2018 Subsim Fantasy Football Season - It Begins

[Gut Wrench]

BLACK CATS GHOSTING AWAY
Nighthawks Obliterate Cats


Week Eight in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. One week after the infamous "beergate" incident, the focus has now turned to Coach FYC and the Black cats with the question being asked - what happened in Carolina? We'll ask who's the next team to put up the highest score of the week against the Taipans, and we'll ask when will the Guns of Hochuli get a break.

Before we do any of that, let's get to the most important message you'll hear all week.


NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.



Something smells in the Carolina's and it's the aroma of dead cats roasting under artillery fire. Count them - one, two, three players form the Black Cats were delayed form attending the game due to the fracas at Atlantic City after the Black cats were celebrating their recent performance. The entire wide receiving corps of Julio Jones, Keenan Allen and Amari Cooper failed to report to the plane leaving the team three short for the game. The Nighthawks, knowing that within their division the for and against may prove pivotal in the final seeding, showed up and played their high standard game. Nighthawks obliterate the Black Cats in one of the biggest blow outs of the year, 157 - 93.

The Taipans were wishing that their opponents would occasionally leave some of their players home as they lose their fourth game of the season to the team that puts up the highest score of the week. Taipans are scoring points but again, not able to put away their opponents. The Black Cats, after last weeks "incident" were focused strictly on football and they showed it with Stefan Diggs (WR) going for over 30 points. Black cats were on the cusp of winning three (3) Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) in a row for the first time in the history of the Torpedo Bowl but it was not to be. With a close match yup until Monday Night, the Monkeys had put all their eggs in one basket and scored over 30 points to comfortable win with the highest score of the week. Drunk Monkeys advance with a win over divisional opponents the Taipans 187 - 160 which now has play off implications.

Staying out on the east coast, the Guns of Hochuli were hosting the Who Dat Nation this week in what was being billed as a must win for both teams. The Nation has not been able to cement their dominance int he Surface Skimmers division and the Guns of Hochuli have had a shocking run of luck, which unfortunately, continued this week. The Gunners David Johnson (RB) failed to cross for a single touchdown this week, which is indicative of the Gunners season. The Nation, having stayed out east following last weeks game, were able to take an early lead and just continue to march their way forward, staying in front of the Gunners. The Guns of Hochuli fall to the visiting Who Dat Nation 168 - 149 and set up our second play off scenario of the week.

Now, having completed all games, the Surface Skimmers Division this week was in part decided by the Sub Simmers. The Drunk Monkeys win over the Australian Taipans keep them at the top of the league at 7-1. The loss by the Australian Taipans and the Guns of Hochuli keep them at below .500% respectively at 3-5 and 2-6. With a four game lead over the Taipans, the Drunk Monkeys are just one game away from clinching a play off berth. At the same time, the Guns of Hochuli remain in contention for the Championship Division sitting two games back of the Helmand Nighthawks.

In the Sub Simmers division the wins by the Who Dat Nation and the Helmand Nighthawks lift both teams respectively to 5-3 and 4-4. These two teams still have to play each other late int he season and may end up deciding the fate of the division. The Black cats, after what can only be described as coughing up a massive fur ball this week, slip back to 3-5, but loose the count back to the Australian Taipans for the #4 seeding. The Black cats are in the harder division but the Taipans still have to play everyone else in the Surface Skimmers division. These positions, which include the Divisional Champion, are still available for the Black Cats to claw their way in. Wild weeks ahead in the Sub Simmers division.

Next week we go across the pond again as the Helmand Nighthawks host the Drunk Monkeys. the Monkeys can clinch a play off berth with a win, but the Nighthawks who are tracking one game behind the Who Dat Nation need the win to help their chances of the Divisional Champion. This game has all the makings of a shoot out, as the Monkeys get ready to go for eight wins in a row. Should be exciting, if everyone shows up on time. Remember, games at Wembley start early. And lets not forget that next weekend Daylight Savings time ends in the Northern Hemisphere.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 219 passing yards for 2 touchdowns and rushing for 52yards and 1 touchdown, for a total score of 31.96 points, the ASW are proud to present Cam Newton (QB) of the Who Dat Nation the Week Eight MVT.

[Gut Wrench]

MONKEYS AND NIGHTHAWKS BRAWL
The League Lead Race Continues


Week Nine in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. A week is a long time in this league. Last week the Cats were obliterated, this week they claw out an impressive victory. Last week the Nighthawks decimated their opposition, this week....well let's find out in just a moment, after this most important message.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Our match of the week was across the Pond at Wembley with the Nighthawks hosting the Drunk Monkeys. Nighthawks just seven days ago, decimated the Black Cats and looked to have returned to their powerhouse offense team. The Nighthawks welcomed in the Drunk Monkeys, this years "surprise" upstart with Coach Gargamel in private conversation, suggesting that the Monkeys are the team to beat. The Monkeys have always been the best darn sub .500% team - when they didn't show up. Now, their fortune has reversed, they have their bus schedule down and have put together an impressive seven (7) wins in a row. Could they really consider themselves a powerhouse if they defeated the Nighthawks at home? The Nighthawks started with the record equaling Bears (DEF) with 28 points. With Matt Ryan (QB) putting up another 42 points this was going to be a shoot out. The Monkeys potential year end MVT Patrick Mahonnes (QB) rose to almost equal Ryan with 38 points, and the lead went back and forth with each pass and run. The horror started late Sunday afternoon when Nighthawks player Gronkowski (TE) was ruled out 60 minutes before the start of the game, having over eaten on party cake. With no other player available to fill the specialist position, the Nighthawks played a man down and this was captured in the final score. Drunk Monkeys outscore the Helmand Nighthawks 203 - 175 to stretch their winning streak to 8 in a row. Bad news for the rest of the Surface Skimmers division, the Monkeys are now within a half a game of clinching a play off berth

I don't know what happened in Carolina this week weekend but the Guns of Hochuli are playing chameleon - you never known which team is going to show up. This week it was their pitiful team - they traveled without, not one, but two missing running backs. There was only so much that Russell Wilson (QB) could do to carry the Gunners. Coach FYC started two running backs, who recorded modest scores, but it was their wide receiver corp of Julio Jones, Amari Cooper and Keenan Allen who combined for over 75 to hand the Cats a much needed win to stay in touch with the middle pack of contenders. Black Cats shock the Guns of Hochuli in the biggest blow out of the week 177 - 105.

