DRUNK MONKEYS DRAMA ON AND OFF THE FIELD
Taipans Annihilate Black Cats
Week Seven in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. We are exactly half way through the season and this week's results gives no additional clarity to the end of year positioning. In fact, following the prematch "incident" at the Guns of Hochuli home game, we're not really sure who had a bad day at that game.
Let's get to this weeks matches, go around the grounds, catch up on the feed and look at
that incident with the Drunk Monkeys management team that lead to an ejection from all future fantasy games.
But before we do that, you all got the email from Onkeal Neal. It's that time of year to dig deep and do the right thing.
DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.
Where to start? Everybody wants to talk about it, but we'll get to
that incident momentarily.
Our match of the day this week was the Who Dat Nation hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. These two powerhouses of football have struggled this year - not to score points, but to get those wins. Last years championship contenders were re-matching this week, for a top and bottom battle of the Sub Simmers Division. The division is in a state on uncertainty given that the third team lead the division - until last week. This division, while still the stronger of the two divisions, is going through some challenges. There's no clear leader of the division just yet, and conversely, there's no clear sinking ship within the division. Who Dat Nation started Thursday night with Cam McCafferty (RB) unopposed, opening up a healthy lead. Phillip Rivers (QB) just managed to get 300 yards before the first Nighthawk even took the field - but when they did, the chase was on. Consistency right across the board with two of the Nighthawk WR both receiving more than 100 yards was the key to the Nighthawk change of fortune. Nighthawks were able to outplay each of the Nation positional players by just a few points, that they did not even need to start Matt Ryan (QB) on Monday night. Nighthawks mail this one in easily defeating the Who Dat Nation, 163 - 104.
Downunder, the Australian Taipans were hosting the Black Cats. The talk of the pre game discussion was the Black Cats star Amari Cooper (WR) who last week, took vacation time mid season to hang out with Drew Brees. After missing the team bus, Coach FYC was brutal with Cooper, advising that if he missed any further time he'd be facing relegation. Sure enough, Cooper failed to board the plane south, and at last reports, had been relegated to some second rate team in Texas. Coach FYC though, forgetting the time zone difference, failed to advise of the relegation in time and was forced to start a non-player. This was always going to be a problems as the Cats; with the exception of their first round win, have been the leagues lowest scoring team this season. And they were playing the leagues highest scoring team. This one wasn't even close. With the Colts (DEF) scoring double figures, the Taipans blew out the Black Cats 177 - 104.
Now, onto
that incident.
The Associated Subsim League (ASW) do not condone violence of any sort, and stand by the Commissioners decision prior to the start of the game. We do not have the video footage of this incident, but we do know from eyewitness accounts, that the recently acquired Assistant Manager of the Drunk Monkeys went bat **** crazy for no reason. Seated in the front row was an unidentified female who when Coach Gargamel ran onto the field during warm up, was heard to say ""Oh, he's got a cute ass, I'd like to meet him."
Well, the Drunk Monkeys Assistant Coach heard this and it was on. She ripped off her shirt, climbed the six feet railing and stole two pitchers of beer from nearby patrons, and poured them over herself and the unidentified girl. Then, the Assistant Coach began ripping the shirt off the unidentified girl, screaming obscenities that caused several players to pause and take notes. An entire SWAT team was called in to quell the disturbance with the Assistant Coach of the Monkeys being ejected form the grounds. Prior to the start of the game, the Commissioner announced that the Assistant Coach had been ejected, and as she had breached the League's "No Crazy Women" policy, was hereafter banned from all future matches.
During the fracas, Coach Gargamel attempted to break up the disturbance, yelling "my ass is not worth it". Gargamel sustained a slap across the face, which after the fracas, was tended to by the unidentified girl. Following the game, a photograph of the girl was captured, as Coach Gargamel returned to his hotel room. Her name has not yet been announced.
After all that excitement, it was down to football. The Guns of Hoculi were hosting the Drunk Monkeys in what would be a nail biting game. Gunners started Thursday with Carson Wentz (QB) opening up an early lead. Gunners played most of their team early when Justin Tucker (K) missed his first field goal since he was 5 years of age. Monkeys would need everyone on the team to chase down the score, and with Todd Gurley (RB) crossing for 2 touchdowns, they held a slight lead on Monday night. Gunners only had one player left on Monday night, O'Dell Beckham Jnr (WR) who would need at least one touchdown and 150 yards to topple the Monkeys. Beckhan eventually would receive a touchdown but not enough yardage on the final play of the night. Drunk Monkeys after the pregame frivolities, hang on to narrowly beat the Guns of Hochuli 158 - 153.
After the game when meeting the media and asked about the pregame incident, Coach Gargamel said "we came to play the Guns of Hochuli...and nothing else."
Now comes the tough part. It's halfway through the season, but the year is not clear.
Drunk Monkeys lead the league at 6-1 and the Surface Skimmers Division by three games. Last week we predicted that the Monkeys would need a couple more wins before clinching a post season berth. Despite winning, the Monkeys are no closer to securing the position. The win by the Australian Taipans elevates them to 3-4 and the #3 seeding in the league. The Guns of Hochuli at 2-5 and are seeded 6th. Despite holding a three game difference, it is because the balance of the league all have to play the Monkeys again, in some cases twice, that they are not secure. Monkeys need to steal one or two wins to cement their position as league champions.
Over in the Sub Simmers division its slightly clearer. The Who Dat Nation at 4-3 lead the division, but have to play the Drunk Monkeys twice in the rest of the year. The Nation could knock the Monkeys out of the league lead, and drop the Monkeys into a countback within their division. The Helmand Nighthawks are 3-4 and with the Who Dat Nation, represent the engine house of the league which met in last years Torpedo Bowl. The loss by the Black cats drops them to 3-4 losing the countback to the Nighthawks. This division is up for grabs if one team can grab hold and begin a winning streak.
Next week we go back to the Monkeys for their match up against the Australian Taipans. The Taipans need the win to prevent the Monkeys from running away, and the Monkeys need to reestablish their dominance by putting away the highest scoring team in the league. Should be a shoot out.
Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.
For the effort of 358 passing yards for 4 touchdowns and rushing for 45 yards, for a total score of 46.82 points, the ASW are proud to present Patrick Mahonnes (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Seven MVT.
