline. He eventually shows himself to be a nearly capable cadet. Passing his exams by a virtually microscopic margin Wiener enters naval service and immediately volunteers for service in U Boats. He was quoted to have said, "I am naturally inclined toward service inside a tube." Another mysterious outbreak of apparent food poisoning preceded his acceptance. In the Ubootwaffe Wiener has blossomed into a capable if rather unimaginative officer and leader.

[Niume]

Moar

[BigWalleye]

Thank you, Walter Kurtz! We need more Weiner jokes! Is Carlos in danger?

And it's good to know that there IS Hope in Idaho.

[Sailor Steve]

Great start! It's been a long time since we've had an ongoing story made from sub gaming adventures.

I've heard that Oscar M. Wiener was a bit of an adventurer in his younger days - a real hot dog, you might say - but I've never found anything verifiable, just rumors and stories. If you can offer some insights into his background I'd be grateful.

[BigWalleye]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

I've heard that Oscar M. Wiener was a bit of an adventurer in his younger days - a real hot dog, you might say ...

Some Weiner jokes are good, some are bad.

That was the wurst. <rimshot>

(It was a dirty job, but somebody had to do it.)

[Walter Kurtz]

30 Oktober, 1939.

TO: Commander, Uflotte 7
FM: KK Egon Tesla, Flotilla Engineer

Subject: U100 Combat Loadout.

1. Sir, I report U100 fully armed, provisioned and ready for patrol. One item included in, of all things, the provisions manifest was the entry 10,000 earthworms. Also puzzling to me was 1/2 ton of topsoil included in the technical manifest. When asked about this peculiar item the boat's engineer remarked that it was to be used for auxiliary ballast evenly distributed throughout the boat's compartments. I believe that this deviation from standard loadout should be brought to your attention.

Very Respectfully,
Tesla

[CTU_Clay]

To: U100

Good Luck Sir! Happy Hunting!