US Navy Humor

[LukeFF]

I found this little cartoon from the 1944 ONI recognition manual for Japanese Merchants:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/ONICartoon.jpg

:D

[Char]

:rotfl: :rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

Cool! I have the manuals and haven't come across that yet!

Pretty racist by today's standards, but mild for the times, and pretty funny taken in context.:sunny:

[LukeFF]

Cool! I have the manuals and haven't come across that yet!

Pretty racist by today's standards, but mild for the times, and pretty funny taken in context.:sunny:
Do you have ONI 208-J (Revised)? That's where it came from.

Yeah, it would come across as racist today, but Americans have pretty much always come up with ways to make fun of their enemies, whether in jest or malice. That cartoon is just another reference to that trend.

[Sailor Steve]

I have them, but I haven't spent much time on them except for ONI-208 (the general one, not the Japanese one).

[Ducimus]

http://www.ducimus.net/sh4/pto/humor.jpg
:rotfl:

I do like the comic though luke, it is very "in period".

[Hylander_1314]

I found this little cartoon from the 1944 ONI recognition manual for Japanese Merchants:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/ONICartoon.jpg

:D

Reminds me of the WWII Looney Toones short, Tokio Jokio.

Was it racist? Yes, but it was also that way the other way around.

Here's a site for those who haven't seen it, but there are good war flix here, from both sides.

http://www.realmilitaryflix.com/public/main.cfm

It wasn't just Americans and Brits who slighted the enemy with propaganda.

[Ducimus]

Was it racist? Yes, but it was also that way the other way around.

Very true. I was watching a documentary the other day on the pacific war. The japanese it seemed had a "superman" ego as well the Nazi's (interest bedfellows), as they considered the white man inferior, and americans decadent.

Heres part 1 of that documentary:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5876518045668753614&q=hell+in+the+pacific&ei=DykqSNH0KoSwrAPV0dSIDg

I saw part 2 on the TV (not part 1), unfortunatly i can't find part 2 on the web, so part 1 is all you get. Part 2 really layed out how gruesome the pacific really was. Im kind of amazed it hasn't gotten more "silver screen" time then it has, but then again, theres nothing romantic about a brutal war, and the pacific was brutality in its purest form.

[LukeFF]

Some more for you. These are from the 1942 manual on Japanese warship recognition. "DD Unknown No. 1" turned out to be the Akizuki class:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/Nip1.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/Nip2.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/Nip3.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/Nip4.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/Nip5.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/Nip6.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/Nip7.jpg

[LukeFF]

Couple more. These are from the German warship recognition manual:

"Jerry Jingles"

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/JerryJingles.jpg

"Do we fire or do we not?!"

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/LukeFF/DoWeFire.jpg

[Raptor1]

ROFL :rotfl:

I like how they crossed out Akagi, Kaga, the Soryu class and questionmakred Ryujo and the Furutaka class (Was this before or after the Battle of the Eastern Solomons (Which happens to have happened on my birthday))?

[seafarer]

Was it racist? Yes, but it was also that way the other way around.

Very true. I was watching a documentary the other day on the pacific war. The japanese it seemed had a "superman" ego as well the Nazi's (interest bedfellows), as they considered the white man inferior, and americans decadent.

Heres part 1 of that documentary:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5876518045668753614&q=hell+in+the+pacific&ei=DykqSNH0KoSwrAPV0dSIDg

I saw part 2 on the TV (not part 1), unfortunatly i can't find part 2 on the web, so part 1 is all you get. Part 2 really layed out how gruesome the pacific really was. Im kind of amazed it hasn't gotten more "silver screen" time then it has, but then again, theres nothing romantic about a brutal war, and the pacific was brutality in its purest form.

And lets not forget their view of other Asian races, especially the Koreans and Chinese. They literally viewed them as subhuman species. All you have to do is read about Nanking to see how low their regard for the Chinese was, such as making a competiitive sport out of how many beheadings an officer could perform in an hour (or using Chinese prisoners for bayonette training). Princeton University has some pretty gut wrenching photo's online of some of the atrocities (here is the link, but seriously, read the warning as many of these are really disturbing - Princeton Nanking Photo" (http://www.princeton.edu/~nanking/html/nanking_gallery.html)).

