I haven't seen any posts here about the recently released movie
Battleship
Perhaps thats because i was the only one of you duped into seeing it (took some kids... thats my excuse).
overall - ok time waster / popcorn muncher / blowy things up flick if you are into the Micheal Bay type stuff (I'm not)
plot holes?
yes, several, each one larger than the pacific ocean itself.
Bernard was the naval adviser on this film... im convinced of it.
I wont ruin the ending for anyone of you unfortunate enough to go endure this flick. Given the nature of our group, suffice it to say we will all easily spot the inaccuracies of the film.
for example, here are a few:
Stoner alcoholic bar hopping jersey shore material moron joins navy as his last chance to clean up his act - cut and scene - next scene - whoa great job dude you made officer faster than anyone in navy history! way to go! - - - - - WHAT?!
Im confused... at what point did he go from drooling drunk, to college grad, to OCS candidate etc??? all of this is omitted and the other "back story" scenes going on simultaneously make it seem like this all took place in about a month.
Running out of ships to fight the aliens with and discovering all the secondary armament on the USS Missouri is fully operational, locked and loaded with live rounds (oops, must have forgot to unload all that when she was set up as a museum) i wonder how many 12 year olds shat themselves when squeezing those triggers playfully and their cute "pew pew pew" noises were drowned out by loud - very real BANG BANG BANG sounds as 50 caliber tracers screamed past grandma's face? this is the sort of thing the navy doesnt forget when setting up a museum ship.
discovering 25 rounds of 16" HE stored on a museum ship in usable condition along with a supply of powder bags sufficient enough in number to fire all 25 rounds. NOT HAPPENING
4 guys picking up a 2200 lb 16" shell and carrying it from the aft turret to the forward turret in about 2 minutes. seriously... thats over 500 lbs per guy. maybe they were running on pure adrenaline.
Igniting the steam turbine boilers on the USS Missouri and 2 minutes later ordering ahead flank right at the pier. When i make crawfish in the 10 gallon pot... it takes like 2 hours to get the water bubbling. they had enough steam in several minutes to turn screws?
An officer - third in command of a ship in this case - after having been informed that the commander and XO were killed having to look to a petty officer to ask "who's in command now?" HE WOULD KNOW THAT!!!! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SIR!? WHO DID YOU SCREW FOR THIS JOB!?
Dropping port anchor at flank speed to "wake board" or "drift" (as in car racing if you will) the battleship into turning suddenly to bring the guns around faster.
All the destroyers sounding like Trans Ams with flowmaster exhaust. seriously, they went from dead stop to ahead flank and i was reminded of smokey and the bandit.
and after i've mentioned all that - the "Mighty Mo" the battleship for which the movie is named... makes an appearance for all of like 20 minutes at the very end of the movie.
skip it.
dismissed
