The joke thread II - Page 30

Jimbuna · 10-18-18, 09:09 AM

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Platapus · 10-18-18, 05:23 PM

I had a bad day today

When I was putting on a shirt a button fell off
When I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off

I am afraid to go to the bathroom!

Catfish · 10-19-18, 03:13 AM

Link to german jokes:
https://www.reddit.com/r/germanhumor

Catfish · 10-19-18, 05:10 AM

My dog used to chase after people on a bike,
until I took it away from him.

Catfish · 10-19-18, 05:13 AM

A german in England:
"Can I have a bloody steak, please?"
"Would you like some f'king potatos with it?"

Jimbuna · 10-19-18, 07:10 AM

Just discovered I have superpowers. I can actually melt ice cubes by staring at them. It takes me quite a long time though.

Platapus · 10-19-18, 04:28 PM

Did you hear about the two old ladies who went for a tramp in the woods?

He had a good time.

Eisenwurst · 10-20-18, 02:42 AM

An Electoral Polling question......

"... and now sir, how do you view lesbian relationships?"

To which I truthfully answered....

" In HQ ".

Jimbuna · 10-20-18, 07:32 AM

Yesterday my boss told me “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want”. Today when I turned up at the office dressed like a Ghostbuster he told me I was fired.

Platapus · 10-20-18, 08:05 PM

My wife and I sleep in different bedrooms; we take separate vacations; and we each hang out with our own sets of friends.

We are doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Jimbuna · 10-21-18, 06:16 AM

Got attacked by a group of mime artists last night. They did unspeakable acts to me.

Platapus · 10-21-18, 06:44 AM

I was having my annual physical and this time I had a rather attractive doctor doing the examination. Near the end of the examination she asked me, "Are you currently seeing anyone?"

Well I did not expect this, and especially from an attractive woman. With a thrill I told her that no, I wasn't'.

She said "I am really surprised to hear that from a man like you in your condition".

Flattered and with a smile, I asked her why?

She replied "Because I am standing right in front of you. I think I need to refer you to an eye doctor for an exam

Jimbuna · 10-21-18, 07:12 AM

^

Jimbuna · 10-22-18, 12:42 PM

Fun idea. If you have no kids hire a babysitter anyway and tell them the kids are asleep upstairs and not to be disturbed. When you come home ask them why the kids are missing.

Platapus · 10-22-18, 04:16 PM

Now that's just cruel

10-18-18, 09:09 AM	#436
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,900 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-18-18, 05:23 PM	#437
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,922 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I had a bad day today When I was putting on a shirt a button fell off When I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off I am afraid to go to the bathroom! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-19-18, 03:13 AM	#438
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,892 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Link to german jokes: https://www.reddit.com/r/germanhumor __________________ >^..^<)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. Last edited by Catfish; 10-19-18 at 05:11 AM.*

10-19-18, 05:10 AM	#439
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,892 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	My dog used to chase after people on a bike, until I took it away from him. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

10-19-18, 05:13 AM	#440
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,892 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	A german in England: "Can I have a bloody steak, please?" "Would you like some f'king potatos with it?" __________________ >^..^<)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. Last edited by Catfish; 10-19-18 at 06:29 AM.*

10-19-18, 07:10 AM	#441
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,900 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just discovered I have superpowers. I can actually melt ice cubes by staring at them. It takes me quite a long time though. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-19-18, 04:28 PM	#442
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,922 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Did you hear about the two old ladies who went for a tramp in the woods? He had a good time. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-20-18, 02:42 AM	#443
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,578 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	An Electoral Polling question...... "... and now sir, how do you view lesbian relationships?" To which I truthfully answered.... " In HQ ". __________________

10-20-18, 07:32 AM	#444
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,900 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yesterday my boss told me “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want”. Today when I turned up at the office dressed like a Ghostbuster he told me I was fired. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-20-18, 08:05 PM	#445
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,922 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife and I sleep in different bedrooms; we take separate vacations; and we each hang out with our own sets of friends. We are doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-21-18, 06:16 AM	#446
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,900 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got attacked by a group of mime artists last night. They did unspeakable acts to me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-21-18, 06:44 AM	#447
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,922 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I was having my annual physical and this time I had a rather attractive doctor doing the examination. Near the end of the examination she asked me, "Are you currently seeing anyone?" Well I did not expect this, and especially from an attractive woman. With a thrill I told her that no, I wasn't'. She said "I am really surprised to hear that from a man like you in your condition". Flattered and with a smile, I asked her why? She replied "Because I am standing right in front of you. I think I need to refer you to an eye doctor for an exam __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-21-18, 07:12 AM	#448
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,900 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	^ __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-22-18, 12:42 PM	#449
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 180,900 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Fun idea. If you have no kids hire a babysitter anyway and tell them the kids are asleep upstairs and not to be disturbed. When you come home ask them why the kids are missing. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-22-18, 04:16 PM	#450
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,922 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Now that's just cruel __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

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