In Oregon, the Who Dat Nation welcomed in the Australian Taipans. The Taipans have the second highest scoring team in the league and have not had a break as yet. The Nation led by Cam Newton (QB) went back and forth throughout the week with the Taipans. It was not until late Sunday when Mark Ingram (RB) was benched for falling asleep at the line of scrimmage after another late night out with the boys, that the Nation slipped behind the Taipans. Taipans QB Jared Goff scored 43 points alone, but with Ingram (RB) being benched the Taipans just had to continue to play with the full strength team to put this one away by Sunday night. Australian Taipans put the Who Dat Nation into a league tie by defeating them 164 - 139.

We're getting close to the first team clinching a play off berth, but, we already have our first team eliminated from the Divisional Title. Let's take this apart and look at the league as a composite picture before we work out the match of the game for next week.

The Drunk Monkeys lead the league and the Surface Skimmers division at 8-1. The Monkeys are half a game from clinching a play off berth, and the numbers needed to win the divisional title outright are falling. Drunk Monkeys hold a three game lead over second place. They can loose some games and still make the playoffs.

The Who Dat Nation after sustaining a loss to the Australian Taipans this week drop to 5-4 and hold second place outright in the league. The Nation lead the Sub Simmers division (barely) but they are the closest team to the Drunk Monkeys. The Nation needs to win almost all of their remaining games if they are going to unseed the Drunk Monkeys from the #1 playoff berth.

Now it gets a little tricky.

There are three (3) teams at 4-5 spread across the two divisions. The Nighthawks and the Black Cats from the Sub Simmers Division and the Australian Taipans from the Surface Skimmers Division are all squabbling over seeding. Much like we did a few weeks ago, these teams are into the count back.

The Australian Taipans win the first count back and elevate to the #3 position. They are trailing the divisional leader the Drunk Monkeys by three games. The Taipans not only need to win all of their remaining games, but, they also need help in other games, and they need the Drunk Monkeys to loose several games. It's probable that the Divisional Title is already over, the Taipans are only playing for minor seeding.

The Helmand Nighthawks at 4-5 are only one game behind their divisional leader the Who Dat nation. They win the second count back and move into the #4 playoff position. The entire Sub Simmers division is only separated by one game. The Nighthawks hold the middle position of the three teams. This division is anything but decided.

The Black Cats lose the two prior count backs and become the #5 seeded team and out of the championship - at this time. They only trail the divisional leaders the Who Dat Nation by one game, and as alluded to, this division is up for grabs. The Black Cats will need to score some points, they have had a couple of the lower scoring games in recent weeks. The Black Cats are a former League Champion, don't count them out just yet.

Bringing up the rear, the Guns of Hochuli are the first team to be eliminated from the divisional title race. At 2-7 the Gunners have let the Drunk Monkeys get away from them too far. At best, the Guns of Hochuli are playing for the #3 seed, which is only two games in front of them. Gunners need to win everything and have some results within the Sub Simmers division go their way to get into the championship playoff.

Next week we return to the continent to watch the Drunk Monkeys host the Black Cats. The Monkeys are on the verge of securing a divisional, and potential championship berth, but they will have to do it against a former league champion. While the Cats have been playing like kittens, they need to show up next week to stop the Monkey's swinging away with the league, and keep in contact with their divisional opponents.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of receiving 1 reception for 50 yards and a touchdown, and rushing for 91 yards yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total score of 33.10 points, the ASW are proud to present Kareen Hunt (RB) of the Australian Taipans the Week Nine MVT.

[Gut Wrench]

DRUNK MONKEYS CLINCH A PLAY OFF BERTH
Show Their Bright Red Rump to the League


Week Ten in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. It was only a mater of time before we started announcing post season appearances, and one team gets handed a gift horse by the dismal failure of another team. Behind their bright red rumps, the remainder of the league is a disaster area. Former champions barely get a win, and in one case a loss. What does all this mean?

We'll get into the details right after this message.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

The Australian Taipans make that long trek into the British Homeland as they visited the Helmand Nighthawks for the second time this year. The Nighthawks are locked in a close battle within their division, while the Taipans are looking at daylight between them and the divisional leader. Nighthawks opted to bench Ben Roethlisberger (QB) this week. Incensed by the snub, the franchise QB went out and played in another league scoring over 51 points. The shock loss of that many points to the bench would always be a concern, particular when the Taipans at the last minute changed from Jared Goff (QB) to Aaron Rodgers (QB). The decision would have playoff implications as the Taipans loose their third players for the season Cooper Kupp (WR). Alvin Kamara (RB) once again held place of honor for the Nighthawks to give them a low score of 134 points, but a 50 point lead over the Taipans going into Sunday night. Somebody forgot to tell Zac Ertz (TE) who single hand scored 46.50 points - but it wasn't enough to catch the Nighthawks. Nighthawks advance within their division narrowly defeating the Taipans 134-130 - making this the third game that the Taipans have lost this season by less than 10 yards.

Our match of the week was the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Black Cats. The Cats have been noticeably absent in the past few weeks. Indeed, it could be said that the Cats were doing a Drunk Monkeys appearance of the last few seasons. The Monkeys after losing their first game have just steamrolled their way to an impressive eight wins in a a row, looking to make it nine. The Monkeys didn't even look like losing this game after the Black cats started both Houston (DEF) and Anthony Collins (RB) who were all away making celebrity appearances at the California Fires. While the Monkeys were somewhat stunned by a poor performance of the NYJ (DEF) for -3 points, the result of this game was foreshadowed. Drunk Monkeys run out convincing winners 159 - 118 over the Black cats.

The biggest upset of the week was in Oregon as the Who Dat Nation hosted the Guns of Hochuli. The Nation prior to this week were the #2 ranked team and looked to have an easy victory over the Gunners. Someone forgot to tell Coach Casey in who recently has appeared to phone in some of the results. Not this week however as the Gunners came out and absolutely thumped the Nation. While both teams had players still on the field Monday night, this game was already looking shaky for the Nation on Thursday night, and was over by late Sunday afternoon. Gunners get one back and mess up the entire league by annihilating the Who Dat Nation 200 - 151.

So now we have some work to do.

The Drunk Monkeys after their win and the loss by the Australian Taipans clinch the Surface Skimmers division. They will enter the post season as either the #1 or the #2 team. Their current winning streak is 9 games in a row. While fans of the Drunk Monkeys would like to see 10 in a row, it the 11 wins that will clinch the #1 seeding and home field advantage.

The rest of the league is still a mess, so we'll take it apart piece by piece.

The Helmand Nighthawks with their narrow win over the Taipans finally reach 5-5. They hold the tiebreakers against the Who Dat Nation, which catapults them into the #2 seed - this week. This seed has changed hands almost every week and is the first unsettled position in the league.

The Who Dat Nation also at 5-5 loose the first count back to the Nighthawks and drop into the #3 position. The Nighthawks and Nation are within the same division so these two teams still have to play each other. Neither team is yet assured a play off berth.

