The weather in Geordieland is a total contrast...
The Geordie Temperature Scale (Celsius):
10 degrees - Southerners turn on the heating - Geordies plant gardens.
4 degrees - Southerners shiver uncontrollably - Geordies sunbathe.
1 degrees - Southern cars will not start - Geordies drive with the windows down.
-6 degrees - Southerners wear coats, gloves and wool hats - Geordies throw on a T-shirt (girls start wearing mini-skirts instead of bikinis).
-10 degrees - Southern landlords turn up the heating - Geordies have the last BBQ before it gets cold.
-17 degrees - Southerners begin to evacuate - Geordies go swimming in the North Sea.
-25 - Southerners cease to exist - Geordies throw on a lightweight jacket.
-60 degrees - Polar bears wonder if it's worth it - Geordie boy scouts start wearing long trousers.
-75 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole - Geordies put on their long johns.
-113 degrees - alcohol freezes - Geordies get frustrated because the pubs are shut.
-182 degrees - Microbial life starts to disappear - The cows on Newcastle Town Moor complain of farmers with cold hands
-273 degrees - All atomic motion stops - Geordies start to stamp their feet and blow on their hands.
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