The joke thread II - Page 18

Platapus · 07-12-18, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

You related to my cat?

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...&postcount=330

DOH!

Jimbuna · 07-13-18, 06:24 AM

After receiving a $5 billion donation from the Brazilian government Fifa have just announced that they would like to congratulate Brazil on winning the 2022 World Cup 3-1 against Argentina on 13th July 2022.

magic452 · 07-14-18, 12:39 AM

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.

“Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million ... and I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary.

Magic

Jimbuna · 07-14-18, 05:54 AM

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day in December.

Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

Jimbuna · 07-15-18, 07:50 AM

Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me.

Miketney · 07-16-18, 05:43 AM

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon..

I'll let you know..

Miketney · 07-16-18, 05:44 AM

I had my leg x-rayed today..

The doctor told me, "Your patella measures 2.54 cm."

By surprise I said, "Inch high knees?"

The doctor replied, "披萨卷披萨卷2.54披萨卷."

Miketney · 07-16-18, 05:45 AM

I saw 2 guys wearing matching outfits and asked if they were gay..

They arrested me.

By the way, just in case anyone’s interested, my friend Sam is selling a few 26 Inch Lexani Rims. If anyone’s interested, feel free to PM me.

Jimbuna · 07-16-18, 10:35 AM

After visiting our house my mother-in-law got ambushed by 6 men who starting punching her. My wife shouted “Are you gonna help?”, I said “6 should be enough!”

Catfish · 07-17-18, 04:18 AM

News from the brexit department:
"Trump advised us to sue the EU, and Putin advised us to poison the other 27 leaders."

Jimbuna · 07-17-18, 09:50 AM

My wife left a note on the fridge this morning saying “This is not working, goodbye”. Just opened the fridge and it’s working fine, very strange!

Jimbuna · 07-18-18, 07:32 AM

Girlfriend just told me she doesn’t care what she gets for Christmas as long as it has diamonds in it.

A pack of playing cards it is then.

Jimbuna · 07-19-18, 07:31 AM

My wife was complaining the other day saying that I never take her anywhere expensive anymore. So I said “come on, get in the car we’re going to the petrol station”.

Jimbuna · 07-20-18, 05:31 AM

Whenever it rains, my wife just stands at the window looking kind of sad.
Maybe I should let her in.

Jimbuna · 07-21-18, 06:24 AM

After years of marriage I’ve learnt that you can tell a lot about a woman just from her hands. When she’s holding a frying pan and waving it around that usually means she’s angry.

07-13-18, 06:24 AM	#257
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After receiving a $5 billion donation from the Brazilian government Fifa have just announced that they would like to congratulate Brazil on winning the 2022 World Cup 3-1 against Argentina on 13th July 2022. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-14-18, 12:39 AM	#258
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client. “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news." The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first." The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million ... and I think she could be right." Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?" The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary. Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

07-14-18, 05:54 AM	#259
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day in December. Wife: “Windows frozen.” Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.” Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-15-18, 07:50 AM	#260
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-16-18, 05:45 AM	#263
Miketney Swabbie Join Date: Jul 2018 Location: Tampa, Florida Posts: 8 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I saw 2 guys wearing matching outfits and asked if they were gay.. They arrested me. By the way, just in case anyone’s interested, my friend Sam is selling a few 26 Inch Lexani Rims. If anyone’s interested, feel free to PM me. Last edited by Miketney; 12-20-19 at 06:19 PM.

07-16-18, 05:43 AM	#261
Miketney Swabbie Join Date: Jul 2018 Location: Tampa, Florida Posts: 8 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.. I'll let you know..

07-16-18, 05:44 AM	#262
Miketney Swabbie Join Date: Jul 2018 Location: Tampa, Florida Posts: 8 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I had my leg x-rayed today.. The doctor told me, "Your patella measures 2.54 cm." By surprise I said, "Inch high knees?" The doctor replied, "披萨卷披萨卷2.54披萨卷."

07-16-18, 10:35 AM	#264
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After visiting our house my mother-in-law got ambushed by 6 men who starting punching her. My wife shouted “Are you gonna help?”, I said “6 should be enough!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-17-18, 04:18 AM	#265
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	News from the brexit department: "Trump advised us to sue the EU, and Putin advised us to poison the other 27 leaders." __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

07-17-18, 09:50 AM	#266
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife left a note on the fridge this morning saying “This is not working, goodbye”. Just opened the fridge and it’s working fine, very strange! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-18-18, 07:32 AM	#267
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Girlfriend just told me she doesn’t care what she gets for Christmas as long as it has diamonds in it. A pack of playing cards it is then. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-19-18, 07:31 AM	#268
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife was complaining the other day saying that I never take her anywhere expensive anymore. So I said “come on, get in the car we’re going to the petrol station”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-20-18, 05:31 AM	#269
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Whenever it rains, my wife just stands at the window looking kind of sad. Maybe I should let her in. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-21-18, 06:24 AM	#270
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,146 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After years of marriage I’ve learnt that you can tell a lot about a woman just from her hands. When she’s holding a frying pan and waving it around that usually means she’s angry. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)