The Australian Taipans loss drops them back into sub .500% position. At 4-6 the Taipans win the first count back and assume the #4 position within the league. The Taipans cannot advance any higher than the #3 seeding for the post season.

The Black Cats also at 4-6 lose the count back to the Taipans and drop out of the post season seeding; for the time being. At one game back from the Taipans, the Black Cats can still end the season as the #2 seed, but they have to play both of the divisional opponents in the finals weeks of the regular season.

The much longed for return to winning form of the Guns of Hochuli elevates them to 3-7, and the #6 seed within the league. The Gunners can still reach the playoffs as high as the #3 seed which is only two wins in front of them.

With the exception of the Drunk Monkeys who can rest assure and begin preparations for the playoffs, the remaining teams are locked in an incredible positional battle that we have not seen for a number of years, where even the current # 2 and #3 seeds could miss out on the post season.

Next week we stay at the Drunk Monkeys home field for a top of the table clash. The Monkeys will be hosting the Helmand Nighthawks in the league post season #1 seeding. The Nighthawks will need to win the game - and win the game convincingly, in order to run down the Monkeys for the #1 seed. A loss by the Nighthawks will ensure the Monkeys have home field advantage throughout the play offs, and, drop the Nighthawks back into a four way race for a post season appearance. There is a lot riding on this game.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of receiving 20 rushing yards, 7 receptions for 177 yards and 2 receiving touchdowns, for a total score of 38.70 points, the ASW are proud to present Tyree Hill (WR) of the Guns of Hochuli the Week Ten MVT.

[Gargamel]

Originally Posted by Gut Wrench

DRUNK MONKEYS CLINCH A PLAY OFF BERTH
Show Their Bright Red Rump to the League

Yeah! Pbbbbbbbsssst!

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Has this not been done yet?

The Drunk Monkeys after their win and the loss by the Australian Taipans clinch the Surface Skimmers division. They will enter the post season as either the #1 or the #2 team. Their current winning streak is 9 games in a row. While fans of the Drunk Monkeys would like to see 10 in a row, it the 11 wins that will clinch the #1 seeding and home field advantage.

One the few head coaches in Cleveland to keep their job! Woohoo!

[Gut Wrench]

MONDAY NIGHT THRILLERS
...and the first multiple rewrite of the season

Week Eleven in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. We've waited all season long for a Monday Night close game to cause not one, not two, but three complete rewrites of the Fantasy Football Report.

Oh....and there was some decent football along the way to cause that rewrite. So look out, as the type writer does another carriage return, the correction fluid comes out and the carbon copy goes under yet another piece of typing paper as we get ready to go around the grounds, right after this message.

Which apparently has not been done by YOU.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Let's go down under where the Australian Taipans are hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners have upset the Taipans run to the post season in three of the last five years and certainly become the bogey team for the Taipans. The Taiapns, despite having a losing record, have the second highest total points score of the year. But, they also have the highest point scored against them. They could easily be so much better than their record, and they needed to show it. Gunners traveling across the dateline and into a 16 hour time difference packed most of their team into Thursday night where they opened up a sizeable 37 point lead. Greg Kittle (TE) of the Gunner failed to make the connecting flight out of San Francisco Airport (SFO) due to the California Wildfires. Tarik Cohen (TE) Had traveled with the First Team but failed to suit up in time for Sunday night and the Gunners were playing a man down. Taipans have found something in their offense - and they are a little offensive as they silence the Guns on Sunday evening. While they didn't have to play anyone on Monday night, their win was always going to be "by how much". The Gunners storm back under Tyree Hill (WR) with 49 points, and the Taipans have to pull out the stops with Jared Goff (QB) and Kareen Hunt (RB). Taipans get one over their divisional opponents by winning 207 - 168.

And now it gets a little tricky. With so many players still on the field Monday night, with the lead changing in the first fifteen minutes three times, and in the last four (4) minutes changing three times, and the Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) moving, this was always going to be a long scripted report.

In the Carolina's, the Black Cats were hosting the Who Dat Nation. The Nation and the Cats are divisional opponents, with the Nation currently 5-5 to the Black Cats 4-6. The Nation were in a two game losing streak which handed the Divisional Lead to the Nighthawks, while the Black Cats had lost one game and two count backs to put them out of the Championship bracket. With just a handful of games remaining in the regular season, the Cats needed the win to keep pace and improve their winning percentage for the next count back. Phillip Rivers (QB) finally lead the Nation with an impressive 401 passing yards, to help the Nation to an huge166 points by the end of Sunday. The Black Cats responded with Drew Brees (QB) but their WR and RB duo's of Amari Cooper and Anthony Collins failed to score a touchdown. The Cats cause was not helped when Graham Gano (K) only scored 0.25 points. The Cats held Travis Kelce (TE) Back for the Monday night and needed at least a hundred yards and one touchdown to give the Cats the win. When Kelce (TE) finally crossed for a touchdown, he only had 90 yards - Kelce only need another 7 minutes to earn those 10 receiving yards, and give the Black Cats their only lead of the entire weekend. Kelce's much needed reception came in the last three (3) minutes of play. Black Cats upset the Who Dat Nation to narrowly win 179 - 166.

Mark this game now - if the Black Cats make the Championship or the Who Dat Nation don't make the championship, this is the game that created that situation.

Our match of the week was the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Monkeys have already secured a play off berth and are only playing for home field advantage. The Nighthawks, arguable one of two teams with the potential to go one on one with the Monkeys high scoring offense made the trip across the Atlantic and went out early. While Mike Evans (WR) was impressive for the Nighthawks scoring 36 points, it was the failure of Matt Ryan (QB) which made this game tighter than it needed to be. When Greg Zuerlein (K) missed a point after touchdown, all the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) put their pencils down and just waited out for what was going to be the best game of the season. The Monkeys had stacked their team with five (5) players on Monday night and before the game started, were 102 points in the hole. This was going to be the epitome of running down the championship. And a beauty that it was too. With just 60 minutes to make the gap, the Drunk Monkeys have made up 40 of the points with 30 minutes remaining. Zuerlein (K) had however redeemed himself by adding to the Nighthawks score, but it was clear, this was going down to the last pass. With just 13 seconds to go in the game Patrick Mahones (QB) needing only 10 yards, threw an interception to come up short, and end the nine (9) game winning streak. The Helmand Nighthawks hang on by the skin of their teeth to win 163.54 - 161.32.

So what does all of this mean for the league. We'll take it apart division by division and look at the implications.