It's always important with history, if you are to understand it, to be aware of the context of the times. And the context of the 1930's and 1940's was vastly different then now.

[Petur]

:rotfl:

[Arclight]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Okinawa

"At some battles, such as Iwo Jima, there had been no civilians involved, but Okinawa had a large indigenous civilian population. Okinawan civilian losses in the campaign were estimated to be between 75,000 and 140,000. In addition, it is estimated that more than a third of the surviving civilian population was wounded.

With the impending victory of American troops, civilians often committed mass suicides, urged on by the fanatical Japanese soldiers who told locals that victorious American soldiers would go on a rampage of killing and raping. Ryukyu Shimpo, one of the two major Okinawan newspapers, wrote in 2007: "There are many Okinawans who have testified that the Japanese Army directed them to commit suicide. There are also people who have testified that they were handed grenades by Japanese soldiers" (to blow themselves up). Some of the civilians, having been induced by Japanese propaganda to believe that U.S. soldiers were barbarians who committed horrible atrocities, killed their families and themselves to avoid capture. Some Okinawans threw themselves and their family members from the cliffs where the Peace Museum now resides. A Japanese American Military Intelligence Service combat translator with the U.S. military, Teruto “Terry” Tsubota, tried to convince civilians to not kill themselves, even climbing into caves to talk to them, but his efforts had limited success.

Edwin P. Hoyt, in "Japan’s War: The Great Pacific Conflict", argues that the Allied practice of mutulating the Japanese dead and taking pieces of them home was exploited by Japanese propaganda very effectively, and "contributed to a preference to death over surrender and occupation, shown, for example, in the mass civilian suicides on Saipan and Okinawa after the Allied landings. Life Magazine's "picture of the week" in May 22, 1944 depicted a beautiful blonde with a Japanese trophy skull sent to her by her Marine lieutenant boyfriend. This image gained widespread circulation in Japan, as did the news that U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt had been presented with a letter-opener carved out out of a Japanese soldiers arm bone by Congressman Walter. In Japanese media the Americans came to be portrayed as "deranged, primitive, racist and inhuman"."

Horrible stuff, and sadly there's lots more to find on this. Maybe such motivations were simply a necessity to be able to get through the day mowing down enemy soldiers...

*This can be considered schocking / disturbing to some. Please take the circumstances at the time into consideration , should you decide to look at it.

http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj2/EZatHome/LIFEskull.jpg

[LukeFF]

ROFL :rotfl:

I like how they crossed out Akagi, Kaga, the Soryu class and questionmakred Ryujo and the Furutaka class (Was this before or after the Battle of the Eastern Solomons (Which happens to have happened on my birthday))?
The manual's date is November 1942, so yeah, it was published after that battle.

[Petur]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Okinawa

"At some battles, such as Iwo Jima, there had been no civilians involved, but Okinawa had a large indigenous civilian population. Okinawan civilian losses in the campaign were estimated to be between 75,000 and 140,000. In addition, it is estimated that more than a third of the surviving civilian population was wounded.

With the impending victory of American troops, civilians often committed mass suicides, urged on by the fanatical Japanese soldiers who told locals that victorious American soldiers would go on a rampage of killing and raping. Ryukyu Shimpo, one of the two major Okinawan newspapers, wrote in 2007: "There are many Okinawans who have testified that the Japanese Army directed them to commit suicide. There are also people who have testified that they were handed grenades by Japanese soldiers" (to blow themselves up). Some of the civilians, having been induced by Japanese propaganda to believe that U.S. soldiers were barbarians who committed horrible atrocities, killed their families and themselves to avoid capture. Some Okinawans threw themselves and their family members from the cliffs where the Peace Museum now resides. A Japanese American Military Intelligence Service combat translator with the U.S. military, Teruto “Terry” Tsubota, tried to convince civilians to not kill themselves, even climbing into caves to talk to them, but his efforts had limited success.

