[Hottentot]

Great. Just great. Now it's history that comes foiling my plans. History of all freaking things! I never thought my major subject in uni would make me curse when playing a game (otherwise occasionally of course).

I finally did it. I took the crown of England. It took ages, because the game has a weird "you can't usurp a title when the holder is at war" rule. The English king was fighting literally decades with somebody, and just as he stopped one war, he or someone else started next. Once he finally stopped even for one day for tea and biscuits, I knocked on his door and said: "Hi I own, like, over half of your kingdom, so hand over the crown."

Then became a problem: I noticed that as his last evil trick against my plans, the English king had in his infinite wisdom implemented a seniority succession to England. So all of that precious land and power was going to someone completely else than my heir. Sure, still to the dynasty, but I had worked 200 years to get that bloody title just out of spite. I was not going to lose it after just one generation! So let's change the inheritance law...

Then came history and foiled all my plans. History, which helpfully reminded me what the medieval society was like. First of all: I couldn't implement a primogeniture, because the crown authority law was only medium. And I couldn't raise crown authority, because I myself had lowered it from high to medium in order to make my rebelling vassals like me more. OK, OK, I get it that there are laws even in medieval England! Fine! Let's not implement primogeniture then! We'll make this a happy elective democracy, where everyone who wants to live is going to vote for my son.

Oh wait, I can't do that either. Why not? Because the game, once again historically, says that I can't rock the boat if there is even one vassal more important than a freaking count that has a negative opinion of me. Reading this made me want to quote king Foltest from the Witcher: "I'm a %¤#* king!!" No, no you're not. You're just a man with a funny shiny hat. Power equals vassals. That's history for you.

After that people who didn't like me started mysteriously slipping on banana peels again. I replaced them with the best yes-men I could find: so what if this guy is an incapable imbecile dwarf, he bloody likes me and the other guy doesn't! So now England is a happy elective kingdom, where everyone who doesn't vote for my son gets an extra ration of vitamin B6. At least until I can implement higher crown authority and make it a primogeniture.

Oh, and when I said that the first born son is inevitably an imbecile, I didn't think fate would take it so literally. Guess which trait my current ruler has? The vassals hate him, ladies especially because they all have "attraction for imbecile" penalty. Oh, and then one male duke had that too. I'll let you imagine which trait he had.