The Drunk Monkeys streak comes to an end and they finish at 9-2. The Monkeys have already won a play off berth, and are about half a game away from clinching the #1 seed. Nothing changed for the Monkeys this week, other than pride at not getting ten (10) in a row. The Taipans win advance them to 5-6 but drop the Guns of Hochuli back to 3-8. The Gunners can still make the play offs and have not yet been eliminated.

In the Surface Skimmers Division it's just as muddled as it was last week. The Helmand Nighthawks lead the division at 6-5 but, we're into count backs again for the Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats. The loss by the Nation has them equal with the Black Cats at 5-6, but, you also have to factor in the Taipans also at 5-6. The Taipans win the first count back and elevate to the #3 seed. The Black Cats have the better divisional record at 2-2 to the Nations 1-3, but, the point scored count back has the Nation in front, and they take the #4 seed. The Black Cats need to finish the season with more offensive points that the Nation or be a game up to reduce the possibility of the Consolation series. Both the Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats can still miss out on the Championship Series if the #6 team, the Guns of Hochuli return to their winning ways.

Next week is Week Twelve, It's the longest week of football in the season as we start early Thursday and go right through until late Monday night. We go up to Oregon for our Turkey Day extravaganza as the Who Dat Nation hosts the Helmand Nighthawks. This game is pivotal to deciding the Divisional winner, and, with the remainder of the table so clustered, the loser of this game may still miss out on a play off position. There is nothing assured from this game other than a divisional win - loss record - which may be all that is needed to advance to the Championship. Gobble up folks, this one has all the trimmings and a little Black Friday thrown in as well. If it's half as good as this weeks game, it's worth having a long weekend for.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

So many players were on the field Monday night this was a split decision. Using the unofficial count back rules of the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) - draw a card from a deck and high card wins, - we came up with the following eventual winner

For the effort of 363 yards and 4 passing touchdowns, for a total score of 44.52 points, the ASW are proud to present Drew Brees (QB) of the Black Cats the Week Eleven MVT. This is the second MVT Brees has won this year.

[Gargamel]

Originally Posted by Gargamel

At worst I'll do a decent draft and y'all will have a decent ghost team to play against.

Sometimes, I even surprise myself.

[Gut Wrench]

DRUNK MONKEYS CLINCH HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE
...and everything else is still a mess.

Week Twelve in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. It's been a long time coming, but finally, a Cleveland based football team has won the regular season and will have home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

But let's not forget the rest of the league. We'll get the largest offensive score this year, we'll get the details on the mid game suspension of a player, we'll get the miracle in Oregon and then we'll go to the count backs, again, to make sense of the league.

And we'll do all of that right after you do this.


NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Ahh, Thanksgiving. There's nothing like the start of the holidays with all the edibles. Turkey, green beans, pecan pie and a serving of skinned cat. The Australian Taipans came to the Carolina's and put an absolute hiding of Coach FYC and the Black Cats. The Cats started Amari Cooper (WR) Thursday who put an impressive 44 individual points up. The Cats had listed starters Anthony Collins (RB) and Travis Kelce (TE) who both had notes from their mommy they had to stay home Thanksgiving Day weekend. The Taipans came to town and despite their sub .500% record, have been the highest scoring team for most of the year. The Taipans receiving corp of Juju Smith Schuster (WR) TY Hilton (WR) and Adrien Thielan (WR) showed the way through the air to combine for 103 pints. The Taipans collectively as a team came together and put up the highest score of the year to win by a mile. Taipans annihilate the Black Cats 220 - 147

In Cleveland, the Drunk Monkeys were looking to lock up the #1 seed through the playoffs with a win over the Guns of Hochuli. Now in fairness, I looked at the program for the starters of the Gunners on Wednesday and didn't come back to it until Monday. I had to check to see when the Gunners acquired Corey Davis (WR). They didn't, they drafted him. Monkeys started early Thursday with the Gunners and this was a close game as it continued into Sunday. The lead went back and forth and the line in Vegas began to sway. Bookies made their mark Sunday night when the Monkeys finally brought out the starting QB, Kirk Cousins and WR Stefon Diggs who put up a combined 60 points, The Gunners were let down by Green Bay (DEF) for allowing so many points that it came down to Monday night (again) with Corey Davis (RB) Left to shoulder the load. Davis was going to need a career night with over 100 receiving yards and two touchdowns. . He only managed to earn 96 receiving yards and one touchdown. Drunk Monkeys hold off the hard finishing Guns of Hoculi to win the game 160 - 139.

Our marquee game of the week was a balltearer. The two powerhouses of the league were fighting for a .500% record and each individually trying to win the division. The Who Dat Nation Rises were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks in a "do or die" match. Matt Ryan (QB) came out and lit up the scoreboard for the Nighthawks, but, he had way too many turnovers and interceptions to give justice to his heroic efforts. The Nighthawks were marching towards a convincing win when finally, the Who Dat Nation Rises brought the crowd to life. Cameron McCaffrey ran and received over 100 yards in each category, and scored two touchdowns for an individual points haul of 58 to put the Nation back in the game late Sunday.The game was not without incident though as Leonard Fournette was ejected from the game in their third quarter for a breach of the Fantasy Football Conduct Code Section 8 - Being An Idiot in a Public Place. The behavior by Fournette leaves him inactive for a week and put the balance of the Nighthawks game in the hands of Deandre Hopkins. Needing 17 points in a come from behind win, Hopkins (WR) achieved the goal early in the last quarter of the game, to give the Who Dat Nation a much needed win over the Helmand Nighthawks. Final score in Oregon, Who Dat Nation 167.36 narrowly defeat Helmand Nighthawks 165.28.

So where does that leave the league. We'll start with what we know, then we'll get into the count backs.

#1 Seed: Drunk Monkeys.
The win over the Guns of Hoculi today moves the Drunk Monkeys to 10-2. The win assures them the league #1 seeding and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. The Monkeys are not, however, the highest scoring team in the league.

#2 through 4 seeding.
The Australian Taipans with a 6-6 record are the highest scoring team in the league and normally, would have the #2 seeding. However, with the Drunk Monkeys securing the #1 seeding, the remainder of the Surface Skimmers Division are considered ineligible for the #2 seeding, which must be awarded to the leader of the Sub Skimmers Division.

So now we look at the Sub Simmers Division for the (current) divisional lead. The win by the Who Dat Nation over the Helmand Nighthawks elevates them to 6-6, but their divisional record is 2-3. The Helmand Nighthawks who lost today, are also 6-6 but their divisional record is 3-2. The Helmand Nighthawks at the end of this week, assume the #2 seed. The Who Dat Nation then return for the second count back against the Australian Taipans, as we have documented, have scored more points than any other team so they assume the #3 seeding. The Who Dat Nation, despite their win over the Nighthawks this week, loose two (2) count backs and fall to the #4 seed.

