[STEED]

Here is my review in full of Alien Covenant with my other comments pasted in and a few changes all in one place now..

v2

At last I have watched Alien Covenant and what a stinker it was. I just could not give a dam about the crew who were bunch of wet behind the ears washouts whom clearly were expelled from Earth on the grounds they were a wast of space. I was hoping they were all killed in the first five minutes what a shame that did not happen.

THIS SECTION HAS SOME STORY LINE INFORMATION YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED IT.


I sat though this stinking mess of a film to find out David created the ALIEN! Bollocks, sorry had to be said. Did you see the size of those eggs! Hang on the Alien eggs are laid by a Queen Alien which clearly just got kicked up its butt..if they got one. Roll over Queen bitch Dave is in the house and you are out of a job! No I am not buying this guff, as for the new xenomorph's come off it, something that big bursting its way out would have killed its host before making its grand bloody entrance.

Oh look ALIEN & ALIENS mashed together in a badly written story line with a silly plot about David doing a Dr Frankenstein.

Back to David having a chin wag with one of the new xenomorph's are you kidding me. Clearly like the classic Alien it's a killing machine. And later on he's at it again with the classic Alien with some different looks. David thinks he is so dam special and top of the pecking order why play at Dr Frankenstein, what is his goal? Wipe out the human race with a army of rampaging Aliens that will suck up to him?

The story line in places was a right dam mess and you had to be out shopping not to see those poor sods David wiped out were not engineers. Who ever wrote this dribble clearly wrote it in under one hour or should I say five minutes.

Did you see that shower scene! Most of the crew slaughtered by David's xenomorph's and these two decide to have a spot of nookie! Wow one way to get over your crew mates death's. It was nothing more than a cheap slapstick schlock horror scene.

That ending was plain silly, as David plans to use what's her name as a host. Don't tell me the Queen Alien is back why? David has been laying his own eggs..big ones. The Queen Alien is dead long live King David the Alien maker with his magic black goo oh wait its a airborne pathogen out of a engineer Thermos flask soon to be on sale on amazon or maybe those golf balls with there naughty spores that infect dumb ass crew members.

I hear Mr Barking Mad Scott wants to make four more! Please no no no no....

So what was good? Well the cinema photography was good but you would expect that. The new xenomorph's were ok and were far more ruthless than our classic Alien ever was but part from that nothing else was.

If you were feeling let down after Prometeus just watch this dribble and you will soon be thinking hey Prometeus was not bad in fact it was good.


I say forget it and don't even go near it but if you like a silly blood feast with a dreadful story line and a bunch of farts knock your self out and go for it.