View Full Version : Parrot story
08-10-2008, 07:52 AM
08-10-2008, 04:12 PM
I can relate to this. Always worried about what the bird might pick up for vocabulary.
08-10-2008, 05:22 PM
My mom had a mynah bird called 'Killer'. If you got too close to his cage he would back up and start saying "Pkew! Pkew! Pkew!" He didn't learn to ask politely, but sometimes he would say "Gimme cookie!"
But I have to admit: "Braaaiiinnnsss!" takes the cake.:rock:
08-10-2008, 06:24 PM
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!'
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman.'
'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.
'When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch
08-10-2008, 07:43 PM
Yep...the bird is definately defective. I would have fallen off long ago...
08-10-2008, 09:20 PM
Okay, I have the opposite one:
Woman goes into a pet shop, and a parrot immediately whistles at her. She says "That's cute. Does he do anything else?"
"Well, ma'am", the owner says, "he knows a lot, but he...well, you see, he was raised in a house of ill repute."
"Oh, does he swear a lot?"
"No ma'am, nothing like that. I'll show you. Polly, speak!"
"Pretty girls! Lots of pretty girls! Prettiest girls you've ever seen!" And the parrot whistles again.
The woman grins from ear to ear. "I've got to have that bird! The girls in my bridge club will love him!"
So, she pays for the parrot and takes him home, just in time for bridge club. Once her friends have arrived she whips off the cover to the cage, and the bird starts right in: "Pretty girls! Lots of pretty girls!"
Her friends are amazed. "Oh, that is wonderful!" "He's so cute!" "Fred's going to love him!"
So then her husband comes home. She says "Honey, you have to see this!"
She whips off the cover and the parrot says "Pretty girls! Lots of pretty girls! Get your pretty girls right here! HIYA FRED!"
08-11-2008, 03:40 AM
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