The Consolation Series

The Black Cats loss to the Taipans drop them into a sub .500% record and they have sole ownership of the #5 seed. The Cats are only one game away from winning the division however.

The loss by the Guns of Hochuli result in a 3-9 record, and the Gunners become the first team eliminated from the Championship Series. The Gunners remaining games will still determine the top four play off positions, and who the Gunners will meet as the #6 team in the league.

So where do we go next week. While the Australian Taipans and the Drunk Monkeys game looks like a shoot out, it's the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Black Cats which has the most implications. A win by the Nighthawks will lock up the #2 seeding for the post season, but a win by the Black Cats will muddle the Sub Simmers division even further, leaving the entire division up for grabs in week fourteen. A lot on the line for both teams, and while the Nighthawks are early favorites, the Black Cats have one win and one loss against the Nighthawks. A win by the Black Cats and one other favorable result will see the Nighthawks drop out of the Championship Series. A lot to play for next week.

A lot still on the line in the Sub Simmers division.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 342 yards and 3 passing touchdowns, and rushing for an additional 17 yards, for a total score of 38.38 points, the ASW are proud to present Kirk Cousins (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Twelve MVT.

[Gargamel]

For the effort of 342 yards and 3 passing touchdowns, and rushing for an additional 17 yards, for a total score of 38.38 points, the ASW are proud to present Kirk Cousins (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Twelve MVT.

And he earned it! Riding the bench all year, coming in to play when needed, and he performed. But back to the bench he goes!

[Gut Wrench]

BLACK CATS UPSET THE NIGHTHAWKS
...and everything else continues to be a mess.

Week Thirteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. We picked it. We told you that if the Black Cats got a win that the entire league would still be a mess. We told you that the Monkeys and Taipans could be a shoot out. And we told you that that Gunners were still here to play.


Ok, so we didn't tell you about the last one, but we did tell you to this.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Holy crap. Have you seen the league this year?

The Drunk Monkeys have been the pretentious upstart from the start of the season and are now hot favorites to win the Torpedo Bowl. This week they were matched up against the highest scoring in the league that was barely, BARELY able to keep a .500% record. Thursday night and the Monkeys looked like they might be in trouble when their #1 receiver Michael Thomas (WR) failed to score. Now while there is no video evidence of the incident(s), there has been rumor lately of Coach Pioneer using the "motivation stick" to get his team above .500%. Well, he may have used the stick once too often as his entire starting offense went down. Kareen Hunt (RB) on whose coattails the Taipans have ridden, was suspended by the Commissioner for the second breach of the Fantasy Football Conduct Code Section 8 - Being an Idiot In A Public Place. Unfortunately, Hunt's discretion elevates him to a Major Idiot and the Commissioner yanked him for the season. Taipans were in trouble scrambling for a replacement and signed Matt Breida (RB), who went out with a season ending injury. A third Taipan, Greg Olsen (TE) was also lost and the Taipans were scrambling to stay level with the Monkeys. They needed over 50 points on Monday night and just ran out of players. For the third time this season, the Drunk Monkeys beat the Taipans 161 - 130.

In Oregon, the Who Dat Nation were hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners, having been eliminated from the Championship Series, were still in a position to play spoiler, and their last two games would decide the final seeding in both divisions. While Cam McCaffrey (RB) ran for over 106 yards for the Nation, pairing with Nick Chubb (RB) combined for 53 points, outscoring the Gunners by more than 30. Gunners starting QB, Russell Wilson, while not passing for a lot of yards, did throw 4 touchdowns to close the differential with some respectability. Who Dat Nation easily accounts for the Guns of Hochuli 163 - 120.

We called it. Last week, we said if the Black Cats could get the win the entire league would still be a mess. And, there was a lot of money riding on this game too. The Nighthawks, playing in their home stadium Wembley, have been almost unbeatable in England. Coach FYC doesn't care for such beliefs and showed it with a thumping of the Nighthawks. But the Cats didn't have it all their own way though. When Drew Brees (QB) only scored 9 points, and Julio Jones (WR) had only two receptions, the Black Cats were getting eaten alive. However, world class and season high performances were needed, and both Keenan Allen (WR) and Travis Kelce (TE) delivered for the Cats. The Nighthawks needing the win to secure a play off position, were let down by their entire wide receiver corp of Julian Edelman, Josh Gordon and Mike Evans who only amounted for one touchdown between the three of them. In a shock late season upset, the Black Cats steal a win from the Nighthawks, in England no less, and go home still alive for the Championship Series. Final Score, Black Cats 152 Helmand Nighthawks 117.

This weeks game upset the count backs, so we need to take it one team at a time and look at each prospect.

#1 Seed: Drunk Monkeys.
The win over depleted Taipans moves the Drunk Monkeys to 11-2. This is a historical turnaround for the team given their recent mediocre performances. The Monkeys own the league and wait for their opponents.

#2 Seed: Who Dat Nation Rises

The win over the Guns of Hochuli, and other favorable results, elevate the Who Dat Nation to the #2 seed and the current divisional leader. However, they are neither assured the divisional lead or a championship play off berth. They Nation needs a win to claim both.

#3 through #5 seeding.
The Australian Taipans with a 6-7 record and the highest scoring team in the league earn them the #3 seed. They win the first count back over the other two teams. The devastating injuries and suspensions make them the most precarious team in the league - to loose.

The Hlemand Nighthawks and the Black Cats are in the same division and go to the count back rules. The Nighthawks are 3-3 within the division while the Black cats are 3-2. The Cats have scored significantly less points than the Nighthawks and lose the second count back. The Nighthawks, for the time being, assume the final position in the Championship Series with the #4 seed, while the Black Cats with the same win/loss record as the Taipans and the Nighthawks, drop out, into the #5 seed.

#6 Seeding
The Guns of Hochuli own the #6 and can still play spoiler

What Does the Big Picture Look Like

This is where it gets a little tricky on who advances and who doesn't. Never before have we had four teams vying for not only the divisional lead, but a Championship Playoff berth. We'll take it apart one game at a time.


Drunk Monkeys are only playing for pride, but, the result of their game will determine their divisional opponent in the Championship Series. The Who Dat Nation can still be bundled out of the Championship Series, they need a win which will secure the Division and the #2 seed. They can fall as far as the #5 seed. The Taipans after a shocking week are precariously poised to be eliminated from the Championship Series. The Helmand Nighthawks are in "must win" situation to advance to the Championship Series, and perhaps, the most difficult path to the Championship. The Black Cats while on equal record as two other teams, need a win and at least one favorable result to advance. The Black Cats, can still win the Division from the #5 position.