Edwin P. Hoyt, in "Japan’s War: The Great Pacific Conflict", argues that the Allied practice of mutulating the Japanese dead and taking pieces of them home was exploited by Japanese propaganda very effectively, and "contributed to a preference to death over surrender and occupation, shown, for example, in the mass civilian suicides on Saipan and Okinawa after the Allied landings. Life Magazine's "picture of the week" in May 22, 1944 depicted a beautiful blonde with a Japanese trophy skull sent to her by her Marine lieutenant boyfriend. This image gained widespread circulation in Japan, as did the news that U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt had been presented with a letter-opener carved out out of a Japanese soldiers arm bone by Congressman Walter. In Japanese media the Americans came to be portrayed as "deranged, primitive, racist and inhuman"."

Horrible stuff, and sadly there's lots more to find on this. Maybe such motivations were simply a necessity to be able to get through the day mowing down enemy soldiers...

*This can be considered schocking / disturbing to some. Please take the circumstances at the time into consideration , should you decide to look at it.

http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj2/EZatHome/LIFEskull.jpg

not good..:-?

[Ivan Putski]

I`d have drilled a hole in the top of it, and inserted an inkwell.:D

[FIREWALL]

I thought the thread was " US NAVY HUMOR ".

Instead this thread took a left turn and went down the road to nowhere.:p

[DavyJonesFootlocker]

I thought the thread was " US NAVY HUMOR ".

Instead this thread took a left turn and went down the road to nowhere.:p

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, erm, um, what else is new?:dead:

[FIREWALL]

I thought the thread was " US NAVY HUMOR ".

Instead this thread took a left turn and went down the road to nowhere.:p

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, erm, um, what else is new?:dead:


Now that was FUNNY. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[sturmer]

well i found this on the web, its a mix of humor and facts of the era arround ww2.
i can tell you that no.9 is the most hilarious one.

1. The first German serviceman killed in WW2 was killed by the
Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was
killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American
killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair,
killed by the US Army Air Corps. .. . So much for allies and enemies.

2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He
was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his
age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)

3. At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was Called
CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's
45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train
was named "Amerika." All three were soon changed for PR purposes.

4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps.
While completing the required 30 missions (in Europe the
original mission total was 25, later raised to 35) your chance of being
killed was
71%.

5. Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter
pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance Japanese ace
Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a
passenger on a cargo plane.

6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round
with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had
different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting
the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers
instantly told your enemy he was under
fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of
loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that
you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to
tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success
rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.

7. When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was
pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston
Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself
photographed
in the act).

8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it
wasn't worth the effort. (?)

9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.

10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several
Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they
were
captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until
they were
captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until
they were captured by the US Army.

11. Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian
troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. 21 troops
were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been
any Japanese on
the island.

12. From an old carrier sailor - Blue water Navy truism; There are more
planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.


sturmer

[Raptor1]

8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it
wasn't worth the effort. (?)

It wasn't worth the effort, probably because the plan was scrapped before it entered service (Same as the Ju-390, Ta-400 and the G10N Fugaku, all of which were designed to bomb North America)

[Sailor Steve]

The Me-264 was the subject of much controversy and infighting in the German high command, but what really killed it was that good old bugbear inter-service rivalry. And who was the man who finally convinced Hitler to scrub the program? Admiral Karl Doenitz.
http://www.luft46.com/prototyp/me264.html

[sharkbit]

9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
sturmer

Actually it was U-1206 and it just forced them to surface near a British warship which finished the job.

the name of the Captain is kinda funny-kinda ryhmes with ****.

http://www.uboat.net/boats/u1206.htm

[sturmer]

9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
sturmer

Actually it was U-1206 and it just forced them to surface near a British warship which finished the job.

the name of the Captain is kinda funny-kinda ryhmes with ****.

http://www.uboat.net/boats/u1206.htm

lol :rotfl:

sturmer

[Petur]

9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.



ROFL!!

[sturmer]

Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

unbelieveable :rotfl:

sturmer

[Rockin Robbins]

There are a hundred versions of that one wtih many different ship and lighthouse names. Here you go (http://files.filefront.com/uss+montanawmv/;10056689;/fileinfo.html)! Have a USS Montana version.:rotfl:

The multiplicity of mutually exclusive versions causes me to:
Call Bull****.

