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Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"
He winked at me and said "Well, I'm off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park." |
In a circus, a two meters tall, big as a placard lion tamer walks near the bigger and bada$$ lion, forced the beat to open its jaws, drops his pants and introduced his "little friend" into the lion´s mouth.
All circus goes very, very silent and the lion tamer shouts "who dares to repeat this act?" Seconds later, a very soft male voice speaks from the grades: "I think I could try do so, but maybe I could not open my mouth that big" |
Jokes from my childhood:
Little Johnny lived on a farm and the outhouse stood on a little hill overlooking the river. One day Johnny thought it would be funny to push the outhouse into the river. When his dad caught up with him he gave him one chance to 'fess up. "Johnny, do you know anything about how the outhouse found it's way into the river?" Thinking he was playing it smart, Johnny replied "I cannot tell a lie, father. I pushed the outhouse into the river." Johnny's dad immediately dragged the boy into the woodshed, pulled Johnny's pants down and proceeded to whip him untill he cried. "I don't understand, dad. When George Washington said he chopped down the cherry tree he was rewarded for being honest." "Yeah? Well, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree!" |
Most tasteless ever
After the Value Jet airliner crashed into the everglades, there was a couple of alligators near by the crash site, they were over heard saying, for a cheap airline the food is pretty good.
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I was doing my lottery tickets on Saturday, and thought I'd steal the pen.
"Get that out of your pocket!" said the shop keeper as I went to walk out. "How the heck did you notice?" I asked. "The stand trailing behind you kind of gave you away," he replied. |
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and
she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God,I'm coming!" If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her." The nun fainted. |
The man who invented Chinese Whispers has died.
Pass it on. |
Always remember, beauty is always, a light switch, away. A guy went into a bar, he ordered 2 mugs of beer, he started do drink one mug and stuck his hand in the other, the bartender asks what are you doing with your hand in a glass of beer, the man replies I'm getting my date drunk.
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Well I guess, you had too have been there.
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Quote:
http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/6...nimationli.gif |
The man who invented Chinese Whispers has a diet.
Pass it on. :03: |
Quote:
-Willie Nelson |
The man who invented Chinese whistling is on a diet
pass it on |
A female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving.
She tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you..." The drunk says: "Tits" |
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