Next weeks game, it wasn't hard to choose. We got back to the cold of Cleveland where the Drunk Monkeys are hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. In what could be a match up repeated in the first week of the Championship. The Nighthawks must find a way to beat the Monkeys to ensure their position in the Championship Series. If they loose, they fall back and must wait out the count back on other matches.

A lot still on the line in the Sub Simmers division.

Next weeks, the weekly report may be delayed in transmission. The Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) have scheduled their Christmas party that night, and well. with an open bar, who knows how llong the ramblings may take to compose.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 12 receptions for 168 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total score of 44.80 points, the ASW are proud to present Travis Kelce (TE) of the Black Cats the Week Thirteen MVT. This is the second MVT that Kelce has won this year.

[Gargamel]

I haven't been this excited since I discovered they put rumble strips on the side of the road.........

[Gut Wrench]

HOLY CRAP, WHAT HAPPENED?
Who's In? Who's Out?

Week Fourteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and the final week of the regular season. If you were ever wanting to have a ball tearing mathematical equation with count backs and surprise elimination, have we got the league for you. We'll go around the grounds and cover the two upset wins, then we'll look at the last and final game of the regular season where the lead change with each pass, as two quarterbacks combined for a low score. Once we've done all that, we'll get back up and try to work out who's in, who's out, and who's still in the hospital writing this on honky wifi.

But before we do anything else, lets get some clarity on the one thing you should do now.


NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Let's start the recap with our match of the week with the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Drunk Monkeys are already in, they have home field advantage throughout the playoffs. This weeks game held no advantage for them, but was the first card to fall over if the Nighthawks, and two other teams needed to make the playoffs. The Monkeys have been the most improved team from prior years - it's amazing what you can achieve when you show up. But their biggest obstacle was always going to be former Champions the Nighthawks. Patrick Mahonne (QB) of the Monkeys and Ben Roetlisberger (QB) of the Nighthawks battled back and forth in an equally matches passing game. Monkeys RB, Todd Gurley has been the steamroller this year but the Nighthawks were able to limit him to under 10 points. Nighthawks countered with Stefan Barkley (RB) rushing for over 35 points. the differential of the RB scoring positions put the Nighthawks ahead but was sealed when Rob Gronkowski(TE) crossed for a late touchdown. Helmand Nighthawks do the impossible and hand the Drunk Monkeys only their third loss of the season by the comfortable margin of 179 - 124.

The second game in the improbable equation was the Black Cats hosting the Who Dat Nation. The Cats have been ghosting along this year, but still they have managed to keep pace with the league with some improbable wins when injury within games has removed their opposition. Who Dat Nation started nicely with an early 30 point lead, and were cruising to victory when they basically sat down and took a dump. The Nation forgot that there was a week of football to be played and not just an early Sunday and the Black Cats would make them pay a hefty price. The Cats, still operating with two players absent (A. Collins and G. Gano) had no business even being in the hunt, but someone forgot to tell the Cats wide receiving corp who collected over 100 points and six touchdowns. The Nation, suddenly facing the possibility of dropping from the Divisional Winner to elimination, hurriedly try to mount a counter offensive that just smelt bad. The Nation failed to break the century of points mark and the Black Cats just scratched their way into playoff consideration. Final score, Black Cats take the biggest blow blow out of the week and the biggest shock win of the season by stuffing the Who Dat Nation in the kitty litter. Final score Black Cats 155 defeat the Who Dat Nation 97.

Our third and final game of the week was a divisional match up between the Australian Taipans and the Guns of Hochuli. The Taipans, facing the prospect of of being eliminated or going on the road through the playoffs were hosting the divisional rival for several years which has previously kept them out of the playoffs. The Taipans were looking like heavy favorites when Odell Beckham (WR) was ruled out of the game moments before kick off and a substitute was not available. Taipans came out and were marching along towards victory when the Guns of Hochuli put the ball in Greg Kittle (TE) Hand for 40 points. Late Sunday night, Jarred Goff (QB) had a career worst day for the Taipans and suddenly the race to the playoffs was on. The Gunners still had Russell Wilson (QB) to start and the Taipans only had Adam Thielan (WR) left. If the Gunner could pass for two touchdown or throw for 300 yards - two targets not difficult for Russell Wilson, the entire league would be thrown wide open. Russel Wilson was playing on the same field as Jarred Goff (QB) and also struggled, not throwing one touchdown despite running for 61 yards. Thielan (WR) also was not able to score but was able to receive enough yards to get in front of the Gunners late Monday night. The Gunners failed at the QB position, and the Taipans were able to steal a win by the narrow margin of 162 - 157.

WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US

Calculators out, let's break this down one count back at a time. We will start initially with the Surface Skimmers Division where we only have one unknown.

REGULAR SEASON CHAMPIONS

The Drunk Monkeys have been the best comeback team, ever, to finish the season at one of the best records of 11-3. The Drunk Monkeys get to stay at home throughout the playoffs. They are probably not the favorites to win the season, but, they were also not favored in week one to make the playoffs. Drunk Monkeys are playing for the clean sweep to win the league. Drunk Monkeys are the #1 seed.

ELIMINATED

The Guns of Hochuli had been eliminate from the Championship Season prior to this week. They start the Consolation Series as the #6 team.


SUB SIMMERS DIVISIONAL CHAMPION.

Holy crap. Let's do this one step at a time.

With the unexpected win of the Black Cats over the Who Dat Nation, and the less plausible win by the Helmand Nighthawks, the entire Sub Simmers Division finish out the season at 7-7. We've been in the middle of tiebreaker discussion for the past few weeks, and it continues this week.

The tiebreaker for the Divisional Title is awarded to the team with the best divisional percentage. The loss by the Who Dat Nation puts them at 2-4, the win by the Helmand Nighthawks puts them at 3-3, but the unexpected win by the Black Cats puts them at 4-2. For the first time this season, the Black Cats win their first count back which enables them to steal the Divisional Title. Black Cats head into the playoffs as the #2 seed.

Nobody would have picked that several weeks ago.

Championship Seeding

Now that the Divisional Title has been established, we have to go into the tiebreakers again for the #3 and the #4 seeding for the Championship. In addition to the Helmand Nighthawks and the Who Dat Nation, the other team that also finished at 7-7 is in the equation - the Australian Taipans. But unlike the Divisional Champion, a different count back is used. Total points scored.

The Helmand Nighthawks and the Who Dat Nation Rises have been the powerhouses of scoring in recent year - but not this year. This year the highest scoring team was the Australian Taipans who amassed 2392 points. The Taipans have also had the most points scored against them, accounting for their .500% record, but that's enough for them to take the #2 seed.