[sturmer]

well i didnt know that there were lots of versions of it but that movie was the no1 :lol:

i found something so funny that i almost pissed my pants over it .
this is small list of listings of pilots towards mechanics of the USS Bennington.
here are some complaints:


Problem: "Left side tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left side tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
Solution: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Target Radar hums."
Solution: "Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

now my 2 favorites:

Problem: "Aircraft handles funny."
Solution: "Aircraft sternly warned to straighten up, fly right, and get serious."

Problem: "Mouse in cockpit."
Solution: "Cat installed."

:rotfl:

sturmer

[Rockin Robbins]

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
There are a hundred versions of that one wtih many different ship and lighthouse names. Here you go (http://files.filefront.com/uss+montanawmv/;10056689;/fileinfo.html)! Have a USS Montana version.:rotfl:

The multiplicity of mutually exclusive versions causes me to:
Call Bull****.
I love internet BS, especially when it's accompanied by "released by CNO" and gives a specific date. Here is Snopes's version, with a reference to a 1939 version:
http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

When I first heard it, it was the battleship Missouri. That was 1970.

[LukeFF]

well i didnt know that there were lots of versions of it but that movie was the no1 :lol:

i found something so funny that i almost pissed my pants over it .
this is small list of listings of pilots towards mechanics of the USS Bennington.
here are some complaints:

Also a BS list and one that can be found in multiple forms.

[sturmer]

well even if its bs, i still find them funny enough to post.

sturmer

[CaptainHaplo]

I used to work on aircraft, and here is one I myself saw and signed off on.

"IFF does not work in OFF mode"

My initials were commented with:

"Tested - problem as described persists but operates per spec in ON mode"

Our CW4 section chief had a go round with the CPG on that bird who did the initial write-up.

[d@rk51d3]

9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
sturmer

Actually it was U-1206 and it just forced them to surface near a British warship which finished the job.

the name of the Captain is kinda funny-kinda ryhmes with ****.

http://www.uboat.net/boats/u1206.htm


Lol, I guess the Schlitt really hit the fan.:rotfl:

[UnderseaLcpl]

My favorite funny U-boat story, from Night Wolf of the Atlantic

Krestchmer is patrolling of the Orkneys or something when the lookout spots a cruiser and they fire two torpedoes at it. Before they hit Otto notices that it's not a cruiser but a remarkably cruiser-shaped rock. After initially being angry he and the crew have a good laugh about it and send a message to BdU; "Rock torpedoed but not sunk."

Upon return to port there is a huge reception for him and Donitz is there. He heartily shakes Krestchmer's hand and says "You must tell me all about your attack on the Nelson."
Otto looks at him quizically, not sure what to make of it when he suddenly realizes that there must have been a signals mix up. The german word for rock is evidently felson and the signal operator, reasoning that no idiot would report shooting a rock, thought they must have meant Nelson.
He tells Donitz this and the admiral shakes his head slowly and says "So you torpedoed a rock, eh." They start laughing and Donitz advises him " We probably hadn't ought to be laughing about this, they had a big announcement planned on the radio tonight where they were going to ask 'And where is the Nelson, Mr. Churchill?' I can just see the look on Goebbels face when he hears about this."

It's more funny cuz it's true : D

[Schroeder]

The German word for rock is Felsen, not Felson.
But funny anyway. I really would have liked to see the stupid face of Goebbels after hearing that.:rotfl:

[UnderseaLcpl]

The German word for rock is Felsen, not Felson.
But funny anyway. I really would have liked to see the stupid face of Goebbels after hearing that.:rotfl:

Apologies for my linguistic deficieny. I'm sure you've heard that old joke that a person who speaks only one language is an American. It was an anecdote based on memory. Still, I'm glad someone found it funny, I laughed so hard I had to put the book down.

[Schroeder]

No problem.
I didn't want to attack you with that post, I just wanted to correct the the spelling of the German word.:D

I still have to think of the face of the sucker Goebbels when he hears the "great news".:rotfl:

[Raptor1]

:rotfl:

Well, they did manage to Torpedo the secret British camouflaged Rock-Cruiser