We're down to one last Championship Playoff position and it's a tiebreaker between the Helmand Nighthawks and the Who Dat Nation. The Who Dat Nations hopes always rested on both a win and a high score in the final week of the regular season, which did not eventuate. The Helmand Nighthawks win the #4 seeding, relegating the Who Dat Nation to their first Consolation Series since joining the league. It is also the biggest single week fall since the league began.

The Black Cats not only stole the Divisional Title in the last week of the league, but they also relegated one a former champion team out. The Black Cats are also the first Ghost team to make the playoffs, and the first ghost team to win the divisional championship.

No body would have picked that.

Next week we go back to Cleveland where the Drunk Monkeys host the Helmand Nighthawks. These two teams matching up represent the best of the league. The other game, the Black Cats in North Carolina hosting the Australian Taipans may, may be a foregone conclusion. The Cats have ghosted their way here, how improbable is it they could ghost their way to the Torpedo Bowl?

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 170 rushing yards for 1 touchdown and 4 receptions for 0 yards (those receptions count), for a total score of 35.70 points, the ASW are proud to present Stefan Barclay (RB) of the Helmand Nighthawks the Week Fourteen MVT.

[Gut Wrench]

DRUNK MONKEYS STUMBLE FROM CHAMPIONSHIP
Guess Who's Hosting the Torpedo Bowl?

Week Fifteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and it's the first week of the playoffs. And what a low scoring week it was. We'll find out which team should have gotten in, which team cruised in, which team is returning to the Championship, where the Torpedo Bowl is being hosted for the first time, and we'll find what the other teams did.

But before we do anything else, lets get some clarity on the one thing you should do now.


NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Let's start with the game that we thought would end the way it did. The Black Cats in the final week of the regular season ghosted their way into the Championship playoffs with an unexpected and unpredictable win to take the Sub Skimmers Division. This was the only way that the Black Cats were going to advance as they were the lowest scoring team in the league. This week they were matched up against the highest scoring team in the league, the Australian Taipans. The Taipans were without Coach Pioneer who advised late last week they he would not be attending the game due to international travel. We are aware that the Coach made about three changes, and judging by the the IP address, called those in from three different continents. Not countries - continents. Despite being the gunslinger of points scoring, the Taipans came up with their lowest score of the year, barely managing to reach triple digits. With Anthony Collins (RB) and Geno Gano (K) still on the vacation list for the Black Cats, and Coach FYC ghosting, this was a lot closer win for the Taipans than expected. By Monday night the Taipans held a 40 point lead, but the Cats still had Drew Brees (QB) to play, who previously had scored over 50 points in a game, twice this season. It was not to be a third as Brees struggled for both yardage and touchdowns. The Taipans lowly score, would be enough to achieve the biggest blow out of the week, and advance the Taipans to their first appearance in a Torpedo Bowl. Taipans account for the ghost Black Cats 102 - 61.

Our second game and match of the week was also another low scoring affair, but this one was going down to the wire. Last week, these two teams met and the Nighthawks handed the Monkeys only their third loss of the year. Could the Nighthawks do the impossible and go into Cleveland and beat the one team that has lead the league for the entire season? Even with Saturday games these two teams were evenly matched through Sunday that it was apparent both teams were resting their entire season on the two players who had carried them this far, Alvin Kamara (RB) for the Nighthawks and Michael Thomas (WR) for the Drunk Monkeys. Early in the fourth quarter Kamara (RB) crossed for a touchdown for the Nighthawks, and the two point conversion was successful by Thomas (WR) for the Monkeys. This game was going to come down to the last possession of the week, and accordingly, so would this column have to sit and wait to be written. When Kamara peeled off a 25 yard run with under 2 minutes to play, it was apparent that the Nighthawks would hold on by the narrowest margin of the week, to ensure a berth at the Torpedo Bowl. Final Score Helmand Nighthawks narrowly defeat the Drunk Monkeys 119 - 109.

Elsewhere in the league, both the Who Dat Nation and the Guns of Hochuli sat out on byes in the first week of the Consolation Championship. Both Coaches were heard to be muttering "I could have beaten all those teams this week."

And they could have as well.

WHERE'S THE TORPEDO BOWL AT?

Where are we going?

Both the #1 and the #2 seeds fell this week to the lower ranked teams. Change your airline tickets folks, you're going on the longest trip of the year. What this means for the Australian Taipans, is that next week, they get to make their first Torpedo Bowl appearance as a home game.


The Helmand Nighthawks will be making the long trek to the penal colony where we will have our first all international Torpedo Bowl. Despite the Taipans having home field advantage, summer weather and being the highest scoring team in the league, the Nighthawks actually enter this one as the favorites having knocked off the Regular Season Champion in back to back weeks, and three times through the entire season. In the regular season, the Nighthawks and the Taipans met twice, splitting the series 1-1, with the visiting team winning on both occasions. If the Taipans want to win against a former Champion and regular Torpedo Bowl attendee, the Taipans are going to have to score a lot of points.

The bronze medal game will be back in Cleveland where the Drunk Monkeys will be hosting the Black Cats. The Black Cats have all but checked out till next years draft, so the Monkeys, having suffered a shock departure in the first play off game, should account for the Cats easily.

In the Consolation Series, the Guns of Hochuli travel north west to meet the Who Dat Nation in Oregon, after both teams have had a week to rest and recover.

If you had thought two teams that were .500% on the regular season would be playing in the Torpedo Bowl, you're a better judge than me. The line in Vegas all year has been the Drunk Monkeys, who were one win away from the Championship.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Not a lot of scoring this week, but the one position that did score was successful in getting their team into the Championship game. For the effort of 67 rushing yards for 1 touchdown and 7 receptions for 23 yards , for a total score of 23.30 points, the ASW are proud to present Alvin Kamara (RB) of the Helmand Nighthawks the Week Fifteen MVT. This is the second week in a row that the Nighthawks have won the MVT and the second MVT for Kamara this season.

[Gargamel]

Friggin refs......


*kicks over podium during press conference*

[Gut Wrench]

TAIPANS WIN TORPEDO BOWL
...in a Nighthawk shootout.

Week Sixteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. The last games of the year. The Torpedo Bowl between our two internationals. The Consolation Bowl between with the Regular Season winner, and the final game where two past champions meet for the wooden spoon. We'll go around the grounds. wind up the games in multiple timezones and give you all the details of the winners, the not so winners, and the celebrations which ensured.

Right after we give you the most important thing to do tonight - aside from set out the milk and cookies.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

The Consolation Series. After losing almost a dozen count backs this year, the one count back that the Who Dat Nation Rises needed in their favor did not happen, propelling them into the Consolation Series. Hosting the former champions, the Guns of Hochuli have, once again, for the third year straight, had the hardest schedule of the year. The Gunners met all the powerhouses teams of the year when they were at their best, and high scoring. This week they traveled to Oregon hoping for a mediocre performance from the Who Dat Nation. It wasn't to be. The Nation, after stumbling with Phillip Rivers (QB) for yet another sub par performance, was going to need a hero to come through to avoid the bottom of the ladder. And the Nation's hero was Antonio Brown (WR), who took 8 receptions for 194 yards and two touchdowns to amass a personal score of 50.50 points. The Gunners, very dependable and stout in the trenches, lost their way when David Johnson (RB) and Joe Mixon (RB) failed to cross for any touchdowns. Gunners lost the lead on the back of the Antonio Brown (WR) performance and were never in the hunt after that. Guns of Hochuli fall on their sixth straight loss to the Who Dat Nation Rises, who finally salvage some self esteem. Final score Who Dat Nation defeat the Guns of Hochuli 163 - 124.

The benefit for these two teams is that should they return next season, is that one of them will face an advantageous move if both of this year Torpedo Bowl contenders are in the division. The higher seed will move in order to split the Torpedo Bowl opponents.

The Consolation Series. After we picked up the podium, make a few repairs, filled in the gouge marks, Spackle where Coach Gargamel had carved obscenities, we put it back on a plane for Cleveland for the Consolation Bowl between the Drunk Monkeys and the Black Cats. The Black Cats, somehow, ghosted their way into the play offs by the most precarious of situations, to meet the Monkeys who backdoor their way out of the Championship, after leading the entire league since week four. The Monkeys, hell bent on revenge after slipping on that banana peel, came to play and were set to skin the Cats. When the Cats, for about the fifth straight week, started their players already on vacation, the Monkeys had done just enough work to that point to put the win away. The game though was not without a scare as Todd Gurley (RB) was benched by Coach Gargamel moments before the start of the game - and the Coach failed to replace him in time. Playing one back down, compared to the Cats two players deficit, opened the path for redemption as the Drunk Monkeys showed that they were the team who should have won the season this year, but for their last game. Patrick Mahonnes (QB) put the Monkeys team on his back as he carried them to a comfortable win, to earn the Bronze Medal this year. Final score in Cleveland, the Drunk Monkeys defeat the Black Cats convincingly, 135 - 89.

Despite the color of the medal, it can not be understated that the Drunk Monkeys turn around this year is nothing short of phenomenal. Branded the best damn sub .500% in recent years, the Monkeys this year showed up, played like League Champions, and but for one game, probably should have been. No doubt we will see several of the Monkeys in this years all star team.

And now, the Torpedo Bowl.

After the shock loss by the Drunk Monkeys and the expected loss by the #2 seed Black Cats in the previous week, the Torpedo Bowl was moved to the home field of the highest ranking seed, the Taipans in Australia. Taking them on was the perennial favorite and the other international team, the Helmand Nighthawks. Playing down under during the summer heat, beside the beach, bikini cheer leaders, and, the final player of the week at lunchtime on Christmas Day this was going to be shoot out. Mister Chris, coach of the Nighthawks, a tough opponent has owned the Taipans in recent years. The Nighthawks had Alvin Kamara (RB) show his form and confirm his status for the All Star Team with another outstanding performance. The only downside to the Nighthawks game was when Rob Gronkowsi (TE) failed to make a catch. Nighthawks Ben Roethlisberger (QB) turned this into a gun slinging shoot out with the Taipans by throwing for over 300 yards and 3 touchdowns. If the Taipans were going to win this, it would have to come from the hands of a champion. And the Taipans had two of them. The first, Aaron Rodgers (QB) exceeding the work of Roethlisberger (Nighthawks), but the nail in the coffin was the work of Zac Ertz. After seeing Gronkowski (nighthawks) not receive one catch, Ertz went out and caught 12 receptions for 110 yards and 41 points. That disparage between Ertz (Taipans) and Gronkowski (nighthawks) would allow the Taipans to coast away, taking the need to win away from their final player, Phillip Lindsay (RB) who had to forgo Christmas lunch to play through. For the first time in their history, the Australian Taipans win the Subsim Torpedo Bowl, defeating the Helmand Nighthawks 197 - 151.

The Taipans first league championship has come from no where. As a .500% team all year, they didn't even figure into the play off equation until 3 weeks from the end when you stopped and looked at the amount of points they had scored and thought they might be a chance. Congratulations to Coach Pioneer on your first Championship.

Tomorrow, after the dust has settled and the Christmas meal has been washed down, we'll be back to announce this years All Star team. The All Star Team is the highest honor in the League, not for the players who make their appearance, but for the name whom they honor. But before we get to the All Star team, we have to find our last star of the year.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Hard to go past the performances in this years Torpedo Bowl. For the effort of 442 passing yards, 2 touchdowns, 32 rushing yards and 2 rushing touchdowns, and a 2 point conversion, for a total of 50.88 points, the Week Sixteen MVT is awarded to Aaron Rodgers (QB) of the Australian Taipans.

[Gut Wrench]

2018 ALL STAR NAMED
...remembering a Prez.



The Post Season is in full swing. The holidays are upon. The Post Mortems of what went wrong are occurring. And my personal Subsim Page has had more visitors in the last three weeks than in the last few years.

Yes, you stalkers, I see you checking out my profile.

Without further ado,the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) are proud to present this years team, named after those who served the United States.

2018 GEORGE H. BUSH CABINET



Starting Line up:

QB: Patrick Mahonnes (Drunk Monkeys)
WR: Devonte Adams (Guns of Hochuli)
Adam Thielan (Australian Taipans)
Antonio Brown (Who Dat Nation Rises)
RB:Christian McCaffrey (Who Dat Nation Rises)
Todd Gurley (Drunk Monkeys)
TE: Zac Ertz (Australian Taipans)
K: Kaini Fairburn (Australian Taipans)
DEF: Chicago (Helmand Nighthawks)

Bench:

Drew Brees (Black Cats)
Julio Jones (Black Cats)
Sayquon Barclay (Helmand Nighthawks)
Greg Kittle (Guns of Hochuli)
Greg Zuerlin (Helmand Nighthawks
Baltimore (Drunk Monkeys)

There you have it folks, as voted by your writers covering the greatest fantasy sport in the world.

It's Christmas night in the US, Boxing Day as the Australian Taipans continue to celebrate. . We'll put this column to bed and dust it off in July next year when we'll welcome you back to sixteen of the most frustrating weeks of the year - where anything can happen, and where as we saw this year, anyone can come from no where and win this thing. But you gotta show up and be part of it to win.

We look forward to see your for the